Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Entry #2

The Fog
by Mystico

1000 hrs: Finding Target Area

The day was calm, the sky was azure, and a special freshness hung in the air, except for a thin mist. Such wonderful weather was rare in 2164.

1100 hrs: Target located

The field, being a lush spot in the country, was chosen for Independence Day ceremonies that year, the day The United States defeated the German invasion in World War Three.

1200 hrs: Scanning Target Area

It was noon. The field was packed, with everyone waiting with bated breath for President Jodhpurs’ speech. The mist could not spoil their day.

1300 hrs: Results Promising. Prepare Soran Ray for Harvesting

The inspiring talk, during which the mist started thickening, was over; celebrations could begin. As Jodhpurs lit the firecrackers, parties started immediately. No fog could deter that joyous mood.

1400 hrs: Charging up Soran Ray. Send soldiers to guard area

A strange zapping sound came from within the fog. No one paid attention—till many heavily-armored guards armed with cruel looking blades and menacing laser weapons emerged.

1401 hrs: Soran Ray ready for Harvest

No one moved. They knew they were powerless against these people.

1403 hrs: Activate Ray and energy harvesters

Suddenly, a huge cannon appeared above the Americans. All the armed guards disappeared. Almost at the same time, before anyone could do more than scream, the cannon sent out a great flare. Nothing survived.

1405 hrs: Retreat to stratosphere

As the fog dissipated, a barren yellow land remained.

And one lonely, withered tree.


Sarah Hina said...

Intriguing apocalyptic interpretation. The landscape of your final image definitely suits the photo. That's some tree!

Entertaining take, Mystico. I'm sorry we didn't make it, though. ;)

rel said...

History repeating, but with a switcheroo! Only a tree survives to tell the story. The point is made strongest by the last two sentences!

Anonymous said...

Thanks for reading my story!
Sarah, it actually isn't Armageddon I'm thinking about
remiman, Yes you got my point!
Thanks again!

paisley said...

i have a sinking feeling we will just slaughter each other and ourselves as slowly and painfully as possible... but you never know... very interesting format....

Anonymous said...

This is excellent, especially with the log-entry-style prose.

Chris Eldin said...

Very creative! I like the tie-in to the tree, as well as the time sequencing.

Jaye Wells said...

I like the format and the way you imply a big back story without hitting us over the head with it.

Bernita said...

"Harvesting" is such a great foreboding word in the context.

DBA Lehane said...

With hindsight the Americans should have built their hardware from wood! ;)

Beth said...

I'm a person who keeps a journal, so I like the style of this ... even with only one tree remaining.

Missy said...

Ah, the photo does have an eerie radioactive glow to it. I really enjoyed the juxtaposition of the rigid sequencing and the fluid prose. Good tale!

PJD said...


Missy, I also noticed the eerie glow on the tree. It's intrigued me.

An interesting approach, using the tree as a lone survivor, imagining what was all around it just moments before.

Anonymous said...

Yes, thanks everyone for posting comments on my story.
paisley, no one ever knows when a catastrophe happens.
jlb, the log style is actually the alien's computer displaying instructions.But I expect you know that.
christin , the time sequencing does give one a doomsday feel, doesn't it?
bernita, the 'harvesting ' is a energy harvest from organic material, so I actually don't agree much with you, dbalehane. Sorry.
Beth, actually I never had a journal! Maybe I should start one to improve my writing skills.
Oh wow! You do have an observant eye, missy.
pjd, that could be my writing style...but actually I am not used to writing flashbacks.
Thank you everyone for your kind words!

pattinase (abbott) said...

I don't read sci fi at all so this was a nice change for me. All too likely, isn' it?

Unknown said...

Wow, this is a very dramatic and powerful piece of writing - it is the starkness of the telling that makes it so. Really well done!

SzélsőFa said...

What I especially liked was that the unknown force from space has no political preference.
It just gathers 'energy'.
Quite powerful.

BernardL said...

Thought provoking fun read.

Anonymous said...

Oooo - nice change-up. I like how the story is told through two different points of view simultaneously. Real versus've made a powerful point there. Now I know to run if I find myself in an eerie fog! Nicely written.

Anonymous said...

Actually, I wrote this sci-fi as I noticed there has been almost no pieces with that genre inthe past competitions. Anyway, this is the first time that I have participated, so I am really appreciative of all you guys' comments. They have been extremely encouraging for a 13-year old writer!

Unknown said...

interesting interpretation

JaneyV said...

All wars are insignificant when measured against the total annihilation of the human race from an alien invader.

Brilliant concept. Nice to see a bit of Sci-fi here too.

The breadth of this competition astounds me.

Very well done.

Anonymous said...

Hold it.

You're 13?

I quit.

(Can my kids come study under you?)

Linda Peters said...

I love the ending, with or without the photo. Great job.

Victor Bravo Monchego, Jr said...

Nice break from the pack. Good innovation and risk taking. Thank you!

Anonymous said...

Yes,janeyv I totally agree. This piece can be said to be dedicated to the makers of AVP!
Woah, woah, woah I'm too honored by your recognition. If you don't believe my age, you can check out my school, NUS High School of Maths and Science. I'm h0810064
I really have nothing to say except a big Thank You to both of you, linda and victor. As you can see, I didn't win anything so I reckon my writing definitely needs to be improved.

Anonymous said...

I like the efficient exposition of this future moment. Scene setting can be so hard in sci-fi. The final vision is chilling.

Aine said...

Yikes! Very creative explanation of the lone tree. I'm amazed that you're 13-- keep writing!

Anonymous said...

Thank you very much, jason and aine, for reading my humble piece! Yes, I was introduced to this contest by my English teacher, and of course i Look forward to more exciting chances to write in the future!
P.S. Dear jason, I wonder if you could take time out for another piece I've written. I was just looking at the photo for "Restless Dawn"(contest was over already) and I decided to write the piece on impulse. If you agree, thank you!