Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Entry #7

Getting Free
by Lena

“Get out!”


“I said, get out…”


“I thought I just told you to get out of that bed and get me some breakfast.”

Mary obediently dragged herself out of the bed and headed for the bathroom.
Each day of her thirteen years long life was like this.
Breakfast for the usually drunken father.
School in the mornings. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping in the afternoons.

Mary didn’t remember her mother. As her only heirloom she had a withered photo of a woman holding a baby. That picture had always invigorated her immensely.

On some “peaceful”, read not drunk, days she dared to ask her dad about the photograph, but the only answer she ever got was that her mother had left them few weeks after giving birth.

Those were the memories that cropped up the moment when the twenty-five year old Mary saw her father in front of her house.

Those and… more. Years of humiliation. Months filled with fear and terror.

She looked at him with a gracious smile.

“Get out!”


“I said, get out…”


“I thought I just told you to get out of my life and never show up at my door.”

With these words she slammed the door on his face and ran upstairs into her room. There she took the faded picture, touched it gently, kissed it and smiled through tears.

She was shivering, but she was happy… She finally moved on, she rose above… She was free. She ascended.


Geraldine said...

You've written a story that brings my own entry to mind. Like your take on this prompt very much. Also the short, clipped sentences are very effective. Well done.

BernardL said...

Life has consequences.

peggy said...

short and to the point, good work!

Anonymous said...

Good choices are possible even after alot of years in between. Too true.

Sarah Hina said...

I think she can empathize with her mother like no one else could. I'm glad she could break free from his twisted clutches. And I liked the switched control as demonstrated by the dialogue. Great, inventive approach!

JaneyV said...

I like the way the dialogue cycled around like the motion of the escalator. Using the dialogue to mirror the prompt is a lovely touch.

Your piece is so simple yet powerful. Very nice.

Anonymous said...

Very satisfying story. Great last sentence :)


Anil Sawan said...

wow!! strong words. beautiful way to end the story. short and direct. luvd it :)

Anonymous said...

I like that she finally decide she didn't need him anymore, great story

laughingwolf said...

well done, lena :)

Anonymous said...

I like that she was strong enough to take back control of her life. Well done.

K.Lawson Gilbert said...

Good for her. Well told.

Ruinwen Dagorielle said...

I loved the clever allusion to the escalator in this piece. I was cheering for Mary in the end. :)

Sameera Ansari said...

As I have said before,that was beautiful! :)

Rachel Green said...

Empowering :)

Anonymous said...

I really like the style of this one - nicely written

Anonymous said...

It's sad that most people hit the bottle when grieving and can't crawl out and then they become abusive. It's good to see backbone in the abused. Well written.

Patsy said...

I really like the way you've circled round with the repeated (albeit reversed)dialogue.

Glad she found the courage to get away.

JR's Thumbprints said...

Ah yes, what comes around, goes around.

Lena said...

@ Geraldine: thank a lot :)
@ BernardL: it sure does.
@ Peggy: thanks!
@ Aggie: unless we are strong enough to make them :)
@ Sarah: I'm glad she did it, too :) thank you for your appreciation :)
@ JaneyV: thanks a lot!!
@ strugglingwriter: glad you liked it :)
@ anil: i know you did!! thanks :)
@ lissa: thank you. I am glad she finally took the decision :)
@ laughingwolf: thank you :)
@ Wattersedge: I am glad you liked it , thank you :)
@ K.Lawson Gilbert: it sure is. thank you :)
@ Ruinwen: thanks a lot for your kind words :)
@ Sami: thanks dear :)
@ Leatherdykeuk: I am glad you think so :)
@ Aerin: thank you very much :)
@ Kim: yes, thats true, some cant handle the pain and grief and end up having the bottle their own friend. It is sure good for her that she finally escaped!
@ Patsy: thank you. i am happy you liked my story :)
@ JR's Thumbprints: it definitely does :)

Sen said...

nicely written...very visual...loved the last line...

ceedy said...

Yes she has ascended and it takes courage to finally say it...

godd one there :)

Vesper said...

What a turn! It’s good to read about justice. Well done!

RiverSoul said...

Beautifully written, Lena.
As always, you've conjured up a story thats inspired many more others.
Loved this story.

The word liberation comes to mind when i read this one
Gr8 work

Lena said...

@ Senorita: thank you :)
@ Ceedy: yup, requires a lot of courage. Thanks!
@ Vesper: :) glad you liked it. Thanks :)
@ Sid: thanks a lot! Glad you enjoyed the story :)

Kunjal said...

hi Lena, I love the ending:)
nice inspiring story.

BrownPhantom said...

This inspires me to yell "Get out" at some people and many situations . GET OUT ..
It felt good :).

PJD said...

The beginning sequence reminded me (in an emotional sense) of the beginning of Secret Life of Bees. While I like this very much, it seems like maybe it's trying to do too much in 250 words. You might want to expand it and give it the room it needs to reach its potential.

Obscure Optimist said...

Awesome piece :)

Hiren said...

splendid ... you have related the story to the real essence of the picture "Ascension" and not just to the escalators in the picture ... thats great !!! Liked your narration very much ... the way you have used 13 and 25 yrs and tried to show the gal's gradual build up of the urge to break free from the suffering and distress of many years ... really nice.

Esther Avila said...

Nicely done - mirroring the words at the beginning at the end - turning the table around and taking control. Wow. Simple and powerful. Every word counted.

kunal said...

i have commented on ur blog too on this post.. its really a good small story of chasing back to be free.

thanks for ur comments on my post too. becaus of u i came to know about such a beautiful place in this blogworld.

David Cranmer said...

Beautifully written!

Scott said...

Bravo that she was able to break free. Some people accept the role of victim for a lifetime.

Aniket Thakkar said...

Oh she should of done somethings to him like the teenage chick did in that another story out here (am sure you've read it... You've read them all :-D ) but am glad she moved out in time! :P

I too have read most of the posts out here... and your comments have been among the sweetest and most appreciative all along on almost every post! :-D It really means a lot to us newbies! Can't thank you enough! Will be watching your blog closely! :-D

Anonymous said...

Nice Story
i like the whole story nicely composed

Lena said...

@ Kunjal: thank you :)
@BrownPhantom: you seriously yelled "get out"? now those people must hate me :D
@ pjd: well.. maybe.. but then i guess once can really imagine the details missed here, i thought i gave enough hints. Maybe should make a bigger story out of this one :)
@Yamini: thank you :)
@ Hiren: than you very much for such wonderful feedback. Am glad you liked it!
@kunal: am glad you participated. keep writing!
@ david: thank you :)
@ Scott: yup, some people never find courage to break free. Am glad Mary did.
@ September: thank you. Really appreciate such warm words.
@ Aniket: umm... she is sweet and nice.. she only slammed the door :D
and come on, who says i am more than a newbie here. We all are getting experience :) See you around.
@ Umesh: first, glad you read it. second, glad you liked it. third, glad you commented :P Really glad. Thank you :)

Terry said...

Lena, you skillfully created a vivid picture about the circle of life. I thought your transition from the 13-year-old Mary to the adult Mary was done really well. This is a story that you might think about developing, you tell it with such clarity. Great interpretation.

Catherine Vibert said...

Nice writing. It would be really hard to slam the door in the face of ones own father, abusive or not, but I'm glad, really glad she did.

Aniket Thakkar said...

I have written a scary movie of sorts on Ascension.... do read it when you get time!

You are a character in it as well! :-D

Margaret said...

Great to see that Mary finally found the courage & strength to break free from her Father.

Very well written. Well done.

bluesugarpoet said...

I also like how you brought it back around at the end, too. Great to see the heroine find her courage. :)


Lena said...

@ Terry: yup, might develop this one into something bigger, lets see :) Thank you for your appreciation :)
@ Catvibe: yes, it takes a lot of courage, but I am glad she did it.
@ Aniket: glad and happy to be the character in your scenario :) Enjoyed the read for sure!
@ Margaret: it sure takes time to gain the strength and courage to do this. Glad she freed herself. Thank you :)
@ Jana: Thanks a lot :)

Anonymous said...

Thanks for being a wonderful part of the contest!