"I'm not going to fuck you," she said, glaring at him through raccoon-black eyeliner.
He choked. "W-what?"
"I am not going to fuck you."
He tripped a step backward. "That's, um...."
She stayed frozen.
"...good to know."
He yanked his gaze over to the automatic doors.
What the hell? Did he look at her wrong?
He peeked. The raccoon eyes narrowed.
"I really wasn't going there," he said. "But thanks."
She picked up the bread, and the conveyor belt dragged everything forward.
"What do you call these?" she said, thrusting out a produce bag.
"Artichokes."
"What are they for?"
"You, um, steam them," he said. "You eat the leaves by scraping them with your teeth. The heart is excellent."
She wrinkled her nose.
Or not.
Behind him, the gentle sound of metal stacking on metal clicked. He turned to see a mouse scurry around a dude building a display of canned mushrooms.
It shot down the next aisle and triggered the automatic doors. The darting shape curved off into the sleepy street noises.
"This is a pretty weird grocery store," he said. "The lady at the deli told me about all her menopause periods. She pointed to the trashcan and said she runs through like a dozen maxi-pads a day."
No reaction from the cashier.
"I'm not sure I want to eat the chipped ham now."
"I've never had a period," she said.
He nodded a few times.
She dropped a bag of apples on top of his Wonder Bread.
He shrugged and handed her the twenty.
23 comments:
Is this your way of telling Aine you don't like to go grocery shopping? ;-)
Weird, whacky, and funny!!
Uhm?
I wonder if people actually tell about things like that to complete strangers... I bet they do. Sometimes even I do. Mwah-hah-hah.
god i hope this is a dream....
For some reason--and even though the whole thing was very quirky and dryly funny--my favorite line was, "What are they for?" Like she was even suspicious of those artichokes' motives...
And dump the ham, Jason. Not worth the risk. ;)
So funny Jason! There's this cashier at the supermarket I used to go to who commented on everything she put through the scanner.
"Condoms? Wine? Where's the orgy and am I invited?"
That sort of thing! She really cheered me up!
Can't wait for the Menopause!
Remind me not to shop there :-D
lol @ janeyv
Remind me not to shop there - ever! :-D
My favourite line?
"She dropped a bag of apples on top of his Wonder Bread."
Hello. I like your blog very much. I like your style. I promise to come back.
girlwiththemask x
How could you not love a story that begins with that first line?
Jason: I'm wondering too, was this a dream?
www.mypoeticpath.wordpress.com
Oh...My...the F-word...That can catch the most uninterested to be interested ;-)
loved it!
Grabbed my attention from the f-f-first sentence, and never let go. Love the writing. Yeah, people sometimes blurt out the weirdest stuff to me and I have a hell of a time trying to keep my face neutral. Been told I don't succeed.
Popped by to let you know that author/literary agent/writing coach Orna Ross will be stopping by my blog on Sunday 18th, (that's a few hours away) and will answer any questions left in the comment trail. You're welcome to drop in!
Well, f-luck me! or not, as they case may be.
Too funny!
Chris, ha! You're on to me. ;)
Szelsofa, I've definitely had some strange things said to me.
Paisley, for some strange reason, this scene popped into my head. I decided to capture it.
Sarah, yeah, those artichokes are very suspicious. :) The ham had to go.
Janey, that sounds like a fun grocery store! Party indeed.
Miladysa, someone told me a true version of the mouse story. I bet that was fun to watch.
Girl with the Mask, welcome! I'm happy to have landed on your blog. I look forward to future visits!
Jaye, no one can resist it, I hope. ;)
Geraldine, weirdly, it was a daydream. Maybe I need more sleep!
Fancy, hopefully not too shocking.
Anne, I could see this store in a back corner of Tuonela.
Wordtryst, thanks! I'll try to stop over.
Aggie, LOL! I'm sure that guy couldn't wait to get out of there.
I loved this! Found it a little dark and scary, noir-like. You know, great.
Patricia, thanks! That's exactly what I was going for. The novel that I'm working on is somewhat like this in style and tone.
Boy, I felt sorry for that grocery store clerk, lol! Great story.
This cracked me up. I think I've shopped at this store... though no one has ever accused me of trying to have sex with them.
My only question: What's a guy who's buying artichokes doing with a loaf of Wonder Bread?
Angelique
P.S. I'll bet she pockets the twenty. :) -AHC
Ok - this felt like a modern Twilight Zone type of moment. But I found it strangely real because there really are these strange folks out there. Very interesting!
Deborah, definitely a strange place.
Scott, oh man, that was too real.
Angelique, he's an eclectic sort of guy. ;)
Ello, that's a good way to describe it. I saw it like an alternate realty. Taking a walk on the wild side.
LMAO not only at that store but at this comment stream! I definitely got a "we're not in Kansas anymore" kind of vibe. Great atmosphere! Great weird characters!
And I'm pretty sure I would NOT eat anything from that store! LOL!
Love this. The surprise factor is excellent, and it ends on a great note.
excellent job on this. Good to see that you are staying busy with your writing. As a bartender for years I can tell you people wont hesitate to tell you the wierdest of things.
BD
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