tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post3195606865353986524..comments2023-09-22T07:03:03.280-04:00Comments on The Clarity of Night: Entry #77Jason Evanshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14851992219298316168noreply@blogger.comBlogger27125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-46724989233108440262011-07-31T13:23:51.150-04:002011-07-31T13:23:51.150-04:00I love super creative stories like this one. Stel...I love super creative stories like this one. Stellar isea and excellent writing to support it!<br /><br />Congratulations on the honorable mention!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-21381182029092646692011-07-27T12:51:59.356-04:002011-07-27T12:51:59.356-04:00Hew! - well done on your honorable mention Simon.Hew! - well done on your honorable mention Simon.Cath Bartonnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-87470000520147047952011-07-25T18:35:42.070-04:002011-07-25T18:35:42.070-04:00Simon - I very much enjoyed the multiple interpret...Simon - I very much enjoyed the multiple interpretations. I thought that this could definitely be the lead-in to something much bigger. What I couldn't see though was why Jen saw skulls. I'd love to know what she's hiding.JaneyVhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04951739945670483199noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-65838659980750254132011-07-25T16:06:16.514-04:002011-07-25T16:06:16.514-04:00Thanks for all your comments and feedback folks - ...Thanks for all your comments and feedback folks - very much appreciated. Now I really am tempted to work this up into a longer story.<br /><br />Richard : point taken! Don't think I've seen that movie though?Simon Kewinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11537163555998763769noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-21738283530723399192011-07-25T15:40:13.989-04:002011-07-25T15:40:13.989-04:00Beautiful read... Poignant story, the tension bet...Beautiful read... Poignant story, the tension between Dan and Jen emerging towards the end, just peeking out and giving us a ghostly shove. Very well crafted, and the imagery and characterizations are fantastic. Thank you for sharing this!Guilie Castillohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09006999087139126972noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-50466685401211711482011-07-24T22:23:58.693-04:002011-07-24T22:23:58.693-04:00I enjoyed this. It was so visual, it moved well, ...I <i> enjoyed</i> this. It was so visual, it moved well, there was investment with the main character. I think it's a great flash piece!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-76153247096796432472011-07-24T19:23:35.798-04:002011-07-24T19:23:35.798-04:00I simply enjoyed reading this, and that is what it...I simply enjoyed reading this, and that is what it is all about, nice job!Michael Morsehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07451637745981389920noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-1228795268201969762011-07-23T11:09:56.056-04:002011-07-23T11:09:56.056-04:00Simon:
I think this would make a terrific short s...Simon:<br /><br />I think this would make a terrific short story, and hope to see it some day.<br /><br />My wife and I started a little campaign for movie titles so they tell you more about what you're about to see. An example of a good would be: I Murdered My Wife By Drowning Her Under the Bridge, and You're Next!<br /><br />It might help us save a few bucks, but it does release the tension. :-)Richard Levangiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16596356126446766607noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-67766584924777393462011-07-23T10:46:28.635-04:002011-07-23T10:46:28.635-04:00Touching. I like the affect you've achieved wi...Touching. I like the affect you've achieved with different viewpoints here. At first, I thought they were slightly different ways of seeing the same thing, but later it seems they are appearing differently to different people. Until we get to Jen, you've created a terrific sense of wonder. With Jen it turns deliciously darker.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14170148559429001125noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-59236789823209133952011-07-23T10:09:10.368-04:002011-07-23T10:09:10.368-04:00A really cool story. The different points of view ...A really cool story. The different points of view from the folks was very interesting. Kind of interested to see if this could be expanded.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15675220785164388203noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-70301097281090638912011-07-22T19:04:30.355-04:002011-07-22T19:04:30.355-04:00Excellent! I love how all the different perspecti...Excellent! I love how all the different perspectives merge, until we culminate with the broken-hearted and the metaphorical sight of death. You floated through POVs like the symbols floated through the sky; the effect was wonderful.<br /><br />Thank you for sharing!Michele Zugnonihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12394802719932859470noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-57280510650039441322011-07-21T16:16:44.286-04:002011-07-21T16:16:44.286-04:00I like the magical realism of this piece. They see...I like the magical realism of this piece. They see what is in their hearts - and he better drop Jen if he knows what is good for him! Nicely done! ~Jana A.bluesugarpoethttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14775769108087898456noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-84488644005937770602011-07-21T12:46:08.064-04:002011-07-21T12:46:08.064-04:00sure the title gave away what Jen saw, but is it n...sure the title gave away <b>what</b> Jen saw, but is it never near as important as the <b>why</b>.<br />and the why is not given away that easily.SzélsőFahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11600289147447182465noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-76573085864246997012011-07-21T06:14:29.629-04:002011-07-21T06:14:29.629-04:00I really liked this, despite the ending being give...I really liked this, despite the ending being given away by the title.fairyhedgehoghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14141089706966852951noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-74678833599048055052011-07-20T22:42:16.025-04:002011-07-20T22:42:16.025-04:00Nice fantasy idea. It has many strong points.Nice fantasy idea. It has many strong points.Phil Whttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08261840720705703731noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-81107398628648512822011-07-20T17:33:35.547-04:002011-07-20T17:33:35.547-04:00Hi Simon,
Really liked this concept, fella. And, ...Hi Simon,<br /><br />Really liked this concept, fella. And, I agree, this story defo has legs. You did well exposing their relationship issues in such a short piece. Perhaps, "I Saw Hearts, But..." - or similar - just a suggestion.<br /><br />One of my faves.<br /><br />Regards,<br />ColAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17913040012695421077noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-64761621993218302252011-07-20T13:10:55.861-04:002011-07-20T13:10:55.861-04:00Count me in for the longer version. I loved ALL of...Count me in for the longer version. I loved ALL of the viewpoints and even though I knew Jen was going to see skulls, it didn't matter. Poor Dan...Katherine Tomlinsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09696623795926663895noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-70141524876862917762011-07-20T11:45:55.179-04:002011-07-20T11:45:55.179-04:00Thanks for the comments! You all make excellent po...Thanks for the comments! You all make excellent points. I may well write a longer version. And fair point about the title giving it away. It was just such a good title, I felt, that I couldn't resist!Simon Kewinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11537163555998763769noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-60792736873332119722011-07-20T08:19:35.585-04:002011-07-20T08:19:35.585-04:00aww, i sense another tradegy, a child loss here in...aww, i sense another tradegy, a child loss here in this strong writing :(<br />i liked how each one of the characters came alive with just a couple of references... perhaps Bud was a dog...SzélsőFahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11600289147447182465noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-22192771803905430662011-07-20T07:34:43.915-04:002011-07-20T07:34:43.915-04:00I loved the title, and that made me want to read. ...I loved the title, and that made me want to read. But, it gave away the ending. <br /><br />A fascinating concept, nonetheless. Expand this one, then sell it. It has so much potential with their relationship and the magic realism.pegjethttp://pegjet.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-84489828825715739302011-07-20T00:44:17.598-04:002011-07-20T00:44:17.598-04:00Hmmm...Jen sees skulls, Dan sees heart....love gon...Hmmm...Jen sees skulls, Dan sees heart....love gone wrong?<br /><br />Dottie :)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08688849410604429533noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-68596320171866228922011-07-19T20:06:24.991-04:002011-07-19T20:06:24.991-04:00I would have loved to read a longer story...but it...I would have loved to read a longer story...but it is cool how you end with death-heads.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04283371140346602856noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-16457604043261215142011-07-19T18:14:07.869-04:002011-07-19T18:14:07.869-04:00I like the tension between Jen and the narrator, a...I like the tension between Jen and the narrator, and I would have loved to seen that really magnified and explored. I want to know more! <br /><br />Nonetheless, an interesting tale. Good job.Catrinanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-31466735421380253022011-07-19T17:54:47.035-04:002011-07-19T17:54:47.035-04:00Oh my stars - skulls! - you tell a brilliant multi...Oh my stars - skulls! - you tell a brilliant multi layered complex story in so few words like no other - you really do! This is perfect. I love the dialogue, the little nuggets - Jen shirking from being touch "since him" - I mean that just speaks volumes. Some see fairies, she sees skulls. <br /><br />Wonderful!!! Take care<br />xOld Kittyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13185547869183611159noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-61165455617506458062011-07-19T13:25:06.723-04:002011-07-19T13:25:06.723-04:00Yikes! I'm guessing he loves her and she's...Yikes! I'm guessing he loves her and she's got some ulterior motives! I really liked this! Good job!Aimee Lainehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15201246474625590886noreply@blogger.com