tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post1842284736276040973..comments2023-09-22T07:03:03.280-04:00Comments on The Clarity of Night: Entry #118Jason Evanshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14851992219298316168noreply@blogger.comBlogger34125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-49125352158496579012010-01-18T20:35:22.340-05:002010-01-18T20:35:22.340-05:00my caveat
Something I Would Keep
Um, how do I word...<br><br><a href="http://www.insearchofgiants.com/2010/01/commenting-on-silhouette.html" rel="nofollow">my caveat</a><br><br /><b>Something I Would Keep</b><br><br />Um, how do I word this? There's a <i>lot</i> of imagery in this piece, but none of it feels superfluous. Every bit, every word has a purpose toward plot and characterization - there's nothing unintentional and yet there's also no sense of it taking any effort whatsoever to write. (I hope I expressed that adequately)<br /><br /><b>Something I Might Tweak</b><br><br />Third paragraph, there's a comma needed after "Even in the cold" -Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-15520162701879951802010-01-18T07:56:50.648-05:002010-01-18T07:56:50.648-05:00THe connection I see to the photo is that the MC s...THe connection I see to the photo is that the MC sees himself as carion. Love the atmosphere! Nicely written.Chris Eldinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16732006129353079344noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-66592753505817326952010-01-17T14:46:00.723-05:002010-01-17T14:46:00.723-05:00Nice and tight. Awesome piece.Nice and tight. Awesome piece.Sarah Laurensonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09252565450452195395noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-66536249506963080762010-01-17T01:00:56.658-05:002010-01-17T01:00:56.658-05:00Superb piece of writing. I'm not so sure of th...Superb piece of writing. I'm not so sure of the connection to the photograph. Maybe it's just my simpleton ways.james r. tomlinsonnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-83594147040357149042010-01-16T04:51:14.518-05:002010-01-16T04:51:14.518-05:00An excellent description of dread and acceptance o...An excellent description of dread and acceptance of fate. Well written.JaneyVhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04951739945670483199noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-28397751987497031542010-01-15T22:36:32.722-05:002010-01-15T22:36:32.722-05:00Here to collect what wasn’t there. well written sc...<i>Here to collect what wasn’t there</i>. well written scene too.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-42229045943173366982010-01-15T17:31:40.828-05:002010-01-15T17:31:40.828-05:00Very vivid, very dark. Great portrait of despair,...Very vivid, very dark. Great portrait of despair, and not overdone, which would've been easy.<br />Nice.rainehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04258822737734173873noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-25153241097050316142010-01-14T19:34:43.616-05:002010-01-14T19:34:43.616-05:00A vivid picture of desperation.A vivid picture of desperation.Craighttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04344917148662934359noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-33046645771768025222010-01-14T09:48:35.926-05:002010-01-14T09:48:35.926-05:00Sucks for him! Loved this. I could feel his fear...Sucks for him! Loved this. I could feel his fear. Thank you for not forcing us to watch his fate. :-)catvibehttp://www.catvibe.net/blognoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-6458798129267169822010-01-13T23:55:44.720-05:002010-01-13T23:55:44.720-05:00A stark and smart neo-noir vignette. Great fun.A stark and smart neo-noir vignette. Great fun.Katherine Tomlinsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09696623795926663895noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-18446806312050995472010-01-13T23:29:57.651-05:002010-01-13T23:29:57.651-05:00I loved the details you included about the radiato...I loved the details you included about the radiator leaking onto the avocado green carpet - very vivid.Kurt Hendrickshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16183333362118745153noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-9136161198229732812010-01-13T21:15:31.013-05:002010-01-13T21:15:31.013-05:00I love this - its so different. This goes on my li...I love this - its so different. This goes on my list of favs too.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-23412553972572673072010-01-13T06:12:25.839-05:002010-01-13T06:12:25.839-05:00Powerful piece of writing, Eric.
Regards, David....Powerful piece of writing, Eric.<br /><br />Regards, David.David Barberhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05006533626998905560noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-87714519338894926082010-01-13T03:18:37.041-05:002010-01-13T03:18:37.041-05:00This is straight out of pulp folklore :) Nice writ...This is straight out of pulp folklore :) Nice writing!Kartikhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01067636999700672077noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-7079760346663370322010-01-12T18:34:32.972-05:002010-01-12T18:34:32.972-05:00Some excellent pulp writing. Some great lines, but...Some excellent pulp writing. Some great lines, but I don't get this one: 'Even in the cold beads of sweat gathered on Aaron’s forehead, upper lip and soaked his armpits as damp as the carpet.'<br /><br />And a 'fifth of whiskey' seems an overly technical way to say whiskey, or whiskey shot etc.<br /><br />But other than 'silhouetted' being mention for two hoods, how did you get to this from the picture prompt?kashersnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-10399452552229825632010-01-12T13:06:05.225-05:002010-01-12T13:06:05.225-05:00Way to set the tone. Loved your descriptions. Nice...Way to set the tone. Loved your descriptions. Nice job with the pacing. Nice, clean writing, too.Deb Smythenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-74223262417954166842010-01-12T11:56:12.982-05:002010-01-12T11:56:12.982-05:00"Stale overtones of sweat, mold and most pung..."Stale overtones of sweat, mold and most pungent of all, desperation." Loved that line. Actually, your descriptions are spot on; and you brought every sense into this story.<br /><br />I really enjoyed this one.peggyhttp://pegjet.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-91942744042293462642010-01-12T09:14:46.432-05:002010-01-12T09:14:46.432-05:00I could feel the fear rolling off the computer scr...I could feel the fear rolling off the computer screen. Great job, Eric!sandra seamanshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09786095189231150008noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-2183607019286048432010-01-12T09:02:08.153-05:002010-01-12T09:02:08.153-05:00spooky...spooky...laughingwolfhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08873675614347328116noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-83957820596737876562010-01-12T05:40:43.243-05:002010-01-12T05:40:43.243-05:00Great piece Eric, it bled noir.Great piece Eric, it bled noir.Lee Hugheshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10625970674709103188noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-50780312990708894522010-01-12T00:58:23.538-05:002010-01-12T00:58:23.538-05:00bummer.bummer.PJDhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05028687955957107957noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-75000169133731777092010-01-11T23:50:47.665-05:002010-01-11T23:50:47.665-05:00Very dark and honest. I love the ending - neither ...Very dark and honest. I love the ending - neither too much nor too little.Sheila Deethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13465615546936319164noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-57084738458520092002010-01-11T22:39:57.386-05:002010-01-11T22:39:57.386-05:00Marvelous short, poignant ending.Marvelous short, poignant ending.David Cranmerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04749857752139212888noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-77332150833626552172010-01-11T19:17:39.734-05:002010-01-11T19:17:39.734-05:00Great, Eric. 250 is tough!Great, Eric. 250 is tough!pattinase (abbott)https://www.blogger.com/profile/02916037185235335846noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-51031452085158583292010-01-11T18:01:48.249-05:002010-01-11T18:01:48.249-05:00Put me in mind of 'Sin City'...really well...Put me in mind of 'Sin City'...really well done. Vivid imagery especially when the door opened.DILLIGAFhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16520650650468676361noreply@blogger.com