Entry #6
By Esther Avila
Chelsea lay in bed, unable to sleep. She could hear a clock ticking in the hallway. What time was it? She didn't know. Hours earlier her father had called from the hospital. His last words had frightened her.
"I'm sorry, honey. I know you wanted to be here but it all happened so fast. I would come for you but your mother is not doing well. I can't leave her. I'll call you soon," her father had said. "And, honey? Say a prayer, please."
She was 16 and yet, at that moment, Chelsea wanted to cry. For her father's sake, she didn't. Instead, she assured him that she would be fine.
Walking into the hallway, she turned on a small lamp and said a prayer for her mother before returning to her bedroom.
She was exhausted but she also knew she wouldn't sleep. Through the open doorway, she could see the lamp. The clock, striking every quarter hour, also kept her company.
Had it really been four hours since she had heard from her father?
Returning to the hallway, Chelsea paused at the lamp. Reaching across, she turned on a second lamp. It didn't matter to her that dawn was approaching.
"Please, God," she whispered, "Please do not take my mother or my baby sister away from us."
Great story, loved the symbolism!
ReplyDeleteI agree with Robin. I like to think that Chelsea had some mojo in turning on the second lamp, and mom and baby are fine.
ReplyDeleteAlso the simplicity of Chelsea's emotions is well done. (Anxious, but nothing else to do but pray and wait)
Flood
Yes, I too appreciate the symbolism. The "turning on" of the second light along with the prayer is a nice touch.
ReplyDeleteLight is the eternal soul symbol, isn't it.
ReplyDeleteLovely use of the light symbol to portray the young girl's anxiousness. Indeed, the two lights representing two lives comes across very nicely. Good job :).
ReplyDeleteI agree with the others. The turning on of the second light gave us hope.
ReplyDeleteVery nice, Ester. :)
ReplyDeleteOuch. Very poignant ending. Loved the symbolism of lighting a lamp in lieu of a candle.
ReplyDelete"The clock, striking every quarter hour, also kept her company." Great line. Agree with the above comments about turning on hope with the second lamp and second prayer - mom and baby are fine :-) How would you title this piece? Good writing! Lyndon (Entry #24)
ReplyDeleteThank you, everyone, for the kind comments. It was fun and I'm glad I read about the contest on Jeff's blog.
ReplyDeleteTitle? Hmmm...not sure.
Esther, such an emotionally charged piece. Not much I can say beyond praise. Very good in every way. The pacing is superb.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Jason.
ReplyDelete