Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Entry to Share

I salute Scott for embracing the spirit of this "contest." Yes, there are prizes to juice it up a litte, but the real point is the amazing camaraderie we've been seeing. Scott did this second piece to further challenge himself. He posts it here to share. Only his first entry will be considered in the judging, though. Thanks Scott!

"Chip Off the Old Block"
By Scott Ellis

Marla knelt before him and looked up. Mascara rills meandered away from her red puffed eyes. "He's crazy I tell you. Your dad is crazy!"

Steven put his hands on the backs of her white-knuckled hands, which were gripping his knees as he sat on the edge of the chair by her makeup stand. He blinked back his own tears.

"I can't marry him, he's psychotic," she continued. "But you are so sweet, unspoiled. Stay with me."

"He's my dad Marla," Steven said in labored, broken pieces. "And he needs me."

"It's too late for him, but you... I'll be the kind of parent you deserve, send you to good schools--"

From the front door erupted a thunderous crash, as if the door would splinter. Then came a furious yell from without, "Where is my son!"

"Oh Jesus," Marla cried, "wait here." She ran to the front door and screamed, "Go away Jack, or I'll call the police."

"Not without my son! Steven, open this door."

Steven rounded the corner and faced Marla, with a bag hoisted on his shoulder. "I have to go. I'm sorry."

Marla sagged and tenderly wiped a tear from his eye with her thumb. "If you ever need me."

Steven hugged her then opened the door, then hopped into the truck with his father.

His father said, "Did you get them?"

Steven unzipped the bag that rested between them. Inside were two ceramic lamps. "How much can we get for them?"


Bernita said...

Evil twist.
Well set up.

Scott said...

Thanks Bernita, and thanks Jason for posting this!

Erik Ivan James said...

Ditto Bernita

Lyn said...

Oooh, set up. Good job. The "I can't marry him" line threw me off a bit - not sure it's necessary. Story works for me even if they were already married (which was my impression - but again, probably more my reading than your writing). Keep up the good work. Lyndon (Entry #24)

Scott said...

Thanks Erik and Lyndon. The background is they almost got married but didn't, so she was telling Steven that it wasn't going to happen.

Robin said...

Well done!