tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post113772728676916408..comments2023-09-22T07:03:03.280-04:00Comments on The Clarity of Night: Caroline, Part 5, Final (Fiction)Jason Evanshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14851992219298316168noreply@blogger.comBlogger22125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-1146714796671875212006-05-03T23:53:00.000-04:002006-05-03T23:53:00.000-04:00Flood, I really appreciate you saying so! This is...Flood, I really appreciate you saying so! This is one of my favorite pieces. I challenged myself to write a story in which a young girl is able to completely capture the attention of an adult man on a equal, personal level. In a way, they switch roles--she becomes the adult and he becomes the child. Extraordinary children can be like that. Of course, here the term "old soul" becomes the literal truth.<BR/><BR/>I think I was able to strike a nice balance between the technical elements of storytelling, mood, and the core story. However, the biggest treat is having people enjoy it. Glad you did!!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-1146685801071996382006-05-03T15:50:00.000-04:002006-05-03T15:50:00.000-04:00I really don't know what to say. I just felt it im...I really don't know what to say. I just felt it important to tell you I was completely riveted by this story from the beginning and it was fantastic. This is the 'kiss' Stephen King talks about when he wrote about his love for short stories. A brief sojourn to another place that gets the reader all wrapped up and concludes in one sitting. I loved it.Floodhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14341265651121116197noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-1138118405210660352006-01-24T11:00:00.000-05:002006-01-24T11:00:00.000-05:00Melissa, first of all, thank you for visiting! I ...Melissa, first of all, thank you for visiting! I love seeing new faces here. Secondly, thank you for the compliment!! I really enjoyed writing "Caroline," and I'm humbled by the reaction it has received.<BR/><BR/>Hope to see you back!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-1138043150836138392006-01-23T14:05:00.000-05:002006-01-23T14:05:00.000-05:00Jason - I am in awe. This is wonderful stuff. Y'k...Jason - I am in awe. This is wonderful stuff. Y'know, they say that lawyers who write fiction do an incredible job - and I can see that for myself!Melissa Amateishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16086267508858187716noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-1137810802635958072006-01-20T21:33:00.000-05:002006-01-20T21:33:00.000-05:00BeadinggalinMS, good for you! You solved it. Gla...BeadinggalinMS, good for you! You solved it. Glad you enjoyed it.<BR/><BR/>Jeff, I enjoyed weaving that mystical feel.<BR/><BR/>Anne, thanks! I hoped the ending would be satisfying.<BR/><BR/>Mermaid, being an extreme introspective person yourself, you saw my purpose behind the story. Thank you for sharing. :)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-1137807265448014262006-01-20T20:34:00.000-05:002006-01-20T20:34:00.000-05:00She feels such intensity for a childhood experienc...She feels such intensity for a childhood experience that she actually becomes a child. Brilliant. It was always in the bottomless blue of her eyes, wasn't it?mermaidhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15895749686844178804noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-1137803280142279792006-01-20T19:28:00.000-05:002006-01-20T19:28:00.000-05:00jason, that was wonderful!jason, that was wonderful!anne frasierhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13044828332429421657noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-1137799321025162102006-01-20T18:22:00.000-05:002006-01-20T18:22:00.000-05:00Well done, jason. I especially liked the mystical ...Well done, jason. I especially liked the mystical aspect of the story. :)Jeffhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06106410070220667314noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-1137796209054984292006-01-20T17:30:00.000-05:002006-01-20T17:30:00.000-05:00Jason-I figured it out in part 4 was hoping I was ...Jason-I figured it out in part 4 was hoping I was right. I really liked this one.Lindahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08665167693563457389noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-1137789100332247052006-01-20T15:31:00.000-05:002006-01-20T15:31:00.000-05:00Tru, thanks for letting me know you stopped by! I...Tru, thanks for letting me know you stopped by! I love it when folks from the Ghostplace forums visit. Hope to see you back!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-1137787538238733342006-01-20T15:05:00.000-05:002006-01-20T15:05:00.000-05:00wow... I'm from Ghostplace.. ..Wow.. mesmerising.....wow... I'm from Ghostplace.. ..Wow.. mesmerising..Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-1137784990246368802006-01-20T14:23:00.000-05:002006-01-20T14:23:00.000-05:00Sarah, thanks! I know most folks were looking for...Sarah, thanks! I know most folks were looking for a good scare. ;) I threw a little curve in there.<BR/><BR/>Kelly, thank you for the encouragement! I do hope I'm moving in the right direction. I'm trying to apply all of the important lessons you all have taught me in my WIP.<BR/><BR/>Robin, very much appreciated. =)<BR/><BR/>Mysfit, thank you so much for pointing out the strong points, but even more for pointing out the weak points! I won't repeat what I said below in the comments to Part 4, but your reactions were, are, and will be greatly valued. A writer never really knows if he or she has reached a certain point in technique and storytelling until independent people confirm it. I'm indebted to you and everyone else here for giving me that encouragement.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-1137781966770245392006-01-20T13:32:00.000-05:002006-01-20T13:32:00.000-05:00well done, very well done in fact - this part is d...well done, very well done in fact - this part is definitely good, etheral and poor david seems like he's not sure if he's woken up yet.<BR/><BR/>as far as the writing is concerned, this part is strong and in fact, your ability to build tension and suspense without losing details or character is remarkable (you'd be surprised how much suspense is lost with over description). <BR/><BR/>i think considering each part, part 4 could do with the most revising, "tighening up". while the dialogue is strong - giving Caroline an ageless childhood and putting David at a loss for his love and longing - i found the lines in between somewhat choppy and distracting. Here's i'll just drop down and find an example.<BR/><BR/>on the whole, i bow to your talent and hope there are more of such lovely stories to come... (sorry about the long comment)mysfithttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10165363384097411393noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-1137780181919249632006-01-20T13:03:00.000-05:002006-01-20T13:03:00.000-05:00I like it! :)I like it! :)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06507129192655971640noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-1137779648377807832006-01-20T12:54:00.000-05:002006-01-20T12:54:00.000-05:00Oooh, great twist, Jason!! You're so good. =DOooh, great twist, Jason!! You're so good. =DKelly (Lynn) Parrahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04827605655761900263noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-1137765772798520052006-01-20T09:02:00.000-05:002006-01-20T09:02:00.000-05:00Tanya, thank you! Writing it has made me miss sta...Tanya, thank you! Writing it has made me miss staying at the real inn which inspired the story.<BR/><BR/>Anne, thanks! I took special care writing the process of David's realization. Glad you liked it!!<BR/><BR/>Livewire, so you weren't disappointed? Very cool! =D<BR/><BR/>Kara, I was actually laughing at myself. If found this ending very emotional. For me, this story was about the soul of a person--not just some transparent photocopy rising out of a body, but that core person in each of us which formed during some moment in our lives and persists unchanged no matter what else might happen over the years.<BR/><BR/>Bernita, thanks mom!<BR/><BR/>BeadinggalinMS, did you figure it out? I wondered if anyone would. Thanks for the compliment! =)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-1137764171323891952006-01-20T08:36:00.000-05:002006-01-20T08:36:00.000-05:00WOW! My feelings about Caroline was right. Great...WOW! My feelings about Caroline was right. Great ending!!Lindahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08665167693563457389noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-1137758577647744142006-01-20T07:02:00.000-05:002006-01-20T07:02:00.000-05:00Oh, sweet. Sweet.Oh, sweet. Sweet.Bernitahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05264585685253812090noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-1137744108300534082006-01-20T03:01:00.000-05:002006-01-20T03:01:00.000-05:00Oh, I'd just love to know what's going on behind C...Oh, I'd just love to know what's going on behind Caroline's eyelids right about now. Great ending.Kara Alisonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17382393133894023610noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-1137740457895593522006-01-20T02:00:00.000-05:002006-01-20T02:00:00.000-05:00Oh man! I may not have been as far off as I thoug...Oh man! I may not have been as far off as I thought! This is just incredible! You weave such a superb tale.LiVEwiRehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10617307810655492590noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-1137739647639123092006-01-20T01:47:00.000-05:002006-01-20T01:47:00.000-05:00Very nice! Surprisingly emotional. And I like how ...Very nice! Surprisingly emotional. And I like how you showed David's realization and accompanying loss of 'it'.annehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08734374991569484126noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-1137731255923507212006-01-19T23:27:00.000-05:002006-01-19T23:27:00.000-05:00Spooky! I love it! Wow, you're great with buildi...Spooky! I love it! Wow, you're great with building the suspense. Very nicely done, Jason. :-)<BR/><BR/>TanyaShesawriterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14904247751806210823noreply@blogger.com