Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Damming



all of us
dam people
counting years
mixing cement
for hydro construction
we don't collect the tortures
they find us
like puppy dogs dripping with disease
a parade of horrors
down Main Street
like wanting
or clinging
or ignoring
or fearing
or demanding
or stealing
so we build our dams
to hold back brimming waters
with morals
or fantasies
or rationalization
or isolation
or expectation
or religion
our cozy little roughshod dams
might let us
get some
sleep

Monday, December 28, 2009

Hail




Ulrich positioned his leg on the lichen-covered rock.

Nothing would bend anymore. Not even the ankle.

He should examine the infection again, but now his only choice would be to cut the pants. Even if he could manage the bent knife, he couldn't afford to sacrifice more clothes.

Overhead, the strange storm had grown fast. Clouds boiled over the ridgeline and churned. The middle tightened in a slow circle. He watched it darken and bend inward. A vortex began to drill into the grey.

A roll of thunder shook him from the trance. He needed some shelter, more than trees, but under the shadows of the pines he saw only trunks and a prickly mesh of dead branches.

Above the pointed treetops, the vortex deepened. A haze curtained over the valley. Rain. Drenching rain.

Ulrich considered turning back and heading down the mountain. But as he traced a path down, something odd sizzled in the distance. Harder than wind. Like static. Or applause.

The wave of sound swept toward him, and a rain of fine hailstones danced in the greenery and pin-pricked his face. White peppered the pine-needled ground.

The hail stopped, and a deep, unpleasant thunder shook in the foundations of the mountain.

A cold fear fluttered across Ulrich's skin.

He slid off the rock and pulled himself forward. He would make for the ridge, straight up. He could shelter on the other side of the mountain. He could shield himself from the monstrous storm.

Quick machinegun fire approached.

Ulrich fought panic.

A shower of marble hail shook the branches and snapped twigs. Hot pain stung his shoulders and the back of his head. As the incline stretched upward, his hand cupped weathered rock. He broke above the tree line.

His thoughts sped through the intricacies of weather. The crossing, twisting patterns. The reasonable predictions.

He catalogued data points from the storm. Hail was formed by rain whipping up into the high atmosphere where it froze. Convections brought it down, wetting the ice, then cycled it back up to re-freeze, over and over, again and again. The stronger the convections, the bigger the hail, and that storm must be a dreadful engine.

Cracked rock cut his blisters and smeared blood where his hands pressed. His good leg worked double, but he still needed the other to anchor. Light bled from the mountain, and the lowlands draped themselves with false night.

Thunder rumbled again.

Another barrage of hail ricocheted in a chaos of white.

Less than a mile away.

No cover. Ulrich was caught, exposed. He clasped his hands behind his head and neck. Golf balls of ice shattered on boulders.

He writhed and screamed. A solid hit to the kidney. A crunching blow to the bones in his hand.

When the wave passed, he heaved himself again. But a different sound yanked his attention to the side. Like a hollow punch. A spray of ice mist hung in the distance. A white boulder rolled down the mountain. It had to be at least four feet in diameter.

While he watched, awestruck, another blur of white crunched into the ground and bounced.

Closer.

Like no normal storm could make.

The vortex in the sky towered. Like the barrel of a gun. Ulrich knew it was taking aim at him.

He clawed, yanking rocks loose. At least fifty yards before he reached top. He panted hard. His muscles trembled.

Another crash.

Even larger. Good God, even larger.

He scanned sideways. He was running out of time.

Coming down the ridgeline, another wave raced. Not golf balls this time. A chaos of ice.

No time.

To his right, a large sheet of rock jutted over a bit of darkness. It looked much too small. A nice nook for a coyote to hide, perhaps.

As the deadly hail approached, he rammed his head inside. A shower of dirt and broken stone fell into a miniature cavern beneath. He flailed and dug, wedging himself in farther.

Skull-smashing hail carpeted the mountain. The impacts resonated in the rock.

Ripping fabric, then skin, he wrenched his hips through the opening and propelled himself into the tiny cave. The awkward way he was wedged, he wasn't sure if he could climb out again.

This time, the storm's aim was true.

A colossal crash jolted the rock over him.

The force rebounded off his face and threw his head into the ground. Dust grated his eyes and choked lungs. As the hail pummeled the Earth, he couldn't even free his hands to block his ears to the horrifying sound.


(I'm sharing scenes from my novel in progress. If you find something you particularly like in these scenes, such as a mood, style, or theme, please let me know. If you find something you particularly don't like in these scene, please do the same.)

Friday, December 25, 2009

Silent Night

For all of you celebrating, WE WISH YOU A WONDERFUL HOLIDAY SEASON!!

Here is a quick arrangement of Silent Night that I wrote for my 10-year-old daughter and me. She is on the recorder, and I am on the Irish low whistle.

Keep the ones you love close on these long, dark nights.



(And for my southern hemisphere friends, stay cool!)

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Mid-Winter



I used to shelter from the storm
without even knowing it
while evergreen rooftops
fluttered to weighty white
and bent to needle-dry ground

And if I thought the storm were miles wide
those miles would rumble laughter now
at whole hemispheres churning behind


Maybe we fight the cutlass wind
parry the razor cold
slice every snowflake until we tire
until there is one too many to strike
then biding time until we fall

I curl my shoulders against the unconquerable
having earned the right to feel it
just let me kindle my cardinal red
for those who would shelter with me

Monday, December 21, 2009

Again



Here you are down on your knees again
Trying to find air to breath again
Only surrender will help you now
I love you, please see and believe again
They don't have to understand you
Be still
Wait and know I understand you
Be still
Be still
      --Flyleaf, Again


She climbed the stairs to the second floor hallway.

He was waiting in the open apartment door. He had buzzed her in downstairs.

"Hey," she said.

"Hey."

"I hope you don't mind me coming over."

He leaned against the frame. "Me? Mind? I don't mind."

"I mean, not calling or anything."

"You don't have to call."

She tucked her hair behind her ear and tried to read him.

Not easy.

It never had been easy.

"I've been thinking about you," she said. "A lot actually."

She watched his eyes. A glimmer there?

Maybe.

"Were you up to anything tonight?" she said.

He shook his head. "No. Not really."

He stared back. She always struggled with all the things that might be going on behind those eyes. But right now, she reminded herself, they were only looking at her.

"Can I ask you a question?" she said.

"Sure."

"Would you have a drink with me?" she said.

Just a drink.

A drink and whatever came into their minds.

He smiled. A pure, disarmed smile. She let out a breath and fought the tears of relief that might have formed.

"Come on," he said. "I've been saving something. I know just the thing."

He stepped aside to let her in.

And she went.

Friday, December 18, 2009

Game Friday: Sunrise or Sunset

So, we're knee-deep in the holidays. How is everyone holding up?? Keeping it together, I hope. Maybe even enjoying yourselves?

Here's the question for today. Which side of the day resonates more with you? Do you prefer to stand in the growing light of dawn and watch the sun break over the horizon? Or do you prefer to ease up to the shores of twilight and watch the last fires of orange disappear?

I'm definitely a sunset person (clarity of night and all...). I think it's partly because in some ways the day is a grind on me. The noise and bustle. The constant pressure of performance. In the evening and the night, the world changes. It shrinks. Becomes less cluttered. I feel more at peace as doors close, lights turn on in windows, and outside becomes a purer world. I recharge during that time, and the setting of the sun is my gateway.

Let's hear your thoughts in comments!

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Fingerpainting



Oh, what a beautiful--
Remember that time when we--
I'll never forget the--
We had the most--
My God, that was so incredibly--

over

Pigments won't sleep on the canvas
We can't stop touching them
No mountain of rags will scrub the paint away

Our            fingers      stain         the      wave     of
now
And    smear             every       portrait      of
then

Monday, December 14, 2009

Scene of the Crime



"Well, we're coming up on the spot. I assume this is looking familiar."

"Yes."

"It should. Do you recognize it?"

"Yes."

"Why did you pick it? Why did you choose here?"

"I didn't pick it."

"But you stopped. You were driving your car. You could have kept going. You didn't. You chose here."

"I didn't come looking for this spot, if that's what you mean. I was driving, and I saw it. I stopped. That's it."

"Saw what?"

"Those three trees up on the hill."

"Right there?"

"Yes. The morning sun was just breaking over the dead grass. It was cloudy. Dark grey. The sun wasn't very strong."

"Like now."

"Yes. Like now."

"Come on. Let's walk."

"I'm tired."

"Frankly, I don't give a crap if you're tired."

"I'm so tired."

"If you want me to help you, you'll walk."

"You just want me to confess."

"We already have all the evidence we need. Confess if you want. Or don't. I don't give a shit."

"Then why bring me here?"

"Like I said, we're doing this for you."

"I don't believe you."

"Walk!"


* * *


"We're here."

"I know."

"You know why I stopped here, don't you?"

"Yes."

"So why did you pick this tree?"

"It's the middle tree."

"The middle tree?"

"I like symmetry. If you're going to end a life, if you're going to kill, you have to respect that. It's something big. Momentous. You can't be careless or sloppy. You have to think. You have to do it right."

"You talk about it so calmly, so calculating. Almost mathematical. Your symmetry, for example."

"Well, that's who I am."

"Sick is what you are."

"That's your opinion."

"It certainly is, pig."

"I might tend to cooperate more if you didn't insult me."

"I don't give a shit what you may 'tend' to do. If you want me to help you, fucker, you'll cooperate even if I back up a truck and dump a load of crap on you."

"I didn't know you official types swore."

"You don't know the first thing about us official types."

"If you say so."

"So this is where you did it, right?"

"Yes."

"Describe it to me."

"I don't want to."

"Describe it to me."

"I had a gun."

"Did you cry?"

"What?"

"Did you cry?"

"Why would I cry?"

"You were taking an innocent life. Your finger on the trigger. Didn't you have any feelings about it?"

"If I had feelings, they were far, far away."

"There was blood."

"I didn't look."

"There were brains."

"I didn't look."

"Of course you looked! Don't fucking lie to me!"

"I--"

"DON'T!"

"I, I did look down. Eventually. Afterwards."

"What did you see?"

"Blood."

"And brains?"

"Yes."

"Did you feel any remorse then?"

"No."

"None?"

"I laughed."

"What kind of sick fuck are you?"

"I laughed."

"You're crying now."

"I know."

"Why are you're crying?"

"I cry at beautiful things."

"Kind of odd, don't you think?"

"Am I going to hell?"

"There's no such place."

"Am I in hell? That's why you're here, isn't it?"

"This isn't hell."

"Are you here to judge me?"

"I don't pass judgment."

"Then who does?"

"No one."

"Then why are you here?"

"You shot yourself. You put a gun against your head and pulled the trigger."

"Yes."

"You left your body to decay on this hill."

"Yes."

"Do you see your bones lying there?"

"I don't know."

"Come on. We have a lot more to see."

Friday, December 11, 2009

Silhouette

I'm happy to announce that the 12th Clarity of Night short fiction contest will soon be here!! I'm planning on the second week of January. Perfect for stamping out the post-holiday doldrums, no??

$160 in Prizes are on line ($50 for first place) and the chance to join the ranks of several published novelists who cut their teeth here before making the big time. I'm giving you a peek at the contest photo if you'd like to start ruminating early. Feel free to repost it.



Contest rules will be posted closer to the opening, but the most important one is that entries are limited to 250 words and must be inspired by the "Silhouette" photo.

See you all in a month!

Wednesday, December 09, 2009

Rape Me



Rape me
Rape me, my friend
Rape me
Rape me again
     --Nirvana Rape Me


"I'm so glad I finally got you," she said.

He had checked the caller ID on the cell phone. He'd never seen the number before. No reason to duck it.

"I tried to call a couple times before," she said. "You didn't pick up."

He sagged.

He needed to sit.

"Can I talk to you?" she said. "I mean, I know you probably don't want to. I hope that's not true, but it probably is. I hope it's not. But I understand. It's just that I really need to talk to you."

He touched his forehead where pain was hatching.

"Are you there?" she said.

The cracking pressure wasn't there a minute ago.

"Please," she said. "I'm feeling really awful tonight. I just need.... I just.... I don't know what I need. Can you just talk? Just tonight? Can you do that? Please?"

He straightened. Strong and still.

"Please?" she said.

Quivering inside.

He pushed himself away. Poured over a layer of liquid steel. And hardened.

"Please?" she said.

"Okay. Go ahead."


(I see that the embedded video bug has killed my comments button on this post. Go HERE for comments.)

Monday, December 07, 2009

The Mountain

Saturday, I had it made in the shade.

After years of hitting the winter woods and immersing in bone-cracking cold, I got myself a pop-up hunting blind and a propane heater. Oh my. I used to survive 2 hours before the pain became unbearable, and I would walk to warm. With this contraption, I did 10 hours in below freezing temperatures. Cozy!

Here was my morning view.



Here was my afternoon view after relocating. It gave me a great vista to watch a gentle snow settle in. Pretty, right?



Actually, it turned out to be a horror. It was cold enough to stick, but warm enough to clump and become really slippery. Nasty. I fell at least three times just hauling (or attempting to haul) my gear up to the cabin. (Note: pay special attention to up.)

Our cabin is about 200 feet vertically from the road below. It's a windy trip up. Some of it is steep. So steep that it is nearly impossible to walk it without resting at least once.

It was dark by the time I packed the cabin and prepped it for winter. Now came the exhilarating task of navigating a 9,000 pound truck back down to the road. (That's 4,082 kilograms for you modern people.) Let me say that pickup trucks make awesome snowboards. Who knew?

With each bit of descent, I lost control and slid. I managed to get the thing stopped when it flattened out again. Luckily, the tire tracks are pressed in, so I didn't slide down the mountainside. Then, I reached the really steep part. Holy hell. I stared down that big run with a curve in the middle. I was 96% of the way to panic.

I knew I was going to lose control big time. No question. I knew I was not going to make it in one piece. At best, I would smash into a tree. At worst, the truck would go over the side and wedge into the trees. The snow was falling in the headlights, illuminating a strange halo. I'd never faced such a dire situation on the mountain before.

I had a choice--leave the truck there and spend an un-planned for and un-equipped night and hope for warmer weather on Sunday, or try something else. Since the snow wasn't too deep, I used my feet to scrape out both tire tracks for about 100 to 150 yards down. (Not doing the metric conversion on that one.) It took me about 45 minutes, and I fell at least 10 times. Under the snow was mud and wet leaves. Oh yeah.

Once the tracks were prepared, I sloooooowly lowered myself down. The contact with the dirt and stone did the trick. No wild careening into a maple. No slalom into a watery ravine. The rest of the way was slippery, but without that incline, it was manageable. I wanted to kiss the road at the bottom, but that was snow covered too. I had a long, treacherous haul home.

But I made it. Whew.

Moral of the story: when the flakes start sticking, move the truck down!!

Friday, December 04, 2009

Game Friday: Saviors and the Saved

We've got a toe dipped into December now. Hope everything is going well for you!

For us northern folks, winter is creeping in. We saw our first snowflakes in the mountains last weekend.

The game today is answering a delving question: Growing up, were you more likely to fantasize about being the savior or the saved? Were you the one rushing headlong into danger, or the one swept away by that one person perfectly tuned to your needs? And did those fantasies cross into your dreams about love?

For me, I was definitely in the savior camp. I imagined all sorts of fierce trouble to grapple with and overcome. Interestingly, I always expected to pay a price. To sacrifice for the rescue. I wasn't the untouchable Superman who never was really at personal risk.

The construct did carry into my love wistfulness in a curious way. I was drawn to the notion of a haunted girl. Isolated. Alone. In quiet misery. I would be the one able to see, understand, and lift her from that darkness. I realize now that in the end, I wanted to be saved in return. By showing who I was and proving that I would do whatever it takes, regardless of the cost, I would earn my own understanding and intense loyalty. I wonder if something is similar for the saved types. Do they imagine turning around and rescuing their saviors? Let's hear your stories in comments!

Wednesday, December 02, 2009

Wavelength



legs serpentine
smooth against
not smooth
portrait fingers
tracing undulations
    and rising

back bending
shivering against
clawed sweat
tosses tearing
rainbow bodies
    and rising

willow roots
drowsing love
in smoking
dangerous soil
heat planted
    and rising