tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post7154868808386685817..comments2023-09-22T07:03:03.280-04:00Comments on The Clarity of Night: Entry #157Jason Evanshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14851992219298316168noreply@blogger.comBlogger19125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-15993577794508318252010-01-18T15:42:58.538-05:002010-01-18T15:42:58.538-05:00Enjoyed reading this one!Enjoyed reading this one!Chris Eldinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16732006129353079344noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-39668973074692689182010-01-17T19:55:00.384-05:002010-01-17T19:55:00.384-05:00my caveat
Something I Would Keep
the detail of pap...<br><br><a href="http://www.insearchofgiants.com/2010/01/commenting-on-silhouette.html" rel="nofollow">my caveat</a><br><br /><b>Something I Would Keep</b><br><br />the detail of paper against shoe spoke volumes in an otherwise sparse piece. i liked it.<br /><br /><b>Something I Might Tweak</b><br><br />Unlike some others, I didn't care for the last line - a little too rhythmically sing-songy. that's just my preference, tho.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-60900183683904779982010-01-17T05:42:51.260-05:002010-01-17T05:42:51.260-05:00i loved this. totally.
i wish it could be made in...i loved this. totally.<br /><br />i wish it could be made into a video. it would be breathtakingly beautiful. <br />there is something about dark alleys and knives and evil intentions and paranormal activities...<br /><br />wow...Preetihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00279859240371070699noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-55810112312188769012010-01-16T09:07:38.048-05:002010-01-16T09:07:38.048-05:00I love the darkness of this and I think that you d...I love the darkness of this and I think that you described the action and the mind of the shapeshifter well. It put me in mind of the batman comics. It had that Dark Knight feel to it - as well as the ambiguity of not knowing which of the characters - if any - is the good guy.JaneyVhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04951739945670483199noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-20126468656790949222010-01-16T05:18:59.679-05:002010-01-16T05:18:59.679-05:00Thank you all for taking the time.
prose is not m...Thank you all for taking the time.<br /><br />prose is not my usual form of late but this was simply a fun diversion for me and I appreciate all of your inputs and wish you all to be well.<br /><br />Thank You<br /><br />markthe walking manhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10058913927297370740noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-134098255415296532010-01-14T18:22:41.038-05:002010-01-14T18:22:41.038-05:00Yours is one of my favorite story progressions, an...Yours is one of my favorite story progressions, and one very well done! Thanks, I enjoyed reading.Michael Morsehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07451637745981389920noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-61013692804358457512010-01-14T05:44:06.055-05:002010-01-14T05:44:06.055-05:00I took the moment of loosening to be that decision...I took the moment of loosening to be that decision to flow into the other creature - predator, not prey. That these things do happen randomly also seemed, unfortunately, natural. That this guy decided to become the raptor - now that's just cool.Karenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12003379181294550035noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-31232830845145284012010-01-13T19:00:49.900-05:002010-01-13T19:00:49.900-05:00I like the protagonists calm in a pressure situati...I like the protagonists calm in a pressure situation. It gives him an air of experience.Craighttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04344917148662934359noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-76431655778466960062010-01-13T09:25:49.494-05:002010-01-13T09:25:49.494-05:00See, our stories have an eerie similarity here. W...See, our stories have an eerie similarity here. We both are entities that enjoy eating eyes. How can that be wrong? I love the dark alley scene here, as it unfolds. Nice imagery.catvibehttp://www.catvibe.net/blognoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-4639636748587859692010-01-13T04:44:58.010-05:002010-01-13T04:44:58.010-05:00This is just very good.This is just very good.austerehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16839224877080864005noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-54793206204904888222010-01-13T02:04:55.022-05:002010-01-13T02:04:55.022-05:00Thanks for the constructive critiques. The 250 wor...Thanks for the constructive critiques. The 250 word count had nothing to do with the choice of words in this piece. <br /><br />I understand why some would define "loosen" as the loosening of the bowels. Yet this is a reaction born of fear. If there is (and obviously there is) fault it is not the word "loosen," it is not having conveyed before the word that this being has no fear.<br /><br />Why he is being attacked is of no relevance, could be a mugging, could be a bookies agent...it is whatever you decide it is. <br /><br />I did play with a couple of lines that would have given an indication. But I have known too many random violence victims for the "why" to have relevance in my mind anymore. <br /><br />I agree that un-illuminated could have been better described, and that because it is not a common way to describe a dark alley and it presents a hitch in the flow. *shrug* <br /><br />The theme was silhouettes and the prompt was a raptor flying. What I wrote yesterday looking at the picture may well be something else entirely today.<br /><br />Thank you all for spending first the time to read, and secondly, more importantly, the time to critique and comment. It is the only way to see a piece through your eyes. <br /><br />Be Well<br /><br />markthe walking manhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10058913927297370740noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-24187234336504554412010-01-13T01:23:20.325-05:002010-01-13T01:23:20.325-05:00Again, Bernita beats me to the comments and hits i...Again, Bernita beats me to the comments and hits it head on.<br /><br />I kind of want to know why there's a guy with a knife coming at the MC. As it is, for me it's a bit of a detached moment, a random act of violence. I don't feel that much of a connection to the characters at all. (I know, I know... 250 words!)PJDhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05028687955957107957noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-29257270356857036062010-01-12T20:31:44.610-05:002010-01-12T20:31:44.610-05:00well done, mark... i thought the same as bernita, ...well done, mark... i thought the same as bernita, thoughlaughingwolfhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08873675614347328116noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-7981177388144765942010-01-12T16:20:42.768-05:002010-01-12T16:20:42.768-05:00I know that "dark alley" is more typical...I know that "dark alley" is more typical, and maybe it's just me, but I'd prefer it over "un-illuminated alley." With a 250 word limit, these decisions are difficult. Shades of darkness aren't easy to comprehend either. Nice horror flash. --JRAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-36330203271631535722010-01-12T16:14:08.379-05:002010-01-12T16:14:08.379-05:00Ah the joy of transmogrification.Ah the joy of transmogrification.kashersnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-21655725858533183792010-01-12T14:20:14.051-05:002010-01-12T14:20:14.051-05:00"my body began to loosen."
Ouch.
Though ..."my body began to loosen."<br />Ouch.<br />Though you explained it almost immediately, my first thought was that he'd wet his pants.Sorry!<br />Perhaps you don't need that line.Bernitahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05264585685253812090noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-54649687807116280362010-01-12T13:46:36.901-05:002010-01-12T13:46:36.901-05:00Good juxtaposition. I love a story where the hunte...Good juxtaposition. I love a story where the hunter becomes hunted.<br /><br />I really like this...I remember enjoying your last entry, as well. Good job!Laurelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06120847492230531939noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-83300898238101378432010-01-12T13:42:25.964-05:002010-01-12T13:42:25.964-05:00I love the last line the most. It has something sp...I love the last line the most. It has something special in it.lenahttp://www.thecolorsmagazine.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15498010.post-53546247035366392722010-01-12T13:22:30.492-05:002010-01-12T13:22:30.492-05:00I like the shapeshifting in this, and the last sen...I like the shapeshifting in this, and the last sentence is very striking.Crafty Green Poethttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02486633917197181851noreply@blogger.com