Someone Else's Night
by Ella Lesatele
Ten minutes past closing. I brought out the sequined shoes and the pretty blond slipped them on her pedicured feet, not bothering to put down her cell.
"You know it's a full moon," she said, stalking over to the foot mirror and pivoting. "Four of those freaks called today." The sequins seemed to wink back at me from the mirror. I smothered a yawn.
"Don't laugh. This one guy asked if I was into maribou." She balanced on one foot as she pried the other shoe off. "The next one says he can tell from my voice that I have a sexy smell. Holy creep, Batman." She tossed it in my direction without looking. "That's not even counting the mud-fetish freak-"
The whiskey-colored satin was still warm from her foot. I re-wrapped it and tucked it back in the box. After a final look in the mirror, she shucked the other shoe, kicked it towards me, and stepped back into the red Prada heels she'd worn in. No sale.
"No," she said, laughing, "I can't eat sushi, my diet. Maybe-" The bells on the closing door drowned out the rest of the conversation. I yawned again.
Outside, the moon glowed dimly in a cloud-scaled sky, barely visible above the yellow blare of city lights. I turned out the lights, locked the door, and began my walk to the bus stop, wondering if I would ever have the chance to lead an interesting life.
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
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19 comments:
Now that's depressing, but so very true to life.
Gotta say I love this one, though I don't want to admit it's because it hit so close to home. Nice snapshot.
oh, wow. that's wonderful, ella. you captured both characters so perfectly.
very nice.
Makes me wonder if her body will be found in the morning...
Bernita, isn't that just the way, though? We take the most ordinary experience and then twist it to get something cynical and unexpected. :)
I really enjoyed this one. Probably because it's a different genre. Nice.
Two people meet without ever meeting. How strange.
Simple, yet to the point. The point being the one that leads no where. Very good, it made me feel depressed.
Good connection between characters.
I loved the contrast of the two characters. I can totally relate to the feeling of watching someone else have all the problems I wish I had. Well told.
Oh, I loved this. The characterization is clever and perceptive.
It is so Walter Middy-ish.
Fantastic.
This is my favorite kind of story, where the characters are all kind of walking around missing the connection. Very nice work.
The contrast between the characters is so sharp, it stings. Excellently done!
Neatly done, subtle.
I keep re-reading this, because I like it so much.
Thanks, everyone. This is the first short-short piece I've ever done, and it's great to get positive feedback on it.
Oh wow, I loved this.
The whole conversation/no-conversation thing, the tone, everything. Brilliant.
Congratulations on your well-deserved win!
What a perfect sense of motion balanced with dialog. I also am touched by the perspective of the outsider. Congrats on the Honorable Mention!
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