tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post5057603239283282654..comments2023-09-22T07:03:03.280-04:00Comments on The Clarity of Night: Entry #104Jason Evanshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14851992219298316168noreply@blogger.comBlogger25125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-44897348564737639822010-01-19T16:00:19.257-05:002010-01-19T16:00:19.257-05:00my caveat
Something I Would Keep
Something I Migh...<br><br><a href="http://www.insearchofgiants.com/2010/01/commenting-on-silhouette.html" rel="nofollow">my caveat</a><br><br /><b>Something I Would Keep</b><br><br /><br /><b>Something I Might Tweak</b><br><br /><br />Dear Entrants #1-105,<br /><br />I have read your pieces so that I can fairly participate in the Readers' Choice vote. (I read all of them through last week, before I started commenting.) I <i>will</i> be coming back around to offer <a href="http://www.insearchofgiants.com/2010/01/commenting-on-silhouette.html" rel="nofollow">my keep/tweak comment</a>, but I didn't want anyone to snark. <br /><br />Cheers,<br />Aerin (#236)<br /><br />BTW, it's perfectly fine if you still want to snark, but this way you can choose a more appropriate subject, like the Golden Globes or those wretched Old Navy dummies.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-73080340413407547912010-01-19T09:20:43.735-05:002010-01-19T09:20:43.735-05:00Compelling and very well written - definitely on m...Compelling and very well written - definitely on my top ten list! Brava!Tessahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05233122532137654099noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-56756198920639722322010-01-18T22:49:03.017-05:002010-01-18T22:49:03.017-05:00Thank you for all your kind comments. I am so ple...Thank you for all your kind comments. I am so pleased that people have enjoyed this piece. <br /><br />I do wish to clarify something, given the fact that many people seem to think there was a loss of human life. <br /><br />The only victim here is the rabbit.<br /><br />Perhaps a better ending:<br /><br />"Lilly-Rose with a red rose blooming from her gaping chest.<br /><br />The Ruger fired. Benita opened her eyes; the rabbit lay crumpled on the ground. High above the turkey vultures gathered, circled patiently."<br /><br />I thought I had made it clear that the only way Benita can take out the rabbit (it's her first kill, after all) is by imagining it's Lilly-Rose. That's why Lilly-Rose is bleeding before the riffle goes off and why Benita closes her eyes so she doesn't realize that she's shooting at the rabbit and not at Lilly-Rose. (Whether or not she takes out Lily-Rose at school is a story for another day.)<br /><br />It's interesting to see how other people interpret the story, and I will strive to do better in my next submission.<br /><br />Thank you so much for your kind commentary. I really do appreciate the time everyone's taken to comment. =)Cathttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07803751542665932866noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-91288750250052651392010-01-18T22:16:18.173-05:002010-01-18T22:16:18.173-05:00yeah, take that Lily-Rose...what Benita can't ...yeah, take that Lily-Rose...what Benita can't have she'll steal from others...chilling, Carrie-like (except who needs psychokinesis when you got a bolt-action rifle and only one target in sight) and beautifully written...ain't language a pip? I suppose if we ever realized its full power, we'd be more inhibited in its use....Linda Ryan-Harperhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15164148666810818891noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-69784151094909662542010-01-18T07:28:08.338-05:002010-01-18T07:28:08.338-05:00Ditto Aniket. This one will stay with me for a lo...Ditto Aniket. This one will stay with me for a long time. You've captured the feeling of being bullied, and the helplessness of not having support at home, and the slow but almost inevitable conclusion. Very well written.Chris Eldinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16732006129353079344noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-28888797732549303982010-01-17T23:25:48.338-05:002010-01-17T23:25:48.338-05:00Wow. Intense stuff - this makes for compelling rea...Wow. Intense stuff - this makes for compelling reading; quite an achievement in so few words.Terrihttp://misterri.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-18111702517281697222010-01-15T04:34:25.595-05:002010-01-15T04:34:25.595-05:00This is a haunting one; you've conjured up a g...This is a haunting one; you've conjured up a great atmosphere.McKoalahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01457446171624585099noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-67822702161709362412010-01-14T11:22:07.408-05:002010-01-14T11:22:07.408-05:00Oh childhood can be SO painful. This is excellent...Oh childhood can be SO painful. This is excellently expressed, so much anger, hurt and jealously here. Very sad. Well written.catvibehttp://www.catvibe.net/blognoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-26254502568564432962010-01-12T12:22:07.075-05:002010-01-12T12:22:07.075-05:00Poor girl...well...Lily-Rose too...but poor girl.
...Poor girl...well...Lily-Rose too...but poor girl.<br /><br />So much anger and hate in one so young.<br /><br />Very emotional and emotive writing.<br /><br />Excellent I think.DILLIGAFhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16520650650468676361noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-19938996901586934232010-01-12T09:32:53.831-05:002010-01-12T09:32:53.831-05:00This was incredibly well written. You managed so m...This was incredibly well written. You managed so much story in so few words. Amazing.TLhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01613912638668399684noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-62657360292022754572010-01-12T09:17:41.298-05:002010-01-12T09:17:41.298-05:00Wow.
The pace and details are perfect and I like...Wow. <br /><br />The pace and details are perfect and I like the succinct explanation of how Lily-Rose comes to be the concentrated object of Benita's frustration.<br /><br />This was crushing.Laurelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06120847492230531939noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-25697665269954884542010-01-12T08:30:42.441-05:002010-01-12T08:30:42.441-05:00Didn't see this coming.
Very vivid.Didn't see this coming.<br />Very vivid.austerehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16839224877080864005noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-22543015074334890262010-01-12T03:03:25.443-05:002010-01-12T03:03:25.443-05:00Catrina - Benitas pain and anger is so palpable it...Catrina - Benitas pain and anger is so palpable it's almost painful to read. You have contained so much in these few words it's impossible for me to tell you everything I find praiseworthy - except to say that it is perfect.<br /><br />Wonderful wonderful writing.JaneyVhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04951739945670483199noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-4351397802104521192010-01-11T21:12:36.312-05:002010-01-11T21:12:36.312-05:00bang on, catrina :)bang on, catrina :)laughingwolfhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08873675614347328116noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-73066273711948347392010-01-11T14:46:07.916-05:002010-01-11T14:46:07.916-05:00Excellent.... excellent writing. I just hope I hav...Excellent.... excellent writing. I just hope I have not said this more than 5 times already, but surely one of my favourites. Great narration and storytelling. Thank you for giving us such a treat to read.Aniket Thakkarhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18311954967682696734noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-91860353133690570192010-01-11T12:14:44.653-05:002010-01-11T12:14:44.653-05:00Oh my, this was really disturbing! It's amazin...Oh my, this was really disturbing! It's amazing how much anger is summoned and can't be bottled up.Kartikhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01067636999700672077noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-31459354237716801872010-01-11T11:37:29.919-05:002010-01-11T11:37:29.919-05:00Excellent characterization and back story. A power...Excellent characterization and back story. A powerful psychological piece that can't fail to make an impact. Well crafted and subtly delivered.kashersnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-50941731021365925802010-01-11T10:13:05.722-05:002010-01-11T10:13:05.722-05:00Dark and troubling, but beautifully executed!Dark and troubling, but beautifully executed!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17034419617457525778noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-62245929377246218162010-01-11T07:21:48.566-05:002010-01-11T07:21:48.566-05:00my ears are still ringin...way to go!! :D
Mithun ...my ears are still ringin...way to go!! :D<br /><br />Mithun MukherjeeScribblers Inchttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01074085561810026537noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-43820979575569256552010-01-11T05:18:16.735-05:002010-01-11T05:18:16.735-05:00You can imagine my double-take on her name!
Really...You can imagine my double-take on her name!<br />Really superior characterization and story flow.Bernitahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05264585685253812090noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-18621103867353916942010-01-11T04:01:21.307-05:002010-01-11T04:01:21.307-05:00One can perfectly sense all the anger and what all...One can perfectly sense all the anger and what all she has in her mind. Loved everything about this story. Excellent writing :)lenahttp://www.thecolorsmagazine.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-7414069817537004122010-01-11T03:14:01.325-05:002010-01-11T03:14:01.325-05:00A lot of built up anger in one so young. You'v...A lot of built up anger in one so young. You've gotten into the skin of the chracter and told us her story.Craighttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04344917148662934359noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-43439864422297811152010-01-11T00:43:26.962-05:002010-01-11T00:43:26.962-05:00Cold and dark, with a lot of anger under the surfa...Cold and dark, with a lot of anger under the surface. Well written. I love the details and how you've shown us the girl's mind so clearly. The backstory is woven in masterfully.PJDhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05028687955957107957noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-1768272616665314072010-01-10T22:52:19.829-05:002010-01-10T22:52:19.829-05:00Very well written. It wasn't until "... ...Very well written. It wasn't until "... the feeling was not mutual," that I thought of what Benita was aiming for. --JRAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-56221858986172783362010-01-10T22:23:40.807-05:002010-01-10T22:23:40.807-05:00Wow, excellent stuff hereWow, excellent stuff herewrath999https://www.blogger.com/profile/10964105112015979524noreply@blogger.com