tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post7558906679678889794..comments2023-09-22T07:03:03.280-04:00Comments on The Clarity of Night: Entry #206Jason Evanshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14851992219298316168noreply@blogger.comBlogger24125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-8256623143445305502010-01-21T02:55:24.115-05:002010-01-21T02:55:24.115-05:00"I wondered if one last psychosis had laid it...<i>"I wondered if one last psychosis had laid its fetid egg within my brain."</i><br /><br />I think they come in threes, like deaths. Or helpings of onion rings. ;o)Dr. Zaiushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16153875976834518896noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-6583053191915198292010-01-19T16:15:20.738-05:002010-01-19T16:15:20.738-05:00A very rich, descriptive piece.A very rich, descriptive piece.Rachel Greenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13048590167153841615noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-76097365629423979932010-01-19T15:00:16.106-05:002010-01-19T15:00:16.106-05:00PS sorry for all the typos, I am word weary...so w...PS sorry for all the typos, I am word weary...so word weary...:-)catvibehttp://www.catvibe.net/blognoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-39062957650140608842010-01-19T14:58:40.732-05:002010-01-19T14:58:40.732-05:00I think this piece would have move much better if ...I think this piece would have move much better if you essentially stripped all the adjectives from it and just let the story/experience of hold the weight. The adjectives take up mental space that makes it really hard to follow the story along. And speaking of the story, I don't understand it. I like the analogies to music, and the romance of that, but I don't understand... all in all, I would prefer action to description, verbs to adjectives.catvibehttp://www.catvibe.net/blognoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-71129633357822195282010-01-18T21:49:10.090-05:002010-01-18T21:49:10.090-05:00I think I just witnessed Shakespeare falling in lo...I think I just witnessed Shakespeare falling in love.Linda Ryan-Harperhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15164148666810818891noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-18362724654551745942010-01-18T02:11:25.626-05:002010-01-18T02:11:25.626-05:00Maybe it's just that I've been through 205...Maybe it's just that I've been through 205 stories in the past few days, but I just don't get this. I really liked the first line up until the first comma, but then I just got lost. Is he digging up a body at the end? You lost me. Sorry.PJDhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05028687955957107957noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-47603818195504581602010-01-17T16:11:20.731-05:002010-01-17T16:11:20.731-05:00There some fantastic images in this piece.There some fantastic images in this piece.Craighttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04344917148662934359noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-90478337008376819302010-01-17T13:47:21.883-05:002010-01-17T13:47:21.883-05:00I'm really not sure but I think what we're...I'm really not sure but I think what we're witnessing is the germination of a story. <br /><br />I feel trapped under the soil waiting for the moment of growth. The imagery has me transfixed even though I remain unsure of what I was transfixed on.<br /><br />Magical.JaneyVhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04951739945670483199noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-76499918777482889082010-01-16T17:59:28.315-05:002010-01-16T17:59:28.315-05:00Wow. Has anybody got a dictionary?
You've cer...Wow. Has anybody got a dictionary?<br /><br />You've certainly got a grip on the english language and are wielding it with aplomb.<br /><br />Great imagery.Sarah Laurensonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09252565450452195395noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-81167948740429009312010-01-16T09:35:26.867-05:002010-01-16T09:35:26.867-05:00Aw, you're sweet.
Try as you might to hide ...Aw, you're sweet. <br /><br />Try as you might to hide it behind those big, quirky, beautifully juxtaposed words, this one is touching.Freida Beehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11489663202315694313noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-24516750090888023262010-01-16T08:46:57.843-05:002010-01-16T08:46:57.843-05:00im amazed at the richness of the text in this piec...im amazed at the richness of the text in this piece. it is actually rich. each and every word is like a carefully selected gem. i felt like i had opened a treasure chest and POW...bedazzled...<br /><br />the first time i read this i only absorbed the words. in fact i read the words in the very first line and i was lost.<br /><br />the second time i read the words deliberately. to savour the moment.<br /><br />and the third time i finally homed in on the plot.<br /><br />Beautiful. Truly.Preetihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00279859240371070699noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-77779089254228792262010-01-16T08:41:34.616-05:002010-01-16T08:41:34.616-05:00Sometimes you need to hit the reader over the head...Sometimes you need to hit the reader over the head. What in tar-nations is he pondering? Death? Recovery? Rebirth? The writing is fine, but the story is lost on me.James R. Tomlinsonnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-19037186791635224832010-01-15T23:40:25.573-05:002010-01-15T23:40:25.573-05:00Caveat
Something I Would Keep
The first line. Car...<br><br><a href="http://www.insearchofgiants.com/2010/01/commenting-on-silhouette.html" rel="nofollow">Caveat</a><br><br /><b>Something I Would Keep</b><br><br />The first line. Carefully worded, an effective hook.<br /><br /><b>Something I Might Tweak</b><br><br />I'd alternate line lengths, a bit, rather than having long ponderous sentence after long ponderous sentence.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-58630787664142041922010-01-15T11:07:57.526-05:002010-01-15T11:07:57.526-05:00Thanks for the kind words, everyone.Thanks for the kind words, everyone.Randal Graveshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08728992897551848531noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-82284172124005504932010-01-15T08:07:04.106-05:002010-01-15T08:07:04.106-05:00Great piece Randal. Nice to see you back on form....Great piece Randal. Nice to see you back on form.David Barberhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05006533626998905560noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-89763757791417662092010-01-15T04:55:15.040-05:002010-01-15T04:55:15.040-05:00I fell in love with the first two lines. And it wa...I fell in love with the first two lines. And it was all great there onwards. Great work.Aniket Thakkarhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18311954967682696734noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-19296294723069375182010-01-14T17:00:19.141-05:002010-01-14T17:00:19.141-05:00Anyone who can muster mysterious literariness out ...Anyone who can muster mysterious literariness out of contrapuntal darkness is OK in my book.<br /><br />Another really good read, Randal.S.W. Andersonhttp://wpblog.ohpinion.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-64454159926805939312010-01-14T15:09:30.626-05:002010-01-14T15:09:30.626-05:00I agree with Bernita, the only thing you missed wa...I agree with Bernita, the only thing you missed was saying something about the lousy food and the damn nurses prodding the patient out of sleep every three hours for vitals.<br /><br />Great piece, felt like I was back at work.Commander Zaiushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11000824454124236774noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-52323813397873399242010-01-14T12:08:08.236-05:002010-01-14T12:08:08.236-05:00ponderful piece...ponderful piece...laughingwolfhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08873675614347328116noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-42224576531260571582010-01-14T11:17:22.788-05:002010-01-14T11:17:22.788-05:00I'm glad you remembered the fetid egg.
Regard...I'm glad you remembered the fetid egg.<br /><br />Regards,<br /><br />TengrainTengrainhttp://mockpaperscissors.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-37152576697101375492010-01-14T10:53:14.634-05:002010-01-14T10:53:14.634-05:00Well Randal I see you made it here afterall.
Ha...Well Randal I see you made it here afterall. <br /><br />Haunting and very well written as usual.MRMacrumhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01414173517957120477noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-56561861680851734532010-01-14T10:17:37.894-05:002010-01-14T10:17:37.894-05:00There's no darker time than those few hours be...There's no darker time than those few hours before the dawn.susanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16747450215034568033noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-66239936800106659402010-01-13T22:29:02.750-05:002010-01-13T22:29:02.750-05:00I thought the beginning effectively and effusively...I thought the beginning effectively and effusively described sounds absorbed by a patient in a hospital room - then I began to wonder who let him out.Bernitahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05264585685253812090noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-38789711971461513192010-01-13T20:34:18.240-05:002010-01-13T20:34:18.240-05:00Hibernation, sleeping seeds, I know not what but w...Hibernation, sleeping seeds, I know not what but whatever it is expresses itself well!<br /><br />Interesting.Laurelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06120847492230531939noreply@blogger.com