tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post6499920682200067837..comments2023-09-22T07:03:03.280-04:00Comments on The Clarity of Night: Entry #11Jason Evanshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14851992219298316168noreply@blogger.comBlogger20125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-30915949683170948302007-11-21T10:27:00.000-05:002007-11-21T10:27:00.000-05:00You have a real storytelling soul. A sparkle that...You have a real storytelling soul. A sparkle that's easy to take for granted, but so hard to achieve. I wanted it to be longer, because I quickly grew accustomed to this slice of someone's world.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-81233225634204927162007-11-19T17:45:00.000-05:002007-11-19T17:45:00.000-05:00Sarah, thanks for your generous feedback. I also ...Sarah, thanks for your generous feedback. I also very much enjoyed your submission both this contest and during "Halo." You're a great writer.Dottie Camptownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00891885810903269126noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-5695084847261997132007-11-19T00:30:00.000-05:002007-11-19T00:30:00.000-05:00WOW! Simply WOW! Given what you have give us with ...WOW! Simply WOW! Given what you have give us with 250 words, I would love to read more of your work. You are an amazing writer.Ello - Ellen Ohhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18311917335471167591noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-65716940672933989682007-11-18T01:14:00.000-05:002007-11-18T01:14:00.000-05:00bravobravoAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-12043921531347296122007-11-16T04:09:00.000-05:002007-11-16T04:09:00.000-05:00Got it immediately, loved it.The henna seemed to f...Got it immediately, loved it.<BR/>The henna seemed to fit with the leaves...<BR/><BR/><I>...dully absorbing that autumn is Nature’s last ejaculate, before the rigor mortis of winter, and spring’s rebirth.</I><BR/><BR/>Verra nice.rainehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04258822737734173873noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-34975191524169480452007-11-15T21:17:00.000-05:002007-11-15T21:17:00.000-05:00I like the stream of consciousness in this story. ...I like the stream of consciousness in this story. It's a one-sided encounter with this boy's mind - it should be a little confusing. It's a perfect fit for me.Missyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16638784910676212171noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-49302540718654399592007-11-15T14:12:00.000-05:002007-11-15T14:12:00.000-05:00Thanks, all. I really appreciate everyone's kind w...Thanks, all. I really appreciate everyone's kind words.<BR/><BR/>I don't know how I'm going to pick just five to vote for...Sarah Hinahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13888406261817690010noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-37683073437062673682007-11-15T02:51:00.000-05:002007-11-15T02:51:00.000-05:00hi sara:It took me Three readings to get that "som...hi sara:<BR/><BR/>It took me Three readings to get that "something (white)" ...<BR/>I enjoyed the guessing' what is it?chong y lhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10365847893009738913noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-46306910872265559132007-11-14T22:22:00.000-05:002007-11-14T22:22:00.000-05:00I love this.I like that you trust your reader to c...I love this.<BR/><BR/>I like that you trust your reader to come to the conclusion that someone was hit by a car. I very much enjoyed your descriptions ("the leaves were cheap confetti" is brilliant!), and I like the feel of the piece. You capture your character's gruff voice well.<BR/><BR/>Great job!Thérèsehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05925229457609377645noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-38606226459858064262007-11-14T11:41:00.000-05:002007-11-14T11:41:00.000-05:00You have a gift for description. Excellent work.You have a gift for description. Excellent work.Hoodiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17616427797201977083noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-82746449092525844582007-11-13T16:42:00.000-05:002007-11-13T16:42:00.000-05:00Stunning imagery, and it feeds right into your des...Stunning imagery, and it feeds right into your desolate story line.<BR/><BR/>I particularly liked the leaves as "cheap confetti" and her "weak carnation quivering on the seat."<BR/><BR/>And I did understand what happened :)<BR/><BR/>Well done!Beccahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14623887166087444590noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-38213080692747198292007-11-11T09:03:00.000-05:002007-11-11T09:03:00.000-05:00Nice imagery!!! Especially the restraint employed ...Nice imagery!!! Especially the restraint employed is commendable... The metaphors of the hennaed hands and cheap confetti take the cake... You could have revised it and made it clearer, but then it would have lost the 'incompleteness' which makes it so special...Abhinavhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15760314837510920601noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-57580682549845707542007-11-10T19:03:00.000-05:002007-11-10T19:03:00.000-05:00Our story is so alike and so different, it's frigh...Our story is so alike and so different, it's frightening. I can't believe two people came up with the same premise, yet it is so utterly different. I'm a bit dumbfounded by that. I didn't read any before I wrote my own. You'll have to check it out.<BR/><BR/>Loved a lot of your descriptions.Bethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17335415338155220244noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-38959983896257363342007-11-09T19:24:00.000-05:002007-11-09T19:24:00.000-05:00Nicely written, but I really didn't understand it....Nicely written, but I really didn't understand it.The Anti-Wifehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02027321787352577548noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-85481359571825520142007-11-09T13:48:00.000-05:002007-11-09T13:48:00.000-05:00I loved the last two lines.I also had to reread it...I loved the last two lines.<BR/><BR/>I also had to reread it, and once I got it, really enjoyed it.<BR/><BR/>Nicely written!!Chris Eldinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11794946908789120139noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-86419043534702106022007-11-09T09:48:00.000-05:002007-11-09T09:48:00.000-05:00Thanks, everyone. I hoped it wasn't too ambiguous....Thanks, everyone. I hoped it wasn't too ambiguous. Basically, the character mistook the leaves for an animal (which I have done), and ended up hitting someone with his car. <BR/><BR/>Thanks for the compliments. I'm enjoying everyone's contributions here.Sarah Hinahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13888406261817690010noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-38785742994678629022007-11-09T07:59:00.000-05:002007-11-09T07:59:00.000-05:00A brilliant piece - as expected.A brilliant piece - as expected.Bernitahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05264585685253812090noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-46605147854508830802007-11-09T03:43:00.000-05:002007-11-09T03:43:00.000-05:00Vrey expressive visuals here. I don't think I got ...Vrey expressive visuals here. I don't think I got the story, but liked it anyway.SzélsőFahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11600289147447182465noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-35618967120295020852007-11-09T01:04:00.000-05:002007-11-09T01:04:00.000-05:00What incredible description, "the leaves were chea...What incredible description, "the leaves were cheap confetti", and "autumn in nature's last ejaculate. . ". Good story; enough mystery to let the imagination play.Angelahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12153878171712341666noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-21087513481960412302007-11-08T23:04:00.000-05:002007-11-08T23:04:00.000-05:00At first, the ambiguity left me confused, but afte...At first, the ambiguity left me confused, but after another reading I was hooked. You have a power with imagery and a great voice. Nice job.Jaye Wellshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09407478042834459126noreply@blogger.com