Sober Moons
by Alcoholic Poet
She looked and saw the sky scarred with clouds. She was leaving home in an effort to find it. Wheels couldn't take her there. Only footsteps could negotiate the path she had in her head. Of leaving without being gone. Touch without skin. Truth without exception.
She didn't want to die. Not then. But she did want to die. Some time soon. Under a sky as dark and as bright as this one.
As broken.
Or at least pretending to be.
Until the next storm.
She thought as she examined every crack in the clouds, someday my secret will be told, by the the thickest branch on the nearest tree.
Someday I will make myself small enough to spill through those holes that are always there in the sky when I look up.
She opened up her cellphone. The backlight reminded her of sex. The low murmur of that electricity usually dormant thoughtlessly coming alive from beneath her skin.
For her to see what buttons to press.
The ocean was loud at the back of her neck. Her yellow bike breathed quietly against the saline wind. People passed. So many people. And she noticed how they didn't notice her. Imagining herself sinking into the wall she sat upon; becoming as red as it.
Concrete.
Something soft left alone long enough to become hard.
She tapped in each number one at a time rather than using the memory function. Imagining she was karmicly whispering in his ear.
Pick up.
Wow, this speaks with so much energy. The flow is beautiful. Great job, Poet.
ReplyDeleteInteresting character study. I like the beginning..leaving home in an effort to find it. Deep thoughts throughout. Enjoyed it!
ReplyDelete"Something soft left alone long enough to become hard."
ReplyDeleteGood image of pain and abandonment.
yep, this is going to be tough!
ReplyDeleteloved this, poet. fantastic.
so many wonderful lines.
" Her yellow bike breathed quietly against the saline wind. People passed. So many people. And she noticed how they didn't notice her. Imagining herself sinking into the wall she sat upon; becoming as red as it."
i also really liked the line nicholas pointed out.
good stuff!
wow.
Nice flow and expression. If especially like:
ReplyDelete"Only footsteps could negotiate the path she had in her head. Of leaving without being gone."
I can tell you're a poet, poet.
ReplyDeleteThis is wonderfully lyrical.
melancholy.
Enjoyed lots!!
Very poignant and your sentences are music.
ReplyDeletethanx everyone. thanx very much.
ReplyDeletei know i'm not a story teller really. but i enjoyed reading the entires from previous contests so much that i wanted to be spend a little time in this wonderful little community of yours.
There is now and there is then. I really liked this.
ReplyDeleteI have to agree that this is a "wonderful little community."
Everyone seems to enjoy the comments as much as the stories.
Alcoholic Poet, you are a poet, and I think you know it. Drunk on words, smashed on sights, sounds, and feelings. Wonderful story.
ReplyDeleteI loved the poetry of this.
ReplyDeleteThe protagonist's pain is bursting out with each word in this piece. It's powerful, vivid, sad. Excellently written, poet. :)
ReplyDeleteShe tapped in each number one at a time rather than using the memory function. Imagining she was karmicly whispering in his ear.
ReplyDeleteWonderful and true. I've done this very thing and you've captured that moment perfectly.
Sober Moons by Alcoholic Poet. That alone should win a prize.
ReplyDelete"the sky scarred with clouds"- the opening line doesn't get any better than this. great writing.
incredible imagery!
ReplyDeleteIt's rich.
ReplyDeleteYou captured the paradox.
fluid, lyrical, lovely
ReplyDeleteCongratulations on your well-deserved win!
ReplyDeleteThis is very, very impressive. What wonderful observations and metaphors. Truly outstanding! I also appreciated the complexity of the character. High marks overall.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations on the Honorable Mention!