tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post6355204454484541804..comments2023-09-22T07:03:03.280-04:00Comments on The Clarity of Night: Entry #25Jason Evanshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14851992219298316168noreply@blogger.comBlogger21125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-4136312093781901992007-05-02T10:49:00.000-04:002007-05-02T10:49:00.000-04:00>>>>>>>My original version had Dan starting to jot...>>>>>>>My original version had Dan starting to jot down the number then saying something like "wait didn't you say she doesn't complain about the sex anymore either" before tearing it up while fred realized the implications of it. The dialogue and the word count weren't working out in that version so I went this way instead.<<<<<<<BR/><BR/>I had the same thing happen to me. There were things I wanted to include but was constrained by the word count. I'm going to let mine sit for a bit and then I'm going to write it in the length that I think it needs.<BR/><BR/>I was pleased to see that your story got an Honourable Mention, because it was one of my favourites. Congratulations.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-26097550074046161302007-04-30T21:39:00.000-04:002007-04-30T21:39:00.000-04:00Great humor! Very well set up and delivered. The...Great humor! Very well set up and delivered. The dialog was spot on.<BR/><BR/>A high scorer overall.<BR/><BR/>Congratulations on the honorable mention!!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-8460691066536232182007-04-30T11:18:00.000-04:002007-04-30T11:18:00.000-04:00Congratulations on the HM, which beats a BM anytim...Congratulations on the HM, which beats a BM anytime, eh?<BR/><BR/>Also, thank you for explaining the end. I thought I had it, but I was like, "No, NO, that can't be it!" haha!Bethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17335415338155220244noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-9579248538196023332007-04-29T21:36:00.000-04:002007-04-29T21:36:00.000-04:00congratulations on your honorable mention. This wa...congratulations on your honorable mention. This was one of my favorites. :)Esther Avilahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06840416881970211377noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-36426928496620652682007-04-29T14:22:00.000-04:002007-04-29T14:22:00.000-04:00Thanks for all the kind comments everyone. I am gl...Thanks for all the kind comments everyone. I am glad you enjoyed it.<BR/><BR/><BR/>"Funny" isn't very easy to find in Jason's contests, but I was determined(probably too much so) to force it in a bit this time.<BR/><BR/>Scott/Verilion: Thanks, dialogue is something that I have always avoided because I didn't 'know how to do it'. It could use some fixing for sure, but all and all I am happy with the way this turned out.<BR/><BR/>Sam:"clever, made me laugh in the end" ....if there wasn't already enough proof that I am just 'weird like that', this statement is making me picture your butt laughing which in turn makes ME laugh in the end.<BR/><BR/>Wavemancali:Thanks, Lighter/funnier(albeit wierdly funny) side comes pretty easy for me. The darker stuff is much harder to do.<BR/><BR/>Beth: I would say you 'got it' you just might not want to think it was right. I had a few EWWWWW vs HA ha reactions to the ending myself.<BR/><BR/>Heather: Slightly???? is that a challenge?<BR/><BR/>Desiderata: Good question of which I myself am not really sure of the answer. On the one hand I think he may not realize yet what he has done. On the other maybe he realizes it and she was SUCH a nag that it is worth it.<BR/><BR/>Betty: Plenty THINK they would. I suspect when they finally saw what the result was they would be thinking differently though. IF they ever 'got it' at least.<BR/><BR/>Susan: VERY good points and ones I thought of as well. Actually,My original version had Dan starting to jot down the number then saying something like "wait didn't you say she doesn't complain about the sex anymore either" before tearing it up while fred realized the implications of it. The dialogue and the word count weren't working out in that version so I went this way instead. <BR/><BR/>Again, thanks for all the kind comments all. I welcome the 'how could it have been done better' comments just as much if not more so. If you have any of those I welcome them(here or over my way or through email if you prefer) Go ahead I can take it.<BR/><BR/>BDbriliantdonkeyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05159881776835603748noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-33082116378532271142007-04-28T14:13:00.000-04:002007-04-28T14:13:00.000-04:00This made me smile. And then that last line. May...This made me smile. And then that last line. Maybe it's because I'm a woman reading a story written from male perspectives... but that last line could be read so many different ways. <BR/><BR/>Perhaps, just perhaps... the experiment has in reality backfired on Fred and he just doesn't realize it yet. Maybe the wife doesn't complain about the sex anymore because she is getting it elsewhere and it's better.<BR/><BR/>That kind of open-to-interpretation ending makes for an interesting story. Nicely done.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-10554473506724040552007-04-27T08:40:00.000-04:002007-04-27T08:40:00.000-04:00Excellent! Made me laugh out loud! :) And the pace...Excellent! Made me laugh out loud! :) And the pace is just right.bekbekhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17935766604154823539noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-38747986198446884072007-04-26T16:25:00.000-04:002007-04-26T16:25:00.000-04:00How many guys would like this "magician" around??O...How many guys would like this "magician" around??<BR/>Or maybe reverse?<BR/>I love the humor and the ending.<BR/>BettyBetty Gordonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00286407484811138021noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-26660755707966587212007-04-25T11:08:00.000-04:002007-04-25T11:08:00.000-04:00Funny story. Made me smile.Funny story. Made me smile.Judehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14121286194338647357noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-39497846753282428312007-04-25T09:30:00.000-04:002007-04-25T09:30:00.000-04:00I like the dark yet humourous ending -- got more t...I like the dark yet humourous ending -- got more than a customer can bargain for, eh? OR is it caveat emptor?chong y lhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10365847893009738913noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-67039037330786796282007-04-24T22:17:00.000-04:002007-04-24T22:17:00.000-04:00see, ~told~ you it was good! it's so typical of wh...see, ~told~ you it was good! it's so typical of what i have come to expect from you. that ever so slightly tilted view of life. <B>:-)</B>heatherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08706296327058741584noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-29120688929451644562007-04-24T21:19:00.000-04:002007-04-24T21:19:00.000-04:00BD - this was very funny. I was laughing but then ...BD - this was very funny. I was laughing but then I got to the end - then I REALLY laughed. Great! LOLEsther Avilahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06840416881970211377noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-91265852641742005142007-04-24T15:21:00.000-04:002007-04-24T15:21:00.000-04:00Laughing!Laughing!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03665385782194826703noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-74562041927107079572007-04-24T14:40:00.000-04:002007-04-24T14:40:00.000-04:00Very funny. Great dialogue and ends with a great p...Very funny. Great dialogue and ends with a great punchline!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08533913253403252799noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-11483073517561240802007-04-24T12:54:00.000-04:002007-04-24T12:54:00.000-04:00This is hilarious. It's sharp, fresh, and very en...This is hilarious. It's sharp, fresh, and very entertaining in such a short format. Excellent.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-5802874259564252362007-04-24T11:51:00.000-04:002007-04-24T11:51:00.000-04:00Very humorous. I didn't get the end -- or did I? ...Very humorous. I didn't get the end -- or did I? Does the hired help have bad sex with the wife?Bethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17335415338155220244noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-67219244658759163452007-04-24T11:14:00.000-04:002007-04-24T11:14:00.000-04:00You funny guy. Me likie.A golden nugget of humor....You funny guy. Me likie.<BR/>A golden nugget of humor.Jonihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18109855683749612076noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-29353464681587817932007-04-24T11:01:00.000-04:002007-04-24T11:01:00.000-04:00Funny BD. Last time your entry was much darker, fi...Funny BD. Last time your entry was much darker, figures that with a darker picture you'd go lighter side :) shows range.Wavemancalihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13271232599101899281noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-32814299192857616282007-04-24T10:44:00.000-04:002007-04-24T10:44:00.000-04:00Clever! Made me laugh in the end.Clever! Made me laugh in the end.Samhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05943062466398436785noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-81637977331204723362007-04-24T10:22:00.000-04:002007-04-24T10:22:00.000-04:00I really liked the movement and the dialog. Very ...I really liked the movement and the dialog. Very funny, BD.Scotthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13323167263283798566noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-49849722101448229432007-04-24T09:23:00.000-04:002007-04-24T09:23:00.000-04:00BD, this is funny. I love the clever humor.BD, this is funny. I love the clever humor.Jaye Wellshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09407478042834459126noreply@blogger.com