tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post1060568030228099096..comments2023-09-22T07:03:03.280-04:00Comments on The Clarity of Night: TrajectoryJason Evanshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14851992219298316168noreply@blogger.comBlogger63125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-66998853131931268942010-01-20T07:06:42.922-05:002010-01-20T07:06:42.922-05:00It feels so far away... Nice one Jason.It feels so far away... Nice one Jason.AngelConradiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09423318903817661244noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-46279430384535111232010-01-18T23:22:18.595-05:002010-01-18T23:22:18.595-05:00Craig, judicious spriklings of details...like seas...Craig, judicious spriklings of details...like seasoning the soup.<br /><br />Desiderata, that's great!! Then this has all been more than worth it. :)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-12222841411593648832010-01-18T21:02:35.543-05:002010-01-18T21:02:35.543-05:00A fittting master class in writing shorts for me; ...A fittting master class in writing shorts for me; I learnt in past two weeks more than I learnt in my 4years+ of blog writHing!:) Cheers, YL, Desichong y lhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10365847893009738913noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-55896956639198742992010-01-18T19:50:49.402-05:002010-01-18T19:50:49.402-05:00Great little details in the firt half really bring...Great little details in the firt half really bring this one to life.Craighttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04344917148662934359noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-87335741677864030322010-01-17T23:43:09.334-05:002010-01-17T23:43:09.334-05:00Tessa, thank you for telling me so. :)
Szelsofa,...Tessa, thank you for telling me so. :)<br /><br />Szelsofa, the size of the world is merciless.<br /><br />Kurt, yes! I liked the image of those fingers reaching down.<br /><br />Aerin, Tony is relaxing in the reflecting pool. He won't be hurting anyone anymore.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-65404671429222523562010-01-17T21:38:45.595-05:002010-01-17T21:38:45.595-05:00"tweak" I said! "tweak"! Jus..."tweak" I said! "tweak"! Just suggestions! Egads! Don't maim me, Mr. Pacino!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-41436841992089489672010-01-17T20:14:10.706-05:002010-01-17T20:14:10.706-05:00Love the image you create of two skeletal hands cl...Love the image you create of two skeletal hands closing their grasp over the Earth. I can see it vividly in my head.Kurt Hendrickshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16183333362118745153noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-60372864794877187172010-01-17T15:44:49.926-05:002010-01-17T15:44:49.926-05:00i thought i left a comment here, but i don't s...i thought i left a comment here, but i don't seem to find it.<br />i commented about how triumphant life is - and how beautiful and cruel this sensation is in your writing. great job.SzélsőFahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11600289147447182465noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-44637085678246017872010-01-17T13:26:28.703-05:002010-01-17T13:26:28.703-05:00Yes, yes, yes! It does feel huge....and there is ...Yes, yes, yes! It does feel huge....and there is a powerful majesty to it which is utterly compelling. The imagery too, is magnificent and the feeling of aching loneliness is almost tangible. A memorable and commanding piece of prose-poetry. I’m stunned.Tessahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05233122532137654099noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-39849988091418816512010-01-17T12:10:19.331-05:002010-01-17T12:10:19.331-05:00Aerin, no alliteration...got it.
Tara, thank you....Aerin, no alliteration...got it.<br /><br />Tara, thank you. :)<br /><br />Spacedlaw, I think that once any writing leaves our hands, it becomes the property of each reader. Whatever it evoked in you is what it was.<br /><br />Kaye, yes, I did want to portray that sense of continuity, that <i>disconnect</i>. This motif was an extreme way to do that. As for the community here, it's so gratifying to watch it grow. :)<br /><br />Sarah, that's a great observation. When you peel away all the technology that we wrap around ourselves, this is still the basic truth. We still live a basic life, just through many proxies. If we take those away, we are these two people.<br /><br />Quin Browne, missteps are a natural part of writing. That's why it's so important to have a skilled person critique what we write. Aine points out most of my missteps before they get posted. :)<br /><br />Karen, thank you for the feedback on the imagery. I find it a hard line to walk...potent vs. overdone. And hosting this contest is my pleasure. :)<br /><br />Terri, yes! The pace here was probably the biggest challenge. Not much happens, but I wanted it to <i>feel</i> huge and have time passing. Pacing had to be just so in order to achieve that. Thanks!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-9191898512194738652010-01-17T05:39:04.711-05:002010-01-17T05:39:04.711-05:00Your imagery is, as always, superb. I think what I...Your imagery is, as always, superb. I think what I like best is the pace, though; It all rolls together, starting with the distraction of vapour trails far away. Then they get distracted by their own fight in the sea while far away the world becomes obliterated. The words and pacing seems to rise like a wave here; Then the whale gets away and the damage, far away has been done... and the pacing slows, like the wave has passed. If it were music it would be a symphony.<br />Nicely composed :)Terrihttp://misterri.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-14961556724280650632010-01-16T21:38:14.444-05:002010-01-16T21:38:14.444-05:00The imagery here is incredibly well done, and the ...The imagery here is incredibly well done, and the tone of quiet acceptance of circumstance is compelling. The ending line, in some ways, is hopeful, I think. This life, at least, goes on.<br /><br />Thank you for all of the time and effort you've put into this very interesting and enjoyable contest!Karenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12003379181294550035noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-75447920733610892832010-01-16T14:47:58.831-05:002010-01-16T14:47:58.831-05:00i've yet to see you misstep in telling a story...i've yet to see you misstep in telling a story.quin brownehttp://www.quinbrowne-words.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-77049686764873846692010-01-16T10:57:51.050-05:002010-01-16T10:57:51.050-05:00I got these guys as being just like the animals ra...I got these guys as being just like the animals rather than contrasting. No matter what's happening in the rest of the world, their world is only this moment, this place, surviving to live, eat, hunt another day. They live to exist, not to think about what's happening far away from them.<br /><br />Well done, Jason. And I was talking about a book that deals with nuclear holocaust on my blog - just now. So I was already there with you when I read this piece.Sarah Laurensonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09252565450452195395noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-30914284981695206822010-01-16T09:51:51.754-05:002010-01-16T09:51:51.754-05:00Above, the eagle wheeled to fish another day.
.....Above, the eagle wheeled to fish another day. <br /><br />...and so it continues from day to day in his world - no matter what else is happening on land or water.<br />Wonderful perspective!<br /><br />Jason, it has been a pleasure to read your story and many of the entries posted. Congratulations on such a fine contest! You are, indeed, a conduit for the writing masses!!K.Lawson Gilberthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11204234196229710524noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-15641051904319314602010-01-16T00:41:57.498-05:002010-01-16T00:41:57.498-05:00A fairly nostalgic piece, this (or maybe just the ...A fairly nostalgic piece, this (or maybe just the way I read it).<br />Thanks for sharing.spacedlawhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12462723005560128474noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-56608384288716427202010-01-15T22:23:23.067-05:002010-01-15T22:23:23.067-05:00You have such flow and beauty in your writing. Gre...You have such flow and beauty in your writing. Great piece!Tarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09008153523366719973noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-88166048341210388212010-01-15T21:48:11.749-05:002010-01-15T21:48:11.749-05:00Caveat (yeah, you get the same treatment as everyo...<a href="http://www.insearchofgiants.com/2010/01/commenting-on-silhouette.html" rel="nofollow">Caveat</a> (yeah, you get the same treatment as everyone else!)<br><br /><br /><b>Something I Would Keep</b><br><br />the phrase "curtain to night" and the repetition of the sixth (and following) lines<br /><br /><b>Something I Might Tweak</b><br><br />the alliteration of "stout shoulders...strange scratches"Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-84788179381597162402010-01-15T18:44:55.018-05:002010-01-15T18:44:55.018-05:00Corra, a world falling asleep. Yes, I think that ...Corra, a world falling asleep. Yes, I think that fits. While part of it never rests. Like the waves still stirring the sea.<br /><br />McKoala, I made myself smile with the marshmallow claws thing. Talk about sweet and sour.... Thanks. :)<br /><br />Chris, oh, you say things pretty spectacularly yourself. :) Thanks for letting me know.<br /><br />Austere, they made us read <i>On the Beach</i> in 10th grade. I did think of it again when I wrote this. Would the radiation slowly reach them? I don't know.<br /><br />J.M., are you kidding? I love that you have come back to it and delved deeper. I have to admit, I'm one who desparately wants to capture the experience of life, and life isn't neat and packaged. I want all of those questions and thoughts to spill in between the lines.<br /><br />PixieDust, just saying so is a wonderful gesture. Thanks, my friend. There are many entries deserving of your votes. It's more than enough for me just to have my story be read.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-43316433349228231542010-01-15T13:19:32.207-05:002010-01-15T13:19:32.207-05:00Such vivid imagery! Ok, you are definitely in my ...Such vivid imagery! Ok, you are definitely in my top 5! (we can vote for you, yes?)<br /><br />My favorite line:<br />"but would not curtain to night"<br /><br />:-)<br /><br />love,<br />mePixieDusthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14255641743057365106noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-20578866881860122402010-01-15T11:54:09.537-05:002010-01-15T11:54:09.537-05:00By the way, I'm very intrigued by how open you...By the way, I'm very intrigued by how open your piece is to interpretation. It's kinda kafkaesque. It reminds me of how there are 5 different schools of interpretation for Kafka's book The Trial. all considered valid because of the elastic quality of the text. you can line up all the symbols to neatly fit each interpretation. fascinating. <br /><br />so when I read your piece the eagle was so striking, I immediately had this image of news footage of the Iraq war, missiles flying and the burning oil refinaries. your line - the eagle watching for fish that wasn't there - The US searching for oil? ok, so I might be completely out there in left field but your piece is certainly thought provoking. it brings you back to read again, that old literary quest, the search for hidden meaning. and what a great perspective from the Artic, so distant, so removed from war. but also makes you think of what's happening with global warming. no fish because of pollution? I love the many layers presented here. very cool.<br />I think I just revealed myself as a total literary nerd.J. M. Poirothttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17047291112115641863noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-48122003042462969042010-01-15T06:42:43.688-05:002010-01-15T06:42:43.688-05:00Excellent.
Aurora borealis and a tinge of Nevile S...Excellent.<br />Aurora borealis and a tinge of Nevile Shute without the distraught.austerehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16839224877080864005noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-28809525895339763302010-01-15T05:49:05.644-05:002010-01-15T05:49:05.644-05:00Bernita picked out my favorite line as well. And ...Bernita picked out my favorite line as well. And Laurel captured what I would've said (only she said it better)... I also love the way you draw the contrast between man and nature. Softly horrific.<br />Very very well written.Chris Eldinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16732006129353079344noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-12967900050348385842010-01-15T04:42:56.949-05:002010-01-15T04:42:56.949-05:00What a calm way to end the world; not with a bang,...What a calm way to end the world; not with a bang, but a quiet puff. I love the description of the boatmen and their salt withered skin.McKoalahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01457446171624585099noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-24144836344263954742010-01-15T03:20:54.694-05:002010-01-15T03:20:54.694-05:00Beautiful descriptive writing.
I like -
*curtai...Beautiful descriptive writing. <br /><br />I like -<br /><br />*curtain to night*<br /><br />*both ends of the sky glowed like great hands grasping, continent to continent, over the pole*<br /><br />Also, the sensation that the world is simply falling asleep.<br /><br />Lovely that you pair the scene with two boatmen; it adds a sense of calm to the piece.<br /><br />Nice job.<br /><br />~ CorraAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com