Thursday, July 10, 2008

Entry #2

Running away
by Mystico

He gunned the engine. Its loud roar kept him sane.

He had been fired that day.

“What type of attitude is this? Others complete in three days while you can’t with two weeks! Now our most important clients are getting ready to sue us! Do I have to account for your mistakes?” Every word pierced his heart like shards of ice.

The fateful letter came to him a day later. As he packed up, all he heard were scornful sniggers.
Bad deeds are proclaimed for hundreds of miles. He came to the restaurant, only to see his long time girlfriend striding off, red hair swinging, never caring to look back, never bothering to listen to his helpless, garbled explanation. The waiter in his spotless white suit came over respectfully holding the menu. He threw the red rose into the bin, its freshness seeming to mock him in every possible way.

Maybe it really was his lack of ability. The thought weighed him down, drawing him in like a black hole he was never destined to escape from. Ever since he had left his hometown, he was always unable to shake off the sense of… Loneliness? Inferiority?

He gunned the engine harder. He felt respite, relief and… glee?

The car came head on.

Both gave scant notice to the passerby.

As his lifeblood flowed away, he recognized the crimson patch in front of him, its face almost wrecked.

Even at death, he could never run away.


JaneyV said...

How sad that his last thoughts were of failure. Mystico I think you captured the insidious cycle of loserdom here. This poor guy couldn't catch a break! The fish out of water constantly feeling displaced…

Bad deeds are proclaimed for hundreds of miles.

What a great line - there's no escape. Nice job.

Sarah Hina said...

I'm with Janey--that is a great line. Self-loathing is a persistent rider.

His despair really cuts through here. I think you captured the sense of brief euphoria that can come for some right before suicide. But that his last thought was still of failure makes his particularly poignant.

Strong writing, and character building. Great job!

Sameera Ansari said...

Sometimes,it's just not possible to get over it.

A very poignant piece there!

Anonymous said...

Good hook with the firing. Interesting conflict with the rejection and a definte closure. A very sad, but well written piece. Nice work.

BernardL said...

Riveting... but yikes!

Chris Eldin said...

Sad but compelling look at a character I don't want to pity, yet I do. Very nicely done!

Beth said...

Really strong, good writing. I don't want to feel compassion for him, but I do.

Anonymous said...

Thank you everyone, for such encouraging comments, especially as this piece was written spontaneously on a train ride home!
Janey, sarah and sameera, yes, I'm sorry to say that you can't run away from everything.
Sharon, bernard and charles, thank you!
Chriseldin and beth, thank you as well. Yes, this character was created to invoke such ambivalent feelings.

Anonymous said...

I felt his hopelessness.

I esp. liked:

He threw the red rose into the bin, its freshness seeming to mock him in every possible way.

Nice job. KLG

Esther Avila said...

So poignant. You can't help but feel the despair. It touched me.
So sad, but ...Good work, KLG.

laughingwolf said...

dang, not a pleasant end....

Aine said...

Ouch! Very insightful piece. Low self-esteem and depression are difficult to read about. I like that it wasn't a happy ending.

Anonymous said...

Easy to be snapped by a tragedy when the weight of the world is so heavy. I wonder if in some way it was a relief.