Thursday, November 15, 2007

Nami's Lullaby

(I'd never ask you to do something I wouldn't take a crack at myself! Here's my own interpretation of the "Restless Dawn" photo. In the meantime, keep those Readers' Choice votes coming!)

Nami's Lullaby
by Jason Evans

Dawn's light burned on the bedroom wall. Unable to sleep for weeks, Nami watched the embers grow.

Her body brimmed. It was a molten power, flowing from her skin. It encircled the island of her husband's breaths beside her.

The red ignited. Time to go.

She crept down the stairs, and gravity sipped her footfalls like nectar on cracked lips. Outside, dew on the grass baptized her. She spread her arms to the sky's crimson cathedral. The Earth was waking. She felt its confusion.

Her heartbeat stilled the air.

Hushed the world to....


The power roared. Exploded from her in all directions.

Behind the distortion, tree trunks corrected microscopically. The burble of streams smoothed, earthworms turned in their tunnels, and the clouds sketched perfect geometries.

She sang to the wave. The melody of Earthquakes. Lightning. Of land eroding into the sea. Across the globe, Nami's lullaby swept through bedrock and deep ocean currents. It tuned the molecules, and the ancient Earth harmonies emerged. The resonance lifted her.

Until she touched it.

An impenetrable blackness on a far off continent.

A chaos. Destruction's womb.

She faltered.

She heard rushing. Rumbling.


The wind reversed, and the answering wave hit her. She flailed and crashed to the ground.

The perfection shook from soil and stone. The harmonies shattered. Disorder returned.

Something was down there where the Earth turned toward night.

She felt its faceless thoughts.


And its eternal resolve to stop her.


Jaye Wells said...

Wow, Jason. I really liked the metaphysical twist on this one.

The Quoibler said...

Stirring, beautiful, and sad. I loved it.


SzélsőFa said...

I keep returning to reading it.

Sarah Hina said...

Very powerful. I loved the duality of "the earthworms turned in their tunnels," and later, "the Earth turned toward night." Fantastic play between light and dark, order and chaos.

You paint a vivid canvas, Jason.

Aine said...

I love that Nami's power is described as music. A powerful form of energy that penetrates cells and carries emotion.

My favorite line is "Her heartbeat stilled the air." As if the earth recognizes who she is, her power.

Thanks for bringing her to life-- she has the potential to become one of my all-time favorites! ;)

Unknown said...

Delicious, your writing is like a fine meal. My compliments to the chef! I think I'll have the same for dessert, thanks.

Precie said...

Wonderfully mythological!

Terri said...

Wow. I think I'm going to come back to this one. Powerful imagery.

Chris Eldin said...

An enchantress with an earthy lullaby. I think this would make an endearing children's 'good-nite' book.
I absolutely loved this!!

Ello - Ellen Oh said...

Very nice! (That's with my Borat accent.) You have such a way with words. It is such a pleasure to read.

chong y l said...

Just a quiet WoW! Restless dawn to dying dusk?:)

Anonymous said...

Jaye, I couldn't resist taking a little stroll here. This theme is from my upcoming WIP. Nami is going to be a central character.

Angelique, much appreciated. I liked the euphoria of realizing what you're born to do, but then discovering it won't be as easy as you thought. :)

Szelsofa, hopefully it isn't packed with too much. I'm not sure I could fit any more meat into the word count. The point here was to set up a tension, to show the nature of a larger conflict.

Sarah, order versus chaos, yes, that is the crux of what this story will become. Nami is a healer, but the world also evolves through destruction. They are eternal enemies. (Thanks for the kind words!)

Aine, I'm looking forward to building this story too. I think we will be able to pour much of our insights into it.

Electic Orchid Hunter, for such a fine guest as yourself, dessert is on the house! Seriously, thanks for the enouragement.

Precie, thank you. :)

Terri, definitely one of my poetry/prose mixes. Glad you enjoyed it. :)

Church Lady, An enchantress with an earthy lullaby.... Exactly! This is part of a larger story I'm contemplating. But I can't tackle it until I finish my WIP.

Ello, I liked weaving the unusual descriptions with the notion of Earth-tuning/healing. Definitely fun to write.

Desiderata, yes, opposites--light and dark, order and chaos. Thanks for the feedback!

raine said...

Oh, my. A powerful piece.
Your choice of words are both lyrical and hard-hitting, Jason.

Scott from Oregon said...

"Her body brimmed. It was a molten power, flowing from her skin. It encircled the island of her husband's breaths beside her.

The red ignited. Time to go.

She crept down the stairs, and gravity sipped her footfalls like nectar on cracked lips. Outside, dew on the grass baptized her. She spread her arms to the sky's crimson cathedral. The Earth was waking. She felt its confusion.

Her heartbeat stilled the air."

Maybe it's just me, but none of this block made any sense. Sure, it SOUNDED really cool. But taking the words for what they are, I mean... come on...

Bodies don't "brim". Not all by themselves. Power isn't "molten". It has no physicality. Breaths aren't islands. Not even metaphorically. Not without really stretching the whole notion of a metaphor.

Gravity sipped her footfalls like nectar on cracked lips? WTF? I mean, THINK about that for a second...

Dew baptized her? Really? You mean a priest ws there while her feet got wet?

Crimson cathedral? Are you SURE it was a cathedral and not a mosque? How could you tell?

You can feel earth's confusion? Who knew?

A heartbeat "stilled" the air? I don't see how?

I don't mean to rip, but, holy cow!

All I can say is pass the duchee and far out, man...

SzélsőFa said...

Scott must be joking.
While a 'brimming body' was a bit uhm...poetic for me, I accepted it nevertheless, but
being baptized by dew is one of the greates expressions Jason ever wrote (among those I've read, that is).
And your debate on the temple being a 'cathedral' or a 'mosque'. this was the worst joke.
A temple is a sacred place.
And Nature is just as fine a temple as any, built by any man of any faith.
Only that Nature's are better and truer, more original.
/I'm sorry it it seems a rant, though.../

Precie said...

Baptism doesn't require a priest's presence.

Human bodies can brim with feeling. Mythical bodies can brim with whatever the heck they want.

Ok...SzélsőFa covered the other points well so I'll just stop here.

Anonymous said...

Raine, thanks. :) I thought a lyrical feel would fit this theme well.

Scott, I appreciate the feeback, but if you were commenting on any other piece than mine, I would have had a talk with you. Surely you can make your points without statements like "WTF." Anyway, I suppose for you the fantasy nature of this story didn't come across. Yes, she literally is filled with power, and yes, the Earth literally senses her. It's meant to be a lyrical magic. You didn't dig it, that's fine.

Szelsofa, thanks for the reply. :)

Anonymous said...

Precie, thanks for the reply too.

Chris Eldin said...

Scott, I generally appreciate the comments you post on other blogs, so I'm giving you some leeway here.

These contest are meant to be creative and stretch your imagination. And commenters are to leave positive feedback, if they like a piece, or just a quick comment on something they don't understand. It's not a crapometer or anything like that.

It's a fun exercise. One photo has sparked so many different ideas. And it's not easy. Try the next contest.

As for Jason's--I'm not into the fantasy genre, but I got what you were doing. And I thought it was beautiful.

Beth said...

I am not into fantasy or poetry, but there were some good phrases in this one, Jason.

I had other comments ready to type, but stupidly read the comments first and Scott's really threw me for a loop. Just so uncalled for and outright mean.

Anonymous said...

Jason, there is something about you, your poems, writtings, that just turns me on...
You are special!

The Anti-Wife said...

I thought the writing was beautiful and very lyrical but I really didn't understand the story or what Nami was doing.

Vesper said...

Beautiful images, Jason, poetic and very strong. It's an intriguing piece - one has to learn more about it. Nami means "wave" in Japanese - did you choose the name deliberately?

Anonymous said...

Church Lady, thanks. I think the spirit fostered here is an important reason why folks enter and enjoy these contests.

Beth, it's alright. Like Church Lady, I'll give the benefit of the doubt.

Angela, wow, I don't think I've received a compliment quite like that before. Thanks!

Anti-Wife, fair enough. Without the word count limit, I would need to give a lot more to help get the story across.

Vesper, yes!! Great catch. Nami is a special force in a story about two important people. She has the power to correct the world out of balance. Her power moves like a wave.

AngelConradie said...

fork... i tried to leave a comment... i loved this piece dude, absolutely amazing!!!