tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post115669862369424140..comments2023-09-22T07:03:03.280-04:00Comments on The Clarity of Night: Entry #55Jason Evanshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14851992219298316168noreply@blogger.comBlogger20125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-1157684367964431412006-09-07T22:59:00.000-04:002006-09-07T22:59:00.000-04:00That was powerfully crafted. I'm literally in sho...That was powerfully crafted. I'm literally in shock. I can't think of anything like it. The confusion was palpable. A perfect example of show, don't tell.<BR/><BR/>Highest marks overall. Congratulations on Fourth Place!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-1157177437334919292006-09-02T02:10:00.000-04:002006-09-02T02:10:00.000-04:00Wow, brilliant story, Rebecca. It deals with the ...Wow, brilliant story, Rebecca. It deals with the loss and the waiting so effectively. Congratulations!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-1157150604222399652006-09-01T18:43:00.000-04:002006-09-01T18:43:00.000-04:00Congratulations on your well-deserved win!Congratulations on your well-deserved win!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-1157003804493345732006-08-31T01:56:00.000-04:002006-08-31T01:56:00.000-04:00One moment she's in the very detailed and present ...One moment she's in the very detailed and present now, the next, she's completely elsewhere in her mind. This rings true.<BR/><BR/>Also like the subtle way you explain her situation, without any obvious exposition. Good job!Fran Piperhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08177027484914337117noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-1156826056442391732006-08-29T00:34:00.000-04:002006-08-29T00:34:00.000-04:00Very nice, Rebecca. The sound effects work very we...Very nice, Rebecca. The sound effects work very well, as do the stray thoughts that haunt her every now and then. The prose is taut, intelligent, and impactful. Good one!Bhaswatihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15397144389576029618noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-1156819216531169292006-08-28T22:40:00.000-04:002006-08-28T22:40:00.000-04:00Thank you for your wonderful comments, all.Jaye, g...Thank you for your wonderful comments, all.<BR/><BR/>Jaye, good thought. I think I was in two places with the details. Partly, I've been at the side of the road, in the dark, and every tiny sound seemed so insanely loud. With this story, I wanted reality and desire to be in conflict.<BR/><BR/>klgilbert and Scott, the inspiration for the event came from a breakdown on Alligator Alley, in Florida. There's a fence the whole way, but there are alligators... THE WHOLE WAY. Ever since then, every highway shoulder has seemed sinister to me, and the sounds are scary. I definitely wanted to make that part of her story.<BR/><BR/>Someone said it elsewhere in the contest, but the comments truly are the best part! I'm really grateful.<BR/><BR/>bbekbekhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17935766604154823539noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-1156775613344174062006-08-28T10:33:00.000-04:002006-08-28T10:33:00.000-04:00This is great. I enjoyed reading every line, espec...This is great. I enjoyed reading every line, especially:<BR/><BR/>"high-beam clarity dropping into blackness."<BR/><BR/>Perfect.Aleah Satohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16439351306951718500noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-1156770854031793702006-08-28T09:14:00.000-04:002006-08-28T09:14:00.000-04:00the dark rustle, creak, shhhh of the swampThis put...<I>the dark rustle, creak, shhhh of the swamp</I><BR/><BR/>This put me in the moment. Such a nice line.Scotthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13323167263283798566noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-1156729138917781832006-08-27T21:38:00.000-04:002006-08-27T21:38:00.000-04:00Sadness, pain, and despair. The emotions touch th...Sadness, pain, and despair. The emotions touch the reader's heart.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-1156727076721518862006-08-27T21:04:00.000-04:002006-08-27T21:04:00.000-04:00Wonderful structure. I wonder if in her grief she ...Wonderful structure. I wonder if in her grief she is more prone to notice little things to avoid her fears.Jaye Wellshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09407478042834459126noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-1156721254897759312006-08-27T19:27:00.000-04:002006-08-27T19:27:00.000-04:00Yes, the rustle and shhhhh of the swamp was chilli...Yes, the rustle and shhhhh of the swamp was chilling. <BR/>Good writing = good read.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-1156716929116379992006-08-27T18:15:00.000-04:002006-08-27T18:15:00.000-04:00bek: well, a gal's gotta eat and i'm too old to b...bek: well, a gal's gotta eat and i'm too old to be a whore. but you're right about writing being a chore AND an adventure. sometimes it's just a chore, but it's both when things are going well. <BR/><BR/>i also loved the sounds.anne frasierhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13044828332429421657noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-1156710599386173102006-08-27T16:29:00.000-04:002006-08-27T16:29:00.000-04:00ooh, look, more comments!nicholas, THANK YOU! I kn...ooh, look, more comments!<BR/><BR/>nicholas, THANK YOU! I knew the sounds were important, with the character all alone in a little car, but I myself really liked the sound of the engine cooling. It's always been really noticeable to me. Thanks for noticing!<BR/><BR/>Linda, he really should've been there, shouldn't he? Better yet, driving. Better yet, stopping her from putting too much air in the tire in the first place... not that some of this is based on some real events or anything. *rueful grin*<BR/><BR/>bofire, would you believe I changed the number of days about a dozen times?!bekbekhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17935766604154823539noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-1156710331127513112006-08-27T16:25:00.000-04:002006-08-27T16:25:00.000-04:00Thanks. Joni, yeah, it was the waiting that I want...Thanks. Joni, yeah, it was the waiting that I wanted to convey, or maybe the not-waiting. The way barriers seem to crop up even when you finally make a decision to start moving on.<BR/><BR/>Thanks, robert. I am nervous about this one, for some reason. I think I got a little lost between the fear of the dark and the sense of loss. I wanted to use both, but it might be too much for 250 words.<BR/><BR/>Anne, thank you very much. So tell me, how come writing like this can feel a bit like a chore at the same time as a wickedly fun adventure? I don't get it. Hard but fun? You truly must be addicted to keep going the way you do.bekbekhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17935766604154823539noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-1156708673686529222006-08-27T15:57:00.000-04:002006-08-27T15:57:00.000-04:00wow, very nice, rebecca! absolutely fantastic imm...wow, very nice, rebecca! <BR/><BR/>absolutely fantastic immediacy to this story. i also loved the structure of it.<BR/><BR/>great job!anne frasierhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13044828332429421657noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-1156707889315202942006-08-27T15:44:00.000-04:002006-08-27T15:44:00.000-04:00Missing for 27 days. A lifetime. I can feel the p...Missing for 27 days. A lifetime. I can feel the pain. Enjoyable reading.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-1156707815888895092006-08-27T15:43:00.000-04:002006-08-27T15:43:00.000-04:00Moonlight on the empty seat beside me. I like this...Moonlight on the empty seat beside me. I like this.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-1156704900491045502006-08-27T14:55:00.000-04:002006-08-27T14:55:00.000-04:00I really like your sound effects...tick, ping, tic...I really like your sound effects...tick, ping, tick... Excellent.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-1156703418866545142006-08-27T14:30:00.000-04:002006-08-27T14:30:00.000-04:00nice job, Rebeccanice job, RebeccaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-1156700011770633462006-08-27T13:33:00.000-04:002006-08-27T13:33:00.000-04:00You've conveyed the infiltration of the pain of lo...You've conveyed the infiltration of the pain of losing and waiting in everyday actions so well. Nice sound effects too! Great job.Jonihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18109855683749612076noreply@blogger.com