Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Entry #129

by Gughan

The lone fire showcased the swirling silent ballet of the blood red content of the fiasco. A sip would be nice. He mustered all of his remaining energy. In a few moments, he had broken into the sangrine passage.


“Never.. Ever..”

“leave his side”, he cut his brother’s sentence.

“And remember..”

“I will.”

..the real battle is tonight.”


In one precise swish of his sword, he found his first battle victim. His blades raged swift and sure through the sea of aerble fighters, snuffing out lives.


He snaked down the passage carefully. His heart was thumping.


His powerful tongue flew five feet forward, to move the bush out of view. At the first sight of the flower, he sprang forward. His father needs medicine.


The half made skeleton of the cathedral loomed large over the insufficient number of plytens building it. When the caged cart passed by, they all came together to look. The whiplash cracked through their murmurs and sent them back to work.




“You’ll talk... prince.” he hissed.


His tongue reached the end of the passage, carefully wound around his heart. And squeezed.
He savored every one of the infinite flashes of pain. His heart thudded against the tightening alien constraint.

He watched the swirls slow down… until the liquid was completely still. He released his grip and closed his eyes.


Glass clanking...

Cork popping...

A sip would be nice indeed.


JR's Thumbprints said...

Sometimes there's more to it than just reading the passage.

Catherine Vibert said...

I wish I knew what sangrine meant. This piece was difficult for me to understand. I know it had something to do with aliens, battles, and wine, but beyond that this one is over my head. Not sure if I haven't had enough coffee or what. However, I enjoyed many of your sentences and descriptions.

laughingwolf said...

well honed... love it!

Gughan said...

The guy is supposed to be killing himself so that he wouldn't divulge info about his people's planned surprise attack on the enemy.

JR, thanks for the comment. I am not sure whether it is the effect of me reading this write up again, but I don't know what to make of your comment. Agree, I suppose.

Catvibe, I see (sadly, only now) some ambiguity in the write up. So, don't go hard on yourself. Thanks for your kind comments.

laughingwolf, you just made my day! Glad you liked it!

Ranee Kaur Banerjee said...

Dense work, Gughan. I had to read it thrice before I got a handle on it. I've found I love the sinuous alliteration of your first line.

Deb S said...

This was a good change of pace. Nice job. 'A sip of wine would be nice'

BernardL said...

Tough message in a short piece. Good one.

PJD said...

I enjoyed this like I imagine a deadhead might enjoy an acid trip. No idea what was going on or why, but I enjoyed the ride.

Aniket Thakkar said...

Like Cat this one went over my head. But I got the message you were trying to convey once I read your comment.

I enjoyed reading it the second time.

JaneyV said...

Although I was confused I did enjoy the fast pace and I felt that the confusion was part of the action. It did feel like an exciting roller coaster ride.

Esther Avila said...

definitely interesting - and though I didn't fully understand it at first, was able to understand more after reading your comments about it. Not my genre, Gughan, yet it was captivating in its own strange way. "He savored every one of his infinite flashes of pain" -- there is beauty in your writing even when it's disturbing. I also like the way you repeated "A sip would be nice indeed" at the end - it ties it all together. Nice work.

Anonymous said...

I feel like these are mental images made under duress. Maybe torture. Intriguing technique.