tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post4747420133291596876..comments2023-09-22T07:03:03.280-04:00Comments on The Clarity of Night: Forties Club Finalist #41Jason Evanshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14851992219298316168noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-27191518158008360632010-08-01T01:48:23.210-04:002010-08-01T01:48:23.210-04:00I agree with the consensus; great voice but a tad ...I agree with the consensus; great voice but a tad confusing at the end.Craighttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04344917148662934359noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-16671585027050784372010-07-30T18:05:42.878-04:002010-07-30T18:05:42.878-04:00Great voice! I was digging the 2nd person narrativ...Great voice! I was digging the 2nd person narrative (which is difficult to do well in my opinion), but got a little lost in the transition.Vincent Kalehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04625863843215035035noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-64821926379885146872010-07-29T08:15:20.648-04:002010-07-29T08:15:20.648-04:00The role reversal was a little abrupt, but the voi...The role reversal was a little abrupt, but the voice is great.Deb Smythehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10990130480508998598noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-71069091074972308062010-07-29T06:51:12.358-04:002010-07-29T06:51:12.358-04:00I liked the voice too.I liked the voice too.JaneyVhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04951739945670483199noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-49971692816650740632010-07-29T00:09:25.645-04:002010-07-29T00:09:25.645-04:00Fun tone and voice. I struggled with the POV a bit...Fun tone and voice. I struggled with the POV a bit but the story came through loud and clear. <br /><br />My favorite thing about this is that I have a strong mental image of what the players look like even though they are not described.Laurelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06120847492230531939noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-6674479938608327062010-07-28T22:42:17.595-04:002010-07-28T22:42:17.595-04:00I love this! Leaves a lot of the action out in fav...I love this! Leaves a lot of the action out in favor of attitude, but I still "saw" what happened. Well done!bekbekhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17935766604154823539noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-18721971134185673372010-07-28T01:02:35.864-04:002010-07-28T01:02:35.864-04:00Hi Donna
So, Vinny's henchmen is the speaker ...Hi Donna<br /><br />So, Vinny's henchmen is the speaker and then the roles are reversed, right? The killee becomes the killer.<br /><br />I think I have it right... confused for a minute, but I have to say, nice reversal and delivery.<br /><br />Dottie :)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08688849410604429533noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-19194146178111810872010-07-26T23:31:25.539-04:002010-07-26T23:31:25.539-04:00I especially like how things turn after I got up s...I especially like how things turn after <i>I got up slowly</i>. Nice reversal of fortune, and a unique take on the jewels.Jade L Blackwaterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15321787298101881675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-49426458138458346702010-07-26T17:30:57.757-04:002010-07-26T17:30:57.757-04:00Great voice. I felt like a gangster while I was re...Great voice. I felt like a gangster while I was reading.Michael Morsehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07451637745981389920noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-20419906252424912602010-07-25T21:56:26.916-04:002010-07-25T21:56:26.916-04:00So the guy talking in the beginning isn't the ...So the guy talking in the beginning isn't the one in trouble ... I think I got it. :)Aimee Lainehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15201246474625590886noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-6286867781085279232010-07-25T17:14:01.712-04:002010-07-25T17:14:01.712-04:00I like the first couple of paragraphs, particularl...I like the first couple of paragraphs, particularly the language of the voice. I don't understand what happened at the end, though. The tarp and the ruby and the change in who's in charge was a bit abrupt.PJDhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05028687955957107957noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-48047914245501519282010-07-25T16:58:55.176-04:002010-07-25T16:58:55.176-04:00The voice is great.
The story's not my cuppa...The voice is great. <br /><br />The story's not my cuppa. I got lost in the who, what, where.Sarah Laurensonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09252565450452195395noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-14795657632695823832010-07-25T14:37:19.680-04:002010-07-25T14:37:19.680-04:00Wow! Looks like you're the writer in the famil...Wow! Looks like you're the writer in the family, sis. Fab effort.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-60468678969682686742010-07-25T13:00:09.370-04:002010-07-25T13:00:09.370-04:00The switch from 2nd person to 1st person seemed co...The switch from 2nd person to 1st person seemed confusing, but I'm thinking the narrator was offering advice based on his own conflict. or is it the henchman, he's talking about?JR's Thumbprintshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10479324326541901987noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-25778469787203503382010-07-25T12:44:07.748-04:002010-07-25T12:44:07.748-04:00Love that voice!Love that voice!Oddyoddyo13https://www.blogger.com/profile/05557994037779209704noreply@blogger.com