"The Marker"
by Flood
Jesus told me to stop.
We're here.
Anywhere, I begged him. Anywhere to hold my sins.
This is it.
I looked around the area. Remote enough. The utility pole, a makeshift cross of wires and wood, consecrated the ground.
There's no better place.
I nodded and opened my backpack to find the retractable spade. The bottom of the pack kept my oblivion, my ignorance of women. Some mistakes were better known only to God. Her mother's pleas echoed somewhere in my brain.
In time, as the moon hung low through the clouds, the hole of my faith was dug.
Better the sins of the father be paid through his spirit than that of the child.
Jesus rambled in riddles, but it didn't matter. She would be safe in His arms and I was willing to pay with my soul, rather than my future in this life.
She cooed softly as I piled on the dirt.
[When Flood is not writing, she's thinking about writing. Or writing about writing on FlashFlood.]
Oh! I love this precisely because the creepy bits are so lightly touched upon! It's a sweet, soft story (with some creepy bits that I feel like I should see more clearly, but I can't... quite... make them out...). Well done!
ReplyDeleteTotally creepy, but good.
ReplyDeleteThe last line was unexpected, which made it all the creepier.
ReplyDeleteloved it.
ReplyDeleteOuch. That really hurt. In other words, great job!
ReplyDeleteCreepy and good. Nice job, Flood. :)
ReplyDeleteDark, creepy. Nice work!
ReplyDeleteOh, how cute! The cooing, especially.
ReplyDeleteYou have a dark soul, Girl. Letting it out like this will lead to a long life writing murder mystery series, making tons of money. Are you ready for that?
Thanks, you guys. I'm sensing a theme with the 'creepy'
ReplyDeleteForrest, I dunno if I'm ready for tons of money, but Mr would like me to hurry up and get on it.
Yowza. The ending was both expected and surprising at the same time.
ReplyDeleteFlood, this is really good. The last line is like a punch to the gut. In a good way, I mean.
ReplyDeleteWow! That was a good and creepy story!
ReplyDeleteBrutal — magnificently harsh. Can I start breathing again?
ReplyDeletevery creepy indeed! interesting writing.
ReplyDeleteThanks everyone! I just wanted to post again to allow Schprock to breathe. If it's not too late, of course. ;)
ReplyDeleteYummy. The dark stuff tastes so good.
ReplyDeleteDark and arresting. Your writing voice is powerful.
ReplyDeleteFlood:
ReplyDeleteOverly ounishing. What's the SIN that deserves this?
Good stuff, Flood!
ReplyDeleteGood stuff!
Flowing very well and leads us in a straight line to the end, which is still a shocker but so in line with established character.
Very creepy. Nicely done, Flood!
ReplyDeleteVery creepy, and you managed in such few words. Great job.
ReplyDeleteGood job! Nice and creepy.
ReplyDeleteJesus rambled in riddles. Great line.
ReplyDeleteThe hole of my faith was dug. I loved this.
ReplyDeleteThanks everyone.
ReplyDeletefringes and linda, you both chose my favourite lines. Thanks for liking them too.
So many good lines in this piece:
ReplyDelete"...makeshift cross of wires and wood, consecrated the ground."
"...the hole of my faith was dug."
"Jesus rambled in riddles..."
And then that final line, drawing what went before to that chilling conclusion.
Well written, Flood.
Excellent.
ReplyDeletesimply EXCEPTIONAL job flood. One of if not my favorite of them all.
ReplyDelete"willing to pay with my soul rather than my future in this life"
thanks for a greatttttttttt story!
INKcogKNEEdough
I agree with fringes..."Jesus rambled in riddles" rocks.
ReplyDeleteNice going.
Elisha Bridges
Flood, the "Jesus whispers" and pacing are great here. The first and last lines are powerful--just what you want to hook and then resolve.
ReplyDeleteThank you Jason, and thanks to everyone who put me on thier Reader's Choice ballot. It really made me feel good.
ReplyDelete