Sunday, August 27, 2006

Entry #60

Entry #60
by Anne Erre

As soon as he came to, Rafe started screaming for help. He yelled until his throat was raw, until his voice cracked, until he had no voice left. Fear was making him sick.

How long had he been out? How late was it?

He knew he'd hurt his leg when he'd fallen down the hole, but he didn't dare reach down to find out how bad - as long as he couldn't feel anything from the knee down, then he couldn't feel the pain either, and that suited him fine.

He tried to sit up, but it felt like his bone was tearing his leg open and the pain was suddenly blinding, so horrible that he couldn't remember hurting so bad, ever. He screamed and sobbed for his parents, his voice miraculously brought back by the sudden need for his mom's warm touch, for his dad's stern talking-to. How many times had they warned him not to wander out after sunset, and never behind the barn where the ground was known to be treacherous?

How could he have been stupid enough to do it on the one evening his parents were out? Would they ever forgive him?

Please God, please. Please let my parents come back and find me. Please God. I'll never do it again.

Please God. I'll be good. Please God.

Still sobbing, he looked up through the opening, willing the clouds to move away from the moon.

Surely, that would make it easier for God to hear.


Scott said...

Oh man, this is my biggest nightmare come true. Heartbreaking too that it's about a kid.

bekbek said...

Horrifying. This taps into a healthy fear bred of all those "farm accident" cautionary films we were shown in school when I was a kid. Ugh!

Well done!

Joni said...

Terrifying. Scarier to me than the murder ones because it's a fear I can relate to. So sad. Love the ending.

Funny sidenote though, the kid I kept picturing was a scrawny curly-haired redhead because of the Rafe on Survivor a couple of seasons back. LOL

briliantdonkey said...

Good story, nice descriptions.

"Surely, that would make it easier for God to hear"

I really liked that line.


Anonymous said...

This actually reminds me a Rescue 911 call I saw several years ago. A terrifying thought to think of a child trapped underground like that.

anna said...

I too can't think of anything more scary than a child trapped like that. I can relate to his not wanting to feel his leg to see how bad it really is. Yikes!
good stuff!

anne frasier said...

what emotion and energy! you conveyed his panic and fear so well.

the last line was great.

good job!

Marcail said...

A child's nightmare-- finding out that the parent's were right after all.

Nice last line.

Anonymous said...

The story moved realistically. I like how you ended the "happily ever after" ending ...but room for one. One never knows in life how it is going to go. Good story.

Bhaswati said...

The tension in this piece is so raw and palpable. I was there with the kid, rooting for him. Oh, the agony of disobeying parents just once and having to pay for it. Well done!

Bernita said...

You put us in his head...
Well done.

Anonymous said...

You did a great job giving the voice a child's perspective. The opening lines were brilliant! Great hook. Good marks overall.