Fever
by Bethany Swafford
I can't focus on anything but the heat. How can it be so hot and why won't it stop?
Frustrated and confused, I curl my hand into a fist, dragging it over my face. I can feel the beads of sweat on my forehead, just as I can feel my clothes sticking to my skin.
I bring my hand down by my side, leaving my eyes closed. There had to be something I could fight, something I could do to cool off!
Twisting to my side, I stretch my fingers out towards...I don't know what. Some bright hope of relief, I guess. All it did was get me caught and tangled in the blanket that covered me.
I wanted relief! I wanted this to stop! With a cry, I kicked to get free. In a matter of moments, I had no more energy and gave up. A whimper rose in my throat.
Through my fever, a gentle voice caught my attention. “Drink this.”
The edge of a cup was brought to my mouth and I drank the cool water eagerly. A soft hand curved over my forehead, bringing a brief moment of coolness and comfort.
“Everything will be all right,” Mom said.
I believed her.
Beautiful! I didn't think this was going anywhere special, boy was I wrong, what is more special than mom's medicine!
ReplyDeleteEven as a - ahem - thirtysomething, I still want my mommy when I'm sick.
ReplyDeletecaptcha is nondr - like, non doctor? I kid you not.
A very sweet and touching approach to the prompt.
ReplyDeleteFevers will do the weirdest things. Weirdest I tell you, but the touch of Mom is always the best. :)
ReplyDeleteI think it's your last line that makes Aerin's comment so true--we want our moms when we're sick because at our core we believe the comfort will make us better. You've captured that so well here.
ReplyDeleteThank you everyone for your kind comments!
ReplyDeleteI just don't know what else to say!
Short and sweet...really packs an emotional punch.
ReplyDeleteMums are always right and they can cure anything! Lovely.
ReplyDeleteMoms always make the bad things go away. Frightened by the last line "I believed her." Is Mom successful this time?
ReplyDeleteDottie :)
Absolutely, Dottie! I have complete faith in Mom making things better!
ReplyDeleteI am a newbie at this, so everyone's comments make my day!
Bethany
Awe! Sweet relief at the hand of Mom. :) If only we could conjure at any time in life! ~Jana A
ReplyDeletePowerful voice - beautiful ending! Thank you, take care x
ReplyDeleteWell-drawn delirium.
ReplyDeleteOne small suggestion: watch your tenses and make sure they're doing what you want them to do. The narrator begins in the present tense, and I think if you want you could stay there to keep the tension on and the fever up.
Sweet finish seals it. Poor thing.
ReplyDeleteMixing up my tenses is a problem I've been trying to work on. I hadn't even noticed I'd done it again! What would my English teacher say to me?
ReplyDeleteI have a difficult last decade with my mother when I became her caregiver, but this story brought home my reasons for consenting to do. She was a wonderful person when I needed her to be.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Bethany. :-)
AW!! You're welcome, Richard!
ReplyDeleteAwwwe. Yay for mom! Good story.
ReplyDeleteBethany - Your description of the fever took me right back to the late 70s when I had scarlet fever one very very hot summer. I'm glad her mom was there to offer a cooling touch.
ReplyDeleteNow you're making me feel bad for calling her the evil sorceress in my story. :'(
ReplyDeleteMoms are really the best doctors, the best alarm clocks, the best cooks, the best everything. They're just the best. I'm so glad that my parents are visiting me at the moment and I'm sitting right next to my mom as I write this.
Thank you for sharing such a touching piece.
WOW! I go away for the weekend and come back to find some more great comments! Thanks everyone! I'm so glad you have enjoyed my little contribution!
ReplyDeleteWe never have that kind of comfort again, do we? Very poignant and well written.
ReplyDeleteCongrats on Forties Club!
Thank you so much!
ReplyDelete