tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post5781230566882201308..comments2023-09-22T07:03:03.280-04:00Comments on The Clarity of Night: Entry #189Jason Evanshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14851992219298316168noreply@blogger.comBlogger31125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-27887622444387263262010-01-19T16:55:04.173-05:002010-01-19T16:55:04.173-05:00I like it. The concept, the mysticality, the writ...I like it. The concept, the mysticality, the writing, the whole thing. Excellent.catvibehttp://www.catvibe.net/blognoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-18415902780091317692010-01-18T19:47:19.261-05:002010-01-18T19:47:19.261-05:00Beautiful opening line. This was a very visual, mo...Beautiful opening line. This was a very visual, moving piece.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17034419617457525778noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-57313992493842182992010-01-17T08:33:26.043-05:002010-01-17T08:33:26.043-05:00You write very well, and your images are excellent...You write very well, and your images are excellent.<br /><br />"The crow stabbed at an errant feather with its silver beak." <br /><br />I loved that line.Bethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13860024042221101257noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-15787321498284479712010-01-17T06:07:17.304-05:002010-01-17T06:07:17.304-05:00Lily - this is a treat for the senses. I love the...Lily - this is a treat for the senses. I love the interaction between the Crow and Tom. Tom's desperation to find his wife is keenly felt - how will he react on finding her dead.<br /><br />Of course given the mystical quality of this I find myself wondering if what he sees in the void is reality or a possible future.<br /><br />I enjoyed this piece very much and I like your style.JaneyVhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04951739945670483199noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-89222404150167657722010-01-16T18:41:19.896-05:002010-01-16T18:41:19.896-05:00Ouch! More please. This story needs to be told in ...Ouch! More please. This story needs to be told in full.Sarah Laurensonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09252565450452195395noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-50888791618322979472010-01-16T17:29:59.180-05:002010-01-16T17:29:59.180-05:00Thanks for your comments Aerin. Yes, you are right...Thanks for your comments Aerin. Yes, you are right about Tom and Magenta being referred to as Tom Shaman, Magenta Shaman. Rather than being their surname (which is something else), it's a kind of title that has been awarded by the entities of the other realms, and only these entities would refer to them as such.<br /><br />Whilst this piece isn't an excerpt, it is related to a novel I'm writing, called Magenta Shaman, where this is made clearer. I realise I obviously didn't consider this in an abstract, short story. A lesson learnt for me. I hope it didn't detract too much.Lily Childshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15861288507716873813noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-20249966194598062072010-01-16T14:25:37.951-05:002010-01-16T14:25:37.951-05:00my caveat
Something I Would Keep
A really strong b...<br><br><a href="http://www.insearchofgiants.com/2010/01/commenting-on-silhouette.html" rel="nofollow">my caveat</a><br><br /><b>Something I Would Keep</b><br><br />A really strong beginning, with efficient description to hook the reader.<br /><br /><b>Something I Might Tweak</b><br><br />I was unclear about Shaman - capitalized as a name then not - as a description of Tom's role? I know people used to be called - oh, you know "Cooper" after their professions, and I was pretty sure that was the case, but then I wasn't sure.<br /><br />I'm rambling. I need to take a break. This was quite a nice entry to break on!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-51926896414392258962010-01-16T11:27:49.227-05:002010-01-16T11:27:49.227-05:00For me, the most revealing part of the story is th...For me, the most revealing part of the story is this: "The crow found him first. Its blue-black feathers flurried in the twilit sky like the tattered jacket of a jaded Morris dancer." This is one of those descriptions that any writer would envy.James R. Tomlinsonnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-85838093990982162312010-01-16T10:54:36.060-05:002010-01-16T10:54:36.060-05:00The writing is clean and gripping. You've tol...The writing is clean and gripping. You've told a really complete tale here, with only enough left out so we want to know more about Tom and his wife. Nice work.PJDhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05028687955957107957noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-59306522405076536562010-01-15T19:18:13.530-05:002010-01-15T19:18:13.530-05:00It's kind, Kartik, but thanks. Tom is still le...It's kind, Kartik, but thanks. Tom is still learning...Lily Childshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15861288507716873813noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-39957137508228541062010-01-15T15:32:27.140-05:002010-01-15T15:32:27.140-05:00The desperation in his voice was so vivid. It just...The desperation in his voice was so vivid. It just felt ... cruel!Kartikhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01067636999700672077noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-74783069216490580632010-01-15T15:25:42.642-05:002010-01-15T15:25:42.642-05:00Nice descriptions.Nice descriptions.Craighttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04344917148662934359noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-49731742730832964542010-01-15T03:45:07.976-05:002010-01-15T03:45:07.976-05:00Thank you so much everyone for your kind comments....Thank you so much everyone for your kind comments. I really value them. <br /><br />What a wonderful outlet this is, and great to read so many different styles.<br /><br />Thank you Jason.Lily Childshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15861288507716873813noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-38687117086439359582010-01-14T18:17:59.919-05:002010-01-14T18:17:59.919-05:00I entered this contest without giving it much thou...I entered this contest without giving it much thought, now, because of yours and many other stories I think of little else. I had chills while reading this, and that simply never (hardly) happens to me.<br /><br />I loved the desperation. Thank you, great work.Michael Morsehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07451637745981389920noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-28452804004645833652010-01-14T12:33:10.711-05:002010-01-14T12:33:10.711-05:00This is chilling and gorgeous at the same time- I ...This is chilling and gorgeous at the same time- I love the sharp ending.EChttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09359075647077590741noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-87744124595753545672010-01-14T11:27:08.045-05:002010-01-14T11:27:08.045-05:00Plucking the errant feather is where I was hooked....Plucking the errant feather is where I was hooked. As others have said, the imagery was excellent. This story could be expanded so very easily. But fills all the needs as it stands. Very nice.MRMacrumhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01414173517957120477noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-17562171813019763862010-01-13T16:26:08.112-05:002010-01-13T16:26:08.112-05:00definitely a keeper, thx lily...definitely a keeper, thx lily...laughingwolfhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08873675614347328116noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-16879003017321941182010-01-13T14:46:46.054-05:002010-01-13T14:46:46.054-05:00Great imagery in this piece. It was very easy to v...Great imagery in this piece. It was very easy to visualize the scene. I liked the story.lenahttp://www.thecolorsmagazine.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-28777808925791557792010-01-13T14:21:04.697-05:002010-01-13T14:21:04.697-05:00My favorite line:
Tom lay reclined in half-meditat...My favorite line:<br />Tom lay reclined in half-meditation; half-naked, fully despondent.<br /><br />Nice work.Deb Smythenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-41416041765490696242010-01-13T14:05:48.465-05:002010-01-13T14:05:48.465-05:00I loved the wise crow. And the desperation of Tom ...I loved the wise crow. And the desperation of Tom was very well brought out.<br /><br />Loved what i was visualizing while i was reading.Preetihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00279859240371070699noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-71688954247690596222010-01-13T13:09:00.091-05:002010-01-13T13:09:00.091-05:00Some excellent writing there, Lily. Fantastic ima...Some excellent writing there, Lily. Fantastic imagery throughout. A hell of a story in so few words.David Barberhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05006533626998905560noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-48494499953384393112010-01-13T12:45:52.890-05:002010-01-13T12:45:52.890-05:00Incredibly well crafted and the descriptions are f...Incredibly well crafted and the descriptions are fantastic. "Its blue-black feathers flurried in the twilit sky like the tattered jacket of a jaded Morris dancer" Man.Stephen Hillhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10877845819239556828noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-14969808408081343672010-01-13T12:14:13.847-05:002010-01-13T12:14:13.847-05:00That's a cracker!That's a cracker!Paul D Brazillhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12881642426845398389noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-60532018011628526262010-01-13T11:18:21.050-05:002010-01-13T11:18:21.050-05:00Thanks very much everyone.
I'm looking forwa...Thanks very much everyone. <br /><br />I'm looking forward to reading more entries this evening.Lily Childshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15861288507716873813noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-18330025840834031832010-01-13T10:45:34.522-05:002010-01-13T10:45:34.522-05:00Beautifully crafted.
"This could destroy you...Beautifully crafted.<br /><br />"This could destroy you." Wonderful reveal at what that really means with the last line.<br /><br />Applause!Chris Alliniottehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04094925215735680849noreply@blogger.com