(An experiment in paranormal romance.)
Nathaniel walked under the dark reach of trees.
Sunlight faded, and night breezes stirred.
He liked the shadows. And the twilight. He liked their soft comfort. Blending with the colors, he passed through the meadows unseen.
A rabbit darted. Long leaps bounded into the open, then disappeared away in the gloom.
He slowed.
Easing into each step, he drew behind the final tree. Close. Very close. He peered around furrows of bark.
The house. Huge and moody. Slices of darkness brooded beneath the eaves.
But he didn't come to see the old walls or the stains running down the roof. In the last glimmer of light, he watched the second floor window and sighed.
He came for the young woman who sat there.
Paranormal romance? I like :-)
ReplyDeleteBut... where's the rest of it?
Nothing like a springtime romance...between ghosts?? This should be good!
ReplyDeleteJason I am always reading a book. When I don't have a book at night to read I feel lost.
ReplyDeleteOne of the best things I found thru blogging is I can always find something interesting to read that leaves me wanting more. You my friend always gives me that feeling.
Glad of the rabbit.
ReplyDeleteNice touch.
And the bark - that attention to the telling detail.
Liked "slices of darkness brooding..."
But, white siding?
Terri, I know, it's a terribly short piece. But, man, did it give me trouble. I sure hope this experiment doesn't detonate!
ReplyDeleteKara, yes, I'm moving into spring-influenced writing. Trying to keep the heavy, dark themes to a minimum. Glad to see you back from your trip! I'm looking forward to your Cuba posts. =)
BeadinggalinMS, thank you for the wonderful compliment! It helps me to feel that direct connection to the reader. I appreciate you giving me that sense of sharing.
Bernita, I was up after midnight trying to bang something reasonable out of my screwed-up first attempt. If this works at all, I'm relieved. (Mentioning the siding is probably a clinker that should get tossed.) I really have a job cut out for me to make my original idea for this piece come alive.
Great job of setting a mood.
ReplyDeleteThere is something oppressive about the beginning. I get the feeling Nathaniel needs to see the 'young woman' in order to lighten his load.
ReplyDeleteA rabbit bounding away at dusk - I love that image. But I agree about the tired white siding. When you said the house was huge and moody, I immediately pictured gray clapboard. :)
ReplyDeleteRene, I appreciate that. It's one way I try to differentiate myself.
ReplyDeleteMermaid, a very interesting observation!!
Sarah, I like your new blog presence. Great site! I'm happy to remove the siding image. I ran out of steam last night. This piece took way, way too long. I'd better sharpen it up for the next part.
Very good romantic tone already set in such a brief sample. Great!
ReplyDeleteStop teasing us. Post the rest.
ReplyDeleteTanya
Kelly, thank you! This style is new to me. I'm not sure how far to go.
ReplyDeleteTanya, LOL! One, tiny problem. It isn't written yet. I write these serial pieces post by post. In a way, it gives me much more opportunity to learn. I can shape the story based on what people are responding to.
and I think... or read... blending with the rest... bleeding with the rest... I have a problem I guess. Very clean-cut, chiselled prose. You could play around with this even more, if it was not for your multiple lives. I'm amazed - I work in this field ya know... and you can still do it.
ReplyDeleteAnn Marie
I have to say this - you love Jean de Florette and The life of Pi... that's here and my culture.... incredible.
ReplyDeleteManon des Sources anyone?
Ann Marie, I just appreciate being able to explore and share here. A privilege really. And I'm feeling better about "Meadow Crossing" today. I think it'll turn out fine.
ReplyDeleteI don't mean to leave out Manon des Sources when I mention Jean de Florette. Of course they are two necessary parts of a whole. I saw them at college, and I have to say that at the end of Jean de Florette, I sat open-mouthed, completely in awe of the ending. It hovered over me for weeks. I don't think I have since experienced a more expert and exquisitely formed story.
Thanks for dropping by my blog.
ReplyDeleteThis is amazing (well, except for the siding - Hill House wouldn't have had siding). And a paranormal romance with a ghost. That's the kind I like and they are few and far between. Please, please keep writing this - I need ghost romances.
Eve, my pleasure! Hope you don't mind if I stop back. ;) My first novel, The Hickory Barrens, was suspense tinged with paranormal romance. I'm fascinated also by love for an idealized vision of a person--a ghost.
ReplyDeleteI changed the siding to "old walls." Is that better? It sounds more poetic at least.
You're welcome to drop by anytime - I can't always guarantee it'll be interesting ;-)
ReplyDeleteYes, I think "old wall" sounds much better.
I'll ride along.
ReplyDeleteYou are truly a Renaissance man of genres! :)
ReplyDelete(Weighing in late, but contrats on finishing the first draft of novel #2!)
Eve, thanks. :)
ReplyDeleteErik, there's always a seat for you.
Jess, I do like to prod the boundaries. And thanks for sentiment on my completed draft!
Nice start, Jason. I like the imagery. :)
ReplyDeleteJeff, thanks. :) So I'm not an imagery-aholic? I'm in treatment for that, you know. ;)
ReplyDelete