"Twenty-Three in Motion"
The train stops.
My mind in whirls
Floating over tracks
And confusion.
I'm feigning sleep
Swirling in music
Burdened with memories.
Over ground
Swaying in blackness
In the air
In my stomach
Whispering truths
I don't want to hear.
The train stops.
Chipping away images
Swimming in fumes
of laughter and conversation.
I'm fighting facts
Hidden in music
Hoping I'll forget.
Lift me lower
Paste reflections
Of broken mirrors
Behind my eyes.
Whisper the truths
I know I must hear.
Cool Jason, thanks for the link. Now I need to churn the idea mill. Two days. Tick tock...
ReplyDeleteHi.... thanks... I cannot comment but I'd love to... I will link back soon with everyone, just waiting a little.
ReplyDeleteThanks
Ann Marie
Jason your submission is awesome. I really like this. Your words describe how I have been feeling this week.
ReplyDeleteI will be MIA the rest of the week and weekend. Wedding is on Saturday. I wanted to drop by and say HI and see ya later! :)
p.s.
Is it possible for the mother of the groom to have cold feet? haahaa
'Paste reflections
ReplyDeleteOf broken mirrors
Behind my eyes.
Whisper the truths
I know I must hear'
This reminds me of the symbolic rearview mirror in cars. We drive and see the blurred images of the past. We try to hold the mottled distortions of color and air in our hands, in our minds, only to let them slip through our fingers and blow back into the wind of nothing.
Hey, I think you inspired me to write something:)
"Paste reflections of broken mirrors behind my eyes" is a particularly effective line.
ReplyDeleteScott, definitely enter if you can. Ann Marie practically exudes poetry. I'm looking forward to seeing what folks send in!
ReplyDeleteAnn Marie, thanks for stopping by! I know you can't speak until you finish judging. ;)
BeadinggalinMS, so cool this struck a chord for you! I left a note for you on your blog. I hope the wedding is wonderful! :D
Mermaid, great comparison! I once wrote a scene from the perspective of a car rearview mirror. It does give a fascinating perspective. A forward image of the past as it slips away.
Martyn, thank you! It's so important in poetry to push the boundaries of image and expression. It's nice when I tap into a little of that magic.
Very nice, Jason. Taut, stark, and so very urban. I am sure a lot of us relate to this.
ReplyDeleteGreat writing, Jason! A new side we hadn't yet seen. Good luck!! =D
ReplyDeleteI don't think I'm going to make it. I started a short story that will exceed the word limit, and I don't want to rush it.
ReplyDelete"fumes of laughter and conversation"
ReplyDeleteSuch a good inclusive image.
I'd have to echo Bernita - "Swimming in fumes
ReplyDeleteof laughter and conversation." is quite powerful.
I identify wholeheartedly with this - it's like you took a peek into my mind because it describes me on the train to & from work.
ReplyDelete"I'm feigning sleep
Swirling in music
Burdened with memories..."
Great work.
Bhaswati, much appreciated! It's my journey from the city to the 'burbs.
ReplyDeleteKelly, just keeping you on your toes. :D
Scott, that's alright. It's better to have a piece you're satisfied with.
Bernita, thanks. :) Sometimes it really is a blast to weave those tasty phrases.
Melissa, this poem is about the feelings I have coming down from a social event.
Terri, a fellow train commuter! Peace on, sister. ;)
Your poem is fabulous, Jason. I feel the clipped, efficient swaying of the train, the sounds of the people and the engine and the stopping. Then, beyond that, a deeper layer of heaviness and emotion. Beautifully done! Good luck!
ReplyDeleteI love this poem!
ReplyDeleteHi Jason. Someone entered with several pieces and I did not limit the entries. Whip up another one you too. I am contacting everyone because this just happened.
ReplyDeleteAnn Marie
Cate, I'm humbled. =) If I've done that for you, then this poem has been a great success.
ReplyDeleteLluvia, welcome to The Clarity of Night! The compliment is much appreciated. I very much hope to see you back!
Ann Marie, poetry isn't the easiest creation for me. ;) On short notice, I could do something brief, but not something over 100 words. I'll have to rely on my effort here. Thanks for the invite, though!
Good luck, Jason! Ann Marie has some great artwork to choose from.
ReplyDeleteI tried poetry, but readers would have made more sense of a drunken monkey than what I was writing. You, however, have done a fine job.
I agree with Bernita about the "fumes of laughter..." Noise pollution has never sounded so poetic.