tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post3535779694843544436..comments2023-09-22T07:03:03.280-04:00Comments on The Clarity of Night: Entry #227Jason Evanshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14851992219298316168noreply@blogger.comBlogger19125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-58848040358970404212010-01-23T18:24:25.528-05:002010-01-23T18:24:25.528-05:00Thank you all for your input! I intended this piec...Thank you all for your input! I intended this piece to be a simple snapshot from the bird's perspective and I'm glad you enjoyed it!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01994073509339502792noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-25154229052545954672010-01-19T12:35:04.675-05:002010-01-19T12:35:04.675-05:00Lovely prose and melancholy for sure. I also wish...Lovely prose and melancholy for sure. I also wish there was just a little more movement, a story or something to grab onto. Interesting personification though. I feel that way too.catvibehttp://www.catvibe.net/blognoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-67191913014826333382010-01-19T01:07:32.007-05:002010-01-19T01:07:32.007-05:00It's an effective description of lonely depres...It's an effective description of lonely depression, but to be honest I never connected with the narrator. It kind of comes down to, "I want to be happy, but I'm not, and no one seems to care." But I'm left wondering why I should care. Who is the narrator? What is his or her life like? What exactly made him or her so depressed? The language is lovely, don't get me wrong.PJDhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05028687955957107957noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-38227508015302416742010-01-18T13:49:08.263-05:002010-01-18T13:49:08.263-05:00iniscent of Michelle Shocked's 'Winter Whe...iniscent of Michelle Shocked's 'Winter Wheat'. <br /><br />Nicely done.Rachel Greenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13048590167153841615noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-3698875568827230412010-01-18T13:16:02.622-05:002010-01-18T13:16:02.622-05:00Beautiful.Beautiful.TLhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01613912638668399684noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-16407395096434557272010-01-18T06:56:48.447-05:002010-01-18T06:56:48.447-05:00The plight of the homeless will forever be hard to...The plight of the homeless will forever be hard to digest. You conveyed this in your narrator's voice.James R. Tomlinsonnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-59901704453160626282010-01-18T02:07:29.081-05:002010-01-18T02:07:29.081-05:00I like how you reinforce the theme of loneliness a...I like how you reinforce the theme of loneliness at every turn but do it subtly enough that it doesn't feel overdone.Craighttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04344917148662934359noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-8752285552629401462010-01-17T18:29:17.650-05:002010-01-17T18:29:17.650-05:00This is a lovely little vignette, but I would brea...This is a lovely little vignette, but I would break up the opening a tiny bit more. My mind wanted to skim right past the first paragraph after the first sentence. Not sure what made it so tough to get through, but was definitely worth it. I think white space might be all that's needed there.<br /><br />And while I enjoy the poetic interlude, it wasn't quite a story. As a prose poem, I loved it. I would stash it and come back every so often to reread.Megs - Scattered Bitshttp://writing.smeganpayne.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-81093756647816681122010-01-17T18:27:33.500-05:002010-01-17T18:27:33.500-05:00Melissa, after a month of bitter cold and snow I c...Melissa, after a month of bitter cold and snow I can totally relate to the longing for spring and an end to the long cold winter. I had never thought to equate the urban landscape with barrenness but I can see that from a bird's eye view it must seem grey with few green spaces between.<br /><br />I think that Bernita was right on the money again with the word <i>plaintive</i>. <br /><br />Nicely done.JaneyVhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04951739945670483199noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-80043534672136415522010-01-16T14:03:08.843-05:002010-01-16T14:03:08.843-05:00I think your beautiful pose made the bleak mood an...I think your beautiful pose made the bleak mood and setting all the more poignant.Deb Smythenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-88022905511190467822010-01-15T23:49:16.497-05:002010-01-15T23:49:16.497-05:00I used to be either blank or happy when i would wa...I used to be either blank or happy when i would watch birds flying in the sky. Your story will now make me wonder as to what these flying birds are thinking.<br /><br />One more medium to let my imagination take flight. :-)<br /><br />I loved this.Preetihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00279859240371070699noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-67904132470544564292010-01-15T22:26:29.167-05:002010-01-15T22:26:29.167-05:00Caveat
Something I Would Keep
Intentional or not, ...<br><br><a href="http://www.insearchofgiants.com/2010/01/commenting-on-silhouette.html" rel="nofollow">Caveat</a><br><br /><b>Something I Would Keep</b><br><br />Intentional or not, there's a huge theme of pregnancy (or its opposite) running through this - "void within", "life reasserts its place", "mating song", "barren fall" "left empty" - I found this to be most effective<br /><br /><b>Something I Might Tweak</b><br><br />A sense of conflict-resolution; I don't get that there's a change in the narrator from beginning to endAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-5199435062314165242010-01-14T20:45:54.300-05:002010-01-14T20:45:54.300-05:00It's lovely. I hadn't considered life from...It's lovely. I hadn't considered life from a bird's perpective either. Makes you think.Louisehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00539086690347476923noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-51337947453849150362010-01-14T12:11:22.183-05:002010-01-14T12:11:22.183-05:00The first line is so definitive of the feelings of...The first line is so definitive of the feelings of isolation. I confess I haven't given much thought to this character, but I will from now on.kashersnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-59418280167249002232010-01-14T08:32:20.373-05:002010-01-14T08:32:20.373-05:00Lovely prose.Lovely prose.Angel Zapatahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01166540490117426226noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-51279169978886912672010-01-14T01:48:57.069-05:002010-01-14T01:48:57.069-05:00In the words of Avatar: I see you!
Last lines hi...In the words of Avatar: I see you! <br /><br />Last lines hit hard. Nicely done.Aniket Thakkarhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18311954967682696734noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-59447892213155445782010-01-14T00:25:21.909-05:002010-01-14T00:25:21.909-05:00Bernita hit the nail on the head. Plaintive.Bernita hit the nail on the head. Plaintive.Laurelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06120847492230531939noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-64577642138456814942010-01-13T23:15:36.079-05:002010-01-13T23:15:36.079-05:00Very beautiful indeed. Filled with emotions and pa...Very beautiful indeed. Filled with emotions and pain.<br /><br />2nd para was filled with all the wishes and 3rd really hits with the bitter reality..<br /><br /><br />All the best :)<br /><br />Cheers<br />MaheshMahesh Sindbandgehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17099095274767291078noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-88044375959500523072010-01-13T23:01:32.815-05:002010-01-13T23:01:32.815-05:00Plaintive winter song.Plaintive winter song.Bernitahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05264585685253812090noreply@blogger.com