Exit
by Elizabeth Proctor
There are things I don’t want illuminated. Rifts I don’t want reopened. This is too much for me to think about and seeing it racing toward me, demanding I look at it—well, it makes me want to run away. Sometimes, that is the best choice, running away and NOT facing it. But this thing burns, reminding me that it will never really go away.
Can I really escape its grasp? Avoid going through the rift and dealing with what is on the other side? Can I just say “NO”?
Sometimes life hands me things that are well beyond my ability to handle and I can only do my best to NOT handle them. But they keep coming back, more fiery and painful than before. They stare me down, each time like an open rift--a baleful eye--daring me to say “no” yet again.
It flares up in my dreams, flashes in my windshield causing a blind spot, blinks in the corners of my consciousness—not quite clear, but always there; always mocking my attempts to get rid of it, pretending it isn’t there.
Sometimes, I wonder what would happen if I DID let it catch up to me. Would I shine as it does? Would I become as baleful as it appears to be? Or would I burn up with the knowledge that I really am NOT able to deal with it? I must decide if I will let it will catch me. I only have one week.
I can't figure out exactly what the MC is running from. (I need more coffee.) Nice job building tension, though. I felt the MC's anxiety.
ReplyDeleteThat's the idea, Deb. The MC is running from whatever YOU think it might be running from.
ReplyDeleteI'm curious why the last line is bolded. It adds great tension at the end to give it a timeframe even without that, I think. :)
ReplyDeleteThe tension is there, if I can only figure out why? Has a scifi-y feel to it as well. Frightening.
ReplyDeleteDottie :)
Is the MC waiting for death?Like she/he knows it is inevitable and around the week...If that, it sure is creepy knowing death is around the corner...who wouldn;t want to say NO to it...
ReplyDeleteNice way to describe helplessness...
You can do an awful lot in one week....
ReplyDeleteDrink beer / shag / hit someone you hate....
Go MC!!!!!
You've left it 'open'...for what it's worth, I think that's very clever. Very.
Just a daft English Northern bloles thoughts...
Ta babe x
Ah, good, then I read it accurately...Personally, I like that you chose to have readers fill "it" in themselves. Like 4D says, you can do quite a lot in one week...especially if you overcome your fears and just go for "it." thanks!
ReplyDeleteIntriguing piece - and I am left with more questions than answers (I love that kind of writing). This could be the beginning of a longer work, for sure! ~Jana A
ReplyDeleteJust like fear to show up everywhere! But you have some interesting encounters with "it" and I like that you know it mocks your efforts to ignore it.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Jana that you could work this into a longer piece.
Oh no!! You must continue this story, I want to know what happened!! Well done!! Take care
ReplyDeletex
Thank you all for your lovely comments. There actually is a longer story that should come out of it and the time frame IS essential. It'll take time to flesh out, but I'll work on it.
ReplyDeleteNice Hitchock feel.
ReplyDeleteFeel like your MC is heading for the week that I've just had!
ReplyDeleteIt's very well written and I'm intrigued but perhaps there are just too many questions to allow it to stand up as a complete piece for me. Good luck with it though.
H
There's an immediacy to this piece that grabs hold, forcing the reader into the page. Great use of emotions.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing!
Elizabeth: I'm smiling. The MC is having my kind of week.
ReplyDeleteI just tweeted: "A major problem. I can deal. Two major problems, I can deal. But when problems start piling like cars on a freeway, I grow weary."
It was nice to read this to fortify myself for the challenge.
Aimee's point is valid - putting the last line in bold is unnecessary because your prose so clearly speaks for itself. Great job.
ReplyDeleteThe bold was a format test and I forgot to take it out because I was in a rush to make deadline (I know--naughty me). I wanted some sort of emphasis because this is almost a prologue and the format makes it a bit more of a challenge. -- Elizabeth
ReplyDeleteI feel the weight of obsessive-compulsive thoughts. A haunted person. That effect came through the writing very well. I especially liked the sentence structure.
ReplyDelete