tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post4008103116276554437..comments2023-09-22T07:03:03.280-04:00Comments on The Clarity of Night: Entry #230Jason Evanshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14851992219298316168noreply@blogger.comBlogger29125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-54655306089620512572010-01-19T12:16:55.235-05:002010-01-19T12:16:55.235-05:00horrible. what she did I mean, the writing is exc...horrible. what she did I mean, the writing is excellent. Paced very nicely.catvibehttp://www.catvibe.net/blognoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-76738370427998978892010-01-19T01:35:34.132-05:002010-01-19T01:35:34.132-05:00Oh, that is so wrong. And believable. Hey, if a ...Oh, that is so <i>wrong</i>. And believable. Hey, if a system exists, a person exists who will exploit it to serve their own needs.<br /><br />I was at first thrown off by a few of the word choices (tender smile, fierce embrace), but I realized at the end that they were clues to her subterfuge.<br /><br />Nicely written. I can't stand the MC by the end, but in a good way. (Quibble: Shouldn't Dodge be capitalized? As in "get out of Dodge (City)"?)PJDhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05028687955957107957noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-32888071819720201492010-01-18T22:25:33.314-05:002010-01-18T22:25:33.314-05:00all in a day's work, she's entitled to tha...all in a day's work, she's entitled to that beer...grifting and panhandling is hard, dangerous work in all kinds of weather, got to beat off the competition to boot...it's a dog eat dog world so I'd say....but this elegant bird of prey has it down to an art...Linda Ryan-Harperhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15164148666810818891noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-28735379364864104252010-01-18T08:09:07.930-05:002010-01-18T08:09:07.930-05:00Always ready to cosh a friend in need!Always ready to cosh a friend in need!JaneyVhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04951739945670483199noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-60084125781040209052010-01-18T06:45:24.619-05:002010-01-18T06:45:24.619-05:00Well, I re-read it, and thanks to Janey V for gent...Well, I re-read it, and thanks to Janey V for gently clubbing me over the head, I get it now.James R Tomlinsonnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-10104675711788759542010-01-18T02:15:12.290-05:002010-01-18T02:15:12.290-05:00Excellent twist. Turning the typical victim into a...Excellent twist. Turning the typical victim into a perpetrator was brillaint.Craighttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04344917148662934359noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-49136126427418212282010-01-17T18:57:15.121-05:002010-01-17T18:57:15.121-05:00JR - it is a home for battered women. They regula...JR - it is a home for battered women. They regularly turn up with nothing but the clothes on their backs so the shelters have bags ready for them with everything they need so that they do not feel so desperate that they go back to their abuser. The MC knows this and has pulled a fast one - pretending to be one of these totally bereft women so that she can snatch the bag and leg it.<br /><br />Stephanie - I love your survivor. Of course what she's doing is despicable but you have to admire her resilience. I love the dialogue and the way the MC's true character is finally revealed.<br /><br />Nicely written.JaneyVhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04951739945670483199noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-36421173731344173742010-01-17T08:54:40.192-05:002010-01-17T08:54:40.192-05:00Ow, she is a cold one. You did turn my emotions an...Ow, she is a cold one. You did turn my emotions and expectations on end. Not a bad thing at all, but if you did want a smoother transition from battered woman to heartless grifter, you could throw in some foreshadowing.Deb Smythenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-21053315380316605422010-01-16T21:57:48.285-05:002010-01-16T21:57:48.285-05:00Like Sarah, I certainly have a hard time finding h...Like Sarah, I certainly have a hard time finding her a sympathetic character, and so I think you've succeeded in creating her well. Great concept in this one.Karenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12003379181294550035noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-49052135070642610932010-01-16T18:59:40.029-05:002010-01-16T18:59:40.029-05:00Ooh. She deserves ... something! ;)Ooh. She deserves ... something! ;)Aimee Lainehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15201246474625590886noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-13724831439159679222010-01-16T17:41:59.967-05:002010-01-16T17:41:59.967-05:00I got the grifter aspect. I also didn't much c...I got the grifter aspect. I also didn't much care for her, which means you got her character across very well in so few words. Good job.<br /><br />I'd love to see her in a longer piece where we find out more about what makes her tick and the parts of her that make her more likeable or relatable or even just understandable.Sarah Laurensonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09252565450452195395noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-72287551231367607052010-01-16T15:00:27.764-05:002010-01-16T15:00:27.764-05:00I did like it, but would have preferred a stronger...I did like it, but would have preferred a stronger hint at the end as too what exactly Joni was up to - I got that she was pulling a fast one at the shelter, but not what it was a cover for. I do see you want us to feel sorry for her at first and that does work.Patsyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12263765378083045973noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-78737080368593195612010-01-16T07:05:05.329-05:002010-01-16T07:05:05.329-05:00For some reason I'm thinking the main characte...For some reason I'm thinking the main character is at a safehouse for battered women. If so, I'm a bit thrown off with the "get out of dodge bag." Something is missing.James R. Tomlinsonnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-65836348105040290412010-01-16T00:42:34.345-05:002010-01-16T00:42:34.345-05:00@ Aerin, It is my first entry anywhere! and my sin...@ Aerin, It is my first entry anywhere! and my sincerest thanks to you and everyone else for being so welcoming! <br /><br />Regarding dear Joni... Yes, Joni is a grifter type. I didn't want to give away her scheme too quickly- I wanted to provide the reader with the opportunity to have compassion for her before finding out who she was and how she 'got by'... upon reflection I think that can be written to unfold several different ways. <br /><br />Thanks for all the input- seriously!Stephanie Greennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-19740214981194871232010-01-15T23:25:08.391-05:002010-01-15T23:25:08.391-05:00Uhmm... although i loved how it flowed and the cha...Uhmm... although i loved how it flowed and the characterization...i was also at a loss as to what Joni was up to. Then i read Bernita's comment and i went "Ohhh..." :pPreetihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00279859240371070699noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-15811752411026304602010-01-15T22:10:34.742-05:002010-01-15T22:10:34.742-05:00Caveat
Something I Would Keep
The movement of the ...<br><br><a href="http://www.insearchofgiants.com/2010/01/commenting-on-silhouette.html" rel="nofollow">Caveat</a><br><br /><b>Something I Would Keep</b><br><br />The <i>movement</i> of the piece. There's definite <i>action</i> and it moves along skillfully. This is seriously your first entry? Welcome!!!<br /><br /><b>Something I Might Tweak</b><br><br />Okay, I'm a blonde (um, sure, yes, it's natural), but I didn't quite get what Joni is doing. Bernita suggests robbing, but I thought secret-agent type thing. Might be worth making it a little clearer.<br /><br />And it's funny, I sort of thought Four Dinners liked his female characters...female...but, yeah, crafty is a good word ;)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-29520371034450132632010-01-15T21:57:06.744-05:002010-01-15T21:57:06.744-05:00I genuinely appreciate the feedback and kind words...I genuinely appreciate the feedback and kind words! Additionally, thanks for the opportunity to submit amidst all of the impressive talent here. I am elated at all the amazing writing I have been reading. <br /><br />so I am clear, I take it Four Dinners likes his female characters crafty...? :)Stephanie Greennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-54198716491204320502010-01-15T16:08:37.100-05:002010-01-15T16:08:37.100-05:00Loved the idea that she does this regularly!Loved the idea that she does this regularly!Rachel Greenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13048590167153841615noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-81103420901390542432010-01-15T12:48:14.710-05:002010-01-15T12:48:14.710-05:00Aniket knows me so well!!!
I think I'm in lov...Aniket knows me so well!!!<br /><br />I think I'm in love with Joni....;-)<br /><br />Terrific writing and not 'too subtle' at all!!DILLIGAFhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16520650650468676361noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-18026624809091634802010-01-15T11:22:51.406-05:002010-01-15T11:22:51.406-05:00perfectly penned, stephanie :)perfectly penned, stephanie :)laughingwolfhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08873675614347328116noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-30774972934182949112010-01-14T20:28:52.597-05:002010-01-14T20:28:52.597-05:00Yep. I wouldn't mind a "get out of dodge ...Yep. I wouldn't mind a "get out of dodge bag" either! And Joni is one dodgy lady!I loved the dialogue of the lady behind the desk too. It made me laugh (-: I really enjoyed this story.Louisehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00539086690347476923noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-52791265647247978402010-01-14T08:24:48.165-05:002010-01-14T08:24:48.165-05:00"It was a get out of dodge bag" I think ..."It was a get out of dodge bag" I think we can all make use of a bag like that.<br /><br />Great piece of flash, but the theme connection eludes me.Angel Zapatahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01166540490117426226noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-46268180132702492132010-01-14T07:23:38.007-05:002010-01-14T07:23:38.007-05:00I am secretly gleeing over you joining me, especia...I am secretly gleeing over you joining me, especially here! The Clarity of Night contests are always fun. Read some of the others and comment. This is a good debut for you Runte. ;)Carrie Clevengerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05093923008179106837noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-38703367031888875442010-01-14T01:31:24.321-05:002010-01-14T01:31:24.321-05:00My pal Four Dinners is gonna love this lady. ;)
S...My pal Four Dinners is gonna love this lady. ;)<br /><br />Superb character sketch. Enjoyed reading it a lot.Aniket Thakkarhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18311954967682696734noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-73229684499856050072010-01-14T00:17:36.583-05:002010-01-14T00:17:36.583-05:00Great story, great tone. Very unlikeable MC. Well ...Great story, great tone. Very unlikeable MC. Well done, you!Laurelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06120847492230531939noreply@blogger.com