tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post6384357032676590763..comments2023-09-22T07:03:03.280-04:00Comments on The Clarity of Night: Entry #94Jason Evanshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14851992219298316168noreply@blogger.comBlogger24125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-90226320358426401322011-07-31T15:06:23.517-04:002011-07-31T15:06:23.517-04:00What a delicous twist! That revenge was long in t...What a delicous twist! That revenge was long in the making.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-45292047188050767752011-07-23T23:11:01.089-04:002011-07-23T23:11:01.089-04:00Mikki, Richard-
Thank you for commenting!
Richar...Mikki, Richard-<br /><br />Thank you for commenting!<br /><br />Richard, I'm always interested in hearing specific suggestions for improvement. I FB messaged you, but you can respond direct to the email on my profile if you'd rather.B. Nagelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07620736939701035617noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-57691040326193429042011-07-23T19:28:54.980-04:002011-07-23T19:28:54.980-04:00That old adage—revenge is a dish best served cold—...That old adage—revenge is a dish best served cold—makes a compelling 250 words. I'd pick a different word than rivulets, and tighten the writing slightly, but it's mostly just nitpicking. Well done.Richard Levangiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16596356126446766607noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-69683590992220388642011-07-23T12:57:01.405-04:002011-07-23T12:57:01.405-04:00Excellent ending; it gave me chills. Nicely writt...Excellent ending; it gave me chills. Nicely written.<br /><br />Thanks for sharing!Michele Zugnonihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12394802719932859470noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-56509514838517115272011-07-23T11:28:28.049-04:002011-07-23T11:28:28.049-04:00Brigid, phatichar, SzelsoFa, Jana, Rachel, Old Kit...Brigid, phatichar, SzelsoFa, Jana, Rachel, Old Kitty and Anon1:40-<br /><br />Thank you! It means a lot that y'all took the time to comment with so many great entries out there.<br /><br />Rachel, the setting (time and place)is pure fantasy.B. Nagelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07620736939701035617noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-83429552518957287162011-07-23T01:40:24.224-04:002011-07-23T01:40:24.224-04:00While I was surprised by the final line, I thought...While I was surprised by the final line, I thought all along that it was time for him to repay. I think it was the one last pipe comment early on. Well done. I echo the other commenters.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-87649603804481573312011-07-22T18:51:38.051-04:002011-07-22T18:51:38.051-04:00Ice cold patient revenge. I feel sorry for the man...Ice cold patient revenge. I feel sorry for the man - he seems to have tried to redeem himself with love but it wasn't to be! I really enjoyed this, thank you! Take care<br />xOld Kittyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13185547869183611159noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-30207373617394237992011-07-22T18:30:45.527-04:002011-07-22T18:30:45.527-04:00First line I was comfortable with MC, then uneasy,...First line I was comfortable with MC, then uneasy, then horrified, then glad he deserted and yet I think something awful is yet to come about. <br /><br />Was pleased he purified the earth, that the evil went into water, and wondered where this was set. Past, future, SF? <br /><br />Sad to say I looked up the names of the knives. Know nothing about them....ya got me there!<br /><br />Very nice, full work!Rachelhttp://artsdaughter.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-78705463739200647282011-07-22T16:09:56.266-04:002011-07-22T16:09:56.266-04:00Vivid description and the end packs a punch. Well ...Vivid description and the end packs a punch. Well done! ~Jana A.bluesugarpoethttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14775769108087898456noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-50430909859138748412011-07-21T08:48:21.481-04:002011-07-21T08:48:21.481-04:00that dr Watson story would have turned out just as...that dr Watson story would have turned out just as fine as this one did, i'm sure :)<br />i liked how the past is embedded within, no hiccups.SzélsőFahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11600289147447182465noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-13396237559799376262011-07-21T06:19:29.791-04:002011-07-21T06:19:29.791-04:00Liked the sching! Wonderful writing.Liked the <i>sching</i>! Wonderful writing.phaticharhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01458914636112852499noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-12139114228717934992011-07-21T04:48:26.633-04:002011-07-21T04:48:26.633-04:00Great pace to this story, it would make a great st...Great pace to this story, it would make a great start of something longer.Brigid O'Connorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08646687391409208367noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-23952663510531586592011-07-21T01:46:41.927-04:002011-07-21T01:46:41.927-04:00Dottie, Phil, Sarah, Erratic -
Thanks for reading...Dottie, Phil, Sarah, Erratic -<br /><br />Thanks for reading!<br /><br />Phil, I hope you didn't spend too much time researching weaponry, since I made up the names. Unless you enjoyed the research. In which case, you're welcome.<br /><br />Sarah, I'm not sure if you've heard this, but supposedly good women never smoke a pipe, sweat or break wind. I call balls to that.B. Nagelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07620736939701035617noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-59785622399019688452011-07-21T01:34:24.139-04:002011-07-21T01:34:24.139-04:00oooh! this is a great piece...Brilliant pace...
fe...oooh! this is a great piece...Brilliant pace...<br />feels like it is a snippet coming from a bigger storyline..quite engaging...:)Erratic Thoughtshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14852558150033296079noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-83988118300497841842011-07-20T23:08:10.431-04:002011-07-20T23:08:10.431-04:00First: most poetic title of the lot.
Also: what...First: most poetic title of the lot. <br /><br />Also: what I enjoyed most (maybe weirdly) is the one piece of info you give us on Kay: that she is packing her pipe. It seems so deliberate, yet...fiery. <br /><br />As always, your descriptions shine. Well done, B.Sarah Hinahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13888406261817690010noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-31867674403546195702011-07-20T23:06:44.330-04:002011-07-20T23:06:44.330-04:00Man. Good job. I was looking up the names of those...Man. Good job. I was looking up the names of those swords, but maybe you made them up.Phil Whttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08261840720705703731noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-34018648917739720892011-07-20T19:37:29.088-04:002011-07-20T19:37:29.088-04:00Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer. ...Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer. Revenge served up Kay style. Fitting.<br /><br /><br />Nice.<br /><br />Dottie :)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08688849410604429533noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-67108476815823633352011-07-20T19:11:32.066-04:002011-07-20T19:11:32.066-04:00Deb, Aimee, Aerin -
Thank you.
Aimee, I believe...Deb, Aimee, Aerin -<br /><br />Thank you. <br /><br />Aimee, I believe the saying is 'Revenge is dish best served with a dash of surprise and a slice of mythic weaponry.' Does that sound right?<br /><br />Aerin, if you remember Fifths from last CoN, this is the same world, just not the same sister and a little farther down the timeline.B. Nagelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07620736939701035617noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-33622546923483825602011-07-20T18:55:24.913-04:002011-07-20T18:55:24.913-04:00You have my initial three thoughts, but here's...You have my initial three thoughts, but here's my fourth:<br /><br />I wonder if it's my relationship to my little brothers (all three of you) that made this so memorable for me? I mean, you add to the sibling revenge a kind of Legend of the Seeker vibe, and I'm done for.<br /><br />I think your world-building is solid, the characterization of the narrator is powerful; I'm not sure about the characterization of Kay - some indication that she was the kind of person who could live with this man and convince him she's happy. Maybe not. No, the more I think on it, the more I think it's an excellent representation of his almost-tunnel-vision.<br /><br />Well done, Co-Dictator. Well done, indeed.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-23992563618588646042011-07-20T15:54:39.046-04:002011-07-20T15:54:39.046-04:00Revenge. What's the saying? ;)Revenge. What's the saying? ;)Aimee Lainehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15201246474625590886noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-54581168369302035902011-07-20T15:16:17.072-04:002011-07-20T15:16:17.072-04:00Wow, I didn't see that coming! Love the imager...Wow, I didn't see that coming! Love the imagery and the pacing. Great job. Wonderful writing.Deb Smythehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10990130480508998598noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-79034109211158757902011-07-20T14:35:51.831-04:002011-07-20T14:35:51.831-04:00Precie, Loren -
Thank you, both. This was a thir...Precie, Loren - <br /><br />Thank you, both. This was a third attempt at inspiration.<br /><br />I hope no one is disappointed I didn't pursue the story I originally considered: a Sherlock Holmes denouement with the ignominious ending line, "Elementally, my dear Watson."B. Nagelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07620736939701035617noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-40696707721057071462011-07-20T09:10:36.626-04:002011-07-20T09:10:36.626-04:00Great title and really wonderful imagery, B. You t...Great title and really wonderful imagery, B. You truly engage the senses.Loren Eatonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12488412683340389286noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-81091027237091429542011-07-20T08:39:58.155-04:002011-07-20T08:39:58.155-04:00Patient vengeance. You do an excellent job of capt...Patient vengeance. You do an excellent job of capturing the narrator's experience...your use of language and imagery for him is spot on. And the end hits hard.Preciehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05071233480999640713noreply@blogger.com