Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Entry #74

That Day
by McKoala

The revolving doors sucked me into the lobby. The tap of my black heels on the polished floor dissolved into the rumble of hundreds of black heels, following invisible trails to the escalator.

Every morning I looked at black heels on the escalator step in front of me. Not today. Today I looked at blue jeans, frayed at the hems. And feet. Bare. A dragonfly among the ants.

'Would you like to get out of here?' I didn't look up, but I knew who had spoken. Grains of sand clung to the frayed fabric at the bottom of his jeans. I wanted to feel them between my fingers.

'I can't.' The escalator rolled on under my feet, propelling me up to the grey-walled cubicles and the piles of paper I fed to the squatting computer.

'Why not?'

I breathed in and smelt not deodorant and aftershave, but salt and earth. I looked up, into the eyes of the stranger, and they were full of gold.

At the end of the day he left me sitting, barefoot, on a beach without a name. Muscles slipped under the skin of his naked back as he walked away. I watched him until I couldn't see the muscles any more, couldn't see the difference between jeans and skin, couldn't see the silhouette of a man.

I looked down at the track his feet had left. One large round circle and four smaller ones; a trail of paw prints stretching across the sand.


Sameera Ansari said...

Ooh!That was intriguing.Nice surreal take :)

Anonymous said...

interesting...very descriptive writng!

Lena said...

that was surely an interesting take. Nicely done!

laughingwolf said...

oh you devil, mc :O lol

JR's Thumbprints said...

Nice way of showing how an escalator can transport you to another place and time.

JaneyV said...

Where to start McK? I loved the imagery at the beginning of all the black heels scattering across to floor like ants. So strong. And among all the drones comes this enigma - the barefooted man on blue jeans, smelling all earthy appealing to the animal within.
I thought it was freakin' fabulous. Girl you know how to write. ;0)

BernardL said...

Mysterious and descriptive at the same time.

Sarah Hina said...

What a wonderful evolution, even as your mc embraces a more primitive side. I loved the mystical feel here, McKoala, and the reminder to embrace our earthy side. That last image, in a piece filled with powerful ones, is a beaut. :)

Really enjoyed the purity of your story. Just lovely!

SzélsőFa said...

Where exactly this escalator is, pleeease??

PJD said...

You really accomplished the feeling of being an ant in a giant colony at the beginning. It's what I was thinking before you mentioned the dragonfly line.

Does that last image describe the footprint of a koala? If not, should I be shocked?

Esther Avila said...

Ohhh..I like this. I am glad she went. Great imagery - so many of us just follow day after day to our cubicle of our working world.
I cheered for her and loved the peaceful serenity you portrayed....so different from the first one - cubicle after cubicle dog eats man type of world.
Good work.

Meghan said...

Grains of sand clung to the frayed fabric at the bottom of his jeans. I wanted to feel them between my fingers.

Love that. Very well done!

Scott said...

Wonderfully descriptive prose.

Catherine Vibert said...

Nice job. I love the escape and I want to be her sitting there on that beach with no name. Loved the paw prints.

bluesugarpoet said...

Nothing like ditching the drone of the hill in order to heed the call of the wild. Well crafted imagery, here, from start to finish. Loved it!


Anonymous said...

Congratulations on the honorable mention!

Great job with pacing, entertainment value, technical skill, storytelling, and voice! And welcome to the Forties Club!!

Thanks for being a wonderful part of the contest.