I Can Dig It
by Jaye Wells
Digging graves is hell on a manicure. But Grandma Lavinia always said good girls clean up after every meal.
My job completed, I leaned on the shovel. The moon was high—plenty of time left before sun rise.
A twig snapped off to my right. Sniffing the air, I realized it was just David. Probably coming to give me shit.
He stalked into the clearing.
Yep, definitely pissed about something.
"What's up?" I asked, playing it cool. Grandma always said a true lady avoided confrontation until absolutely necessary.
"Do you want to explain to me why you are standing over a fresh grave?"
So much for easing into the conversation.
"This grave?" I asked.
"Don't play dumb with me, Sabrina. What happened to bagged blood I gave you?"
"That stuff tastes like shit, David."
He sighed, familiar disappointment in his eyes.
"You know I have to report this."
"Come on. It was just a stupid drug dealer. He was selling to children, David. Though, I have to say, nothing beats the taste of cannabis mixed with blood."
A muscle worked in his jaw. "The law is the law, Sabrina. It's my duty to inform the Council."
With surprise on my side, I swung the shovel in a high arc. The decapitation splattered blood all over my new dress.
Great, in addition to a massive dry cleaning bill, I had to dig another grave.
But smart vampires dispose of problems—even if the problem was a friend.
[Jaye disposes of writing problems at www.jayewells.com.]
Loved the attitude, which was well established with the very first line. On one hand we have a "good girl" who listens to her grandma, on the other, a night stalker sick of playing by the rules. Very cute Jaye.
ReplyDeleteThis was so freakin' funny. Great voice.
ReplyDeleteAh, very nice. Dark, but light.
ReplyDeleteHey, Scott, thanks.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Angie!
Jim, that juxtaposition of dark versus light was what I was going for. Glad it came through.
Nice Job Jaye.
ReplyDeleteI LOVED the duality of her.
BD
Oh Jaye - You've got such a talent for this. I love the voice, the attitude. 100% fantastic.
ReplyDeleteLove writing that can set the whole tone with dialogue.
ReplyDeleteFreaky funny diabolical
have I left anything out
oh yeah
damn good writing
Enjoyed it. Loved the humor. Jer
ReplyDeleteNice to know that they have a Council, and rules to abide by. ;-)
ReplyDeleteThanks, everyone.
ReplyDeleteBonnie, of course they do. Even vampires have to deal with red tape.
Ruthless!
ReplyDeleteRuthless!
ReplyDeleteI could feel David's exasperation about the bagged blood. Reminds me of Along Came Polly but, you know, with vampires.
ReplyDeleteplayful yet diabolical...the girl next door. good read
ReplyDeleteWhat perfect mix of horror and humor. I loved it!
ReplyDeleteAnd join Sabrina tomorrow when the dry cleaner asks, "Wait a minute! Where'd all this blood come from?"
ReplyDeleteTHWACK!
"Great, another body to bury and look what I just did to my cashmere sweater!"
woo-hoo!! loved it, loved it, Jaye!!!
ReplyDeletegreat title, too!
perfect little piece!
Very funny - of course, I'm a little disturbed with myself that a man is decapitated and I'm amused.
ReplyDeleteYou guys are the best!
ReplyDeleteVery engaging voice, Jaye!
ReplyDeleteLike everyone else, I love the humor here. Just the right balance of funny and creepy. You could write a whole book around a character like this. Who doesn't like a sassy vampire?
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ReplyDeleteThanks, Bernita.
ReplyDeleteWriting, funny you should mention it. This short was set in the same world as my books, although the character was a bit more (pardon me) blood-thirsty than my other characters.
Oh, bravo! Jaye. You set me laughing with that first sentence. It's a story in itself. Angie Johnson-Schmit sent me over. Glad I came.
ReplyDeleteMG, thanks so much! Coming from you that's a huge compliment.
ReplyDeleteJaye
Fantastic title, great wit. There is an irreverance here that is appealing. Original and definately fun. I would love to read more of this.
ReplyDeleteSorry, too many peeps using the PC. The above is from Flood
ReplyDeleteThis was hilarious! Wonderful read and a definite wonderful narrative voice.
ReplyDeleteFlood, a very good friend of mine helped me with the title.
ReplyDeleteSouthern, I'm so glad you liked it.
Shadow, thank you for the compliments.
I love vampire stoies and I REALLY like vampires with an attitude. Great writing.
ReplyDeleteAn anti-establishment vampire! That has to be impressive. Clever storytelling in a great voice.
ReplyDelete"I can dig it." Your creativity is top of the form.
ReplyDeleteThanks Linda, Bhaswati and Bofire. I'm thrilled with the positive response to this story.
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely the best first line I have read anywhere, anytime, any place!
ReplyDeleteNicholas, the first line came to me as I was driving down the road. It defined the whole story for me.
ReplyDeleteA nice little story, and I loved the character's voice. Funny, sassy, and tough. Perhaps a bit too tough, at least I wouldn't want her for a friend, not with that attitude, but fun to read about.
ReplyDelete"at least I wouldn't want her for a friend, not with that attitude" said Wandering Author.
ReplyDeleteI would imagine the decapitation thing would play into that, too. ;)
Thanks for the nice feedback.
Fantastic piece of writing!
ReplyDeleteI love that first paragraph. It sets the whole tone. And as others have said the humour and darkness work very well. I'd love to read more of this.
It's really cool.
ReplyDeleteFirst two sentences are funny as heck and perfect, they tell us what we need to know.
I also dig when she says "[He's] probably coming to give me shit" and later she claims that the bagged blood "tastes like shit".
Only thing I wasn't crazy about was the last line. Neither the "friend" part nor that she calls herself a smart vampire. We know that.
Instead, I'd have preferred her to check her manicure again and then .... start digging. Or something.
Now, how does this voting thing work? Gotta check.
A.M., thanks for your feedback. Actually the last line was supposed to echo the lessons of Grandma Lavinia which are mentioned two other times in the story. Perhaps that wasn't clear.
ReplyDeleteThanks.
Congratulations on your well-deserved win!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Suzanne. It was a tough field this time. I'm honored.
ReplyDeleteI love the attitude! My kind of vampire. Yeah, that guy was a drag. He was worth the dig. Highest marks overall.
ReplyDeleteCongrats on the Honorable Mention!
Jason, thanks again for the contest. I am so happy you enjoyed it!
ReplyDeleteThat was great Jaye. I remember reading that in the book. However I am very happy that the "r" was taken out of her name. It gives the character more of a "roundness" and originality to her.
ReplyDelete