The Mark
by Alexander Salas
Its red fiery eye scanned the mark on her shaking left palm. Though It showed no mouth Its eye gleamed a smile. It approved.
She received the mark the day they reached an agreement.
Not guilty. The jury had spoken. She’d be free to roam the rest of her days on earth. It had kept Its end of the bargain.
She tried to breach the deal by confessing to the murder of her baby girl on her death bed. But the mark superseded her feeble attempt to break their contract. A ‘confession is good for one’s soul’ if one had a soul.
“Welcome home.” A disembodied voice snickered.
Creepy reveal, and a quick, compact tale of evil and weakness. Nicely done.
ReplyDeleteThe one word I had a problem with was "superceded". It's too bulky a word for the narrative, and it brought me up short.
But the mark superseded her feeble attempt to break their contract. Gotta love those binding contracts. ;)
ReplyDeleteWhat was her side of the bargain? I'm not sure I want to find out. I almost feel sorry for this murderess.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing. =)
Casey Anthony?
ReplyDeleteThe devil always collects his debts...and trying to screw him just pisses him off. Nice.
ReplyDeleteDottie :)
in this dark and dry story i think she got what she asked for.
ReplyDeleteWell, if you play with fire...
ReplyDelete"Confession is good for the soul" but only if you still have one! Nice!
ReplyDeleteSome bargains are not really a bargain, eh? ~Jana
ReplyDeleteVery creepy and most disturbing! Well done! take care
ReplyDeletex
Haunting tale. Great use of imagination. You left me craving more!
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing!
Really short, but effective. Good one.
ReplyDeleteAlexander — Love the ending!
ReplyDeleteThanks for all the above comments!
ReplyDeletealex
Urgh. Sorry, I had trouble getting past the "killed her baby girl". I think Szels said "dry", but in that sharp, biting, effective way. Like wine. Ooh, wine.
ReplyDeleteAlexander - I think that justice is served here. Well done.
ReplyDeleteBrief, but very deft. You wove an intense story in so few words. Excellent! Strong writing.
ReplyDeleteCongrats on Forties Club!