tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post115638396727310111..comments2023-09-22T07:03:03.280-04:00Comments on The Clarity of Night: Entry #14Jason Evanshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14851992219298316168noreply@blogger.comBlogger30125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-1157593145493163542006-09-06T21:39:00.000-04:002006-09-06T21:39:00.000-04:00I liked the baptism reference at the end. The ima...I liked the baptism reference at the end. The image of him floating away was strong.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-1157064667100891922006-08-31T18:51:00.000-04:002006-08-31T18:51:00.000-04:00Joni, I don't think I can add a single word to wha...Joni, I don't think I can add a single word to what everyone else has said, except to say it was a piece of writing that made me know those children and care about them and smile at their innocent hopefulness.<BR/><BR/>Remarkable.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-1157044999364866702006-08-31T13:23:00.000-04:002006-08-31T13:23:00.000-04:00Joni, an intriguing story w/excellent description!...Joni, an intriguing story w/excellent description!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-1157037602820372362006-08-31T11:20:00.000-04:002006-08-31T11:20:00.000-04:00Thank you again to everyone for coming and comment...Thank you again to everyone for coming and commenting. I appreciate those of you who have commented on the dialogue. It was the most challenging part of the piece. <BR/><BR/>Fran - I read every entry and tried to comment on every one. I love getting comments, so I figured I'd do my part.Jonihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18109855683749612076noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-1157010472649971862006-08-31T03:47:00.000-04:002006-08-31T03:47:00.000-04:00forgot to say as well, AWESOME job with the dialou...forgot to say as well, AWESOME job with the dialouge thanks for the great story.<BR/><BR/>BDbriliantdonkeyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05159881776835603748noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-1157010116368744322006-08-31T03:41:00.000-04:002006-08-31T03:41:00.000-04:00wow, disturbing and beautiful as well(if you allow...wow, disturbing and beautiful as well(if you allow for the misguidedness of the kids)<BR/><BR/>very nice job!<BR/><BR/>BDbriliantdonkeyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05159881776835603748noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-1157002736300674162006-08-31T01:38:00.000-04:002006-08-31T01:38:00.000-04:00Great story, great voice!I agree with Kingfisher o...Great story, great voice!<BR/><BR/>I agree with Kingfisher on the apostrophes, but I know (and have also read) that dialect is one of the hardest things to do in dialog, and I think you did it far better than I could have managed it.<BR/><BR/>I also think there should be a special award for people like you who not only read all the stories, but also commented on most or all of them. Thanks on behalf of all of us!Fran Piperhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08177027484914337117noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-1156969760357301172006-08-30T16:29:00.000-04:002006-08-30T16:29:00.000-04:00I loved the dialogue. realistic. Brought lightness...I loved the dialogue. realistic. Brought lightness to a heavy, depressing taleSaalehahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12607453476839291138noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-1156781491240758292006-08-28T12:11:00.000-04:002006-08-28T12:11:00.000-04:00Joni, what great images and characterization! I r...Joni, what great images and characterization! I really enjoyed this!Kelly (Lynn) Parrahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04827605655761900263noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-1156760525553391122006-08-28T06:22:00.000-04:002006-08-28T06:22:00.000-04:00I have never heard a corpse compared to unbaked br...I have never heard a corpse compared to unbaked bread. It's a great description!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-1156742228747210172006-08-28T01:17:00.000-04:002006-08-28T01:17:00.000-04:00Again, thanks to all for the kinds words. They me...Again, thanks to all for the kinds words. They mean so much. I am so impressed with all of your pieces!!<BR/><BR/>Kingfisher - Thanks for the advice. I struggled with that very thing, not sure how to go about it. At one point I took most of the apostrophes out and thought a lot of it looked like a foreign language. It seemed harder to wade through in some places. It kinda seemed sixes to me as far as understandability. I appreciate your opinion.Jonihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18109855683749612076noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-1156705830368625802006-08-27T15:10:00.000-04:002006-08-27T15:10:00.000-04:00Good reading. "His head bobbed like an apple." I ...Good reading. "His head bobbed like an apple." I like the descriptive.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-1156705316979758432006-08-27T15:01:00.000-04:002006-08-27T15:01:00.000-04:00Spectacular. I think you've got 1st place here.One...Spectacular. I think you've got 1st place here.<BR/><BR/>One helpful criticism: Lose some apostrophes, and spell the words as he would say them. Otherwise, spot on with the dialect.<BR/><BR/>Happy to lose to you!<BR/><BR/>R. W. RandallKingfisherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13207427729752082984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-1156648551804753372006-08-26T23:15:00.000-04:002006-08-26T23:15:00.000-04:00I'll bet in worked out in the end for Pa anyway, i...I'll bet in worked out in the end for Pa anyway, if that's any consolation to the kids.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-1156639219282832882006-08-26T20:40:00.000-04:002006-08-26T20:40:00.000-04:00Exceptional writing and excellent characterization...Exceptional writing and excellent characterization! I could see the scene vividly.Ms. Dorkhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18142940962223526141noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-1156609808281248602006-08-26T12:30:00.000-04:002006-08-26T12:30:00.000-04:00Heartrending story, told in an arresting voice and...Heartrending story, told in an arresting voice and an endearing POV. Really enjoyed reading this.Bhaswatihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15397144389576029618noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-1156595430695390022006-08-26T08:30:00.000-04:002006-08-26T08:30:00.000-04:00Terrific voice. The characters leap off the screen...Terrific voice. The characters leap off the screen. Original descriptions too! wonderful job!Lisa Jordanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16334253815212707025noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-1156489144308528932006-08-25T02:59:00.000-04:002006-08-25T02:59:00.000-04:00Aww shucks.Thank you all so much for your positive...Aww shucks.<BR/>Thank you all so much for your positive responses. These comments alone have been enough to make my entering the contest more than worth it. I've not shared a lot my writing, so this gives me a boost. Thanks.Jonihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18109855683749612076noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-1156459095751446142006-08-24T18:38:00.000-04:002006-08-24T18:38:00.000-04:00Joni, I know this sounds trite...but I just have t...Joni, I know this sounds trite...but I just have to say that this was just beautiful in every sense. It is sweetly peculiar in its storyline and that is why I love it. Thank you for this story.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-1156441119898868542006-08-24T13:38:00.000-04:002006-08-24T13:38:00.000-04:00Way too good! believable which is the main thing ...Way too good! believable which is the main thing - the characters acted and spoke correctly.<BR/>I loved the dialogue!<BR/>great read.annahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07274795863426882004noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-1156435353824406442006-08-24T12:02:00.000-04:002006-08-24T12:02:00.000-04:00I grew up with kids like this myself. Good, belie...I grew up with kids like this myself. Good, believable and realistic dialog. Has a touch of Huck Finn to it.Scotthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13323167263283798566noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-1156425746921392852006-08-24T09:22:00.000-04:002006-08-24T09:22:00.000-04:00I was touched by the naivete of these kids.I was touched by the naivete of these kids.Floodhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14341265651121116197noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-1156425149034945282006-08-24T09:12:00.000-04:002006-08-24T09:12:00.000-04:00Thanks for the praise, everyone. I appreciate eve...Thanks for the praise, everyone. I appreciate everyone reading and responding. <BR/><BR/>Anne, I'm so thrilled by your comment.<BR/><BR/>Jaye, thank you, my new friend.<BR/><BR/>Bernita, he missed his chance because he floated away and they couldn't catch him. <BR/><BR/>Jim, This character wasn't difficult to write because I know lot of people like this, too. LOLJonihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18109855683749612076noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-1156418438594548252006-08-24T07:20:00.000-04:002006-08-24T07:20:00.000-04:00Hah, the mentality of the MC actually reminds me o...Hah, the mentality of the MC actually reminds me of some people I grew up with (sadly). Really enjoyed this one with its naively innocent MC.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-1156417917130232092006-08-24T07:11:00.000-04:002006-08-24T07:11:00.000-04:00Excellent, but thought Pa was getting " 'is chance...Excellent, but thought Pa was getting " 'is chance," and that's why they were doing it.Bernitahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05264585685253812090noreply@blogger.com