Saturday, July 11, 2009

Entry #51

by Peter Davidson

I slipped the ring from my finger before we met. Another hotel, more business, a little pleasure and my invitation accepted with a knowing smile. After dinner our glasses touched and the crystal sang, her laughter fading along with the sound, distilling the moment into a silence filled with ...

"It's been a great evening, Chris, but I can't do this."

... false expectation.

"Not even a coffee?"

"Not a chance, honey," she laughed, and started to rise.

I took her hand, pulling her gently back. She sighed and sat down.

"A coffee, nothing more, I promise." My eyes were open and as honest as a puppy's.

I watched her play with her wine glass, trailing her fingers along its stem.

"Chris, I'm too tempted."

"And you'd hate yourself in the morning, is that it?"

She smiled that knowing smile again, but her eyes were hard when they met mine.

"Yes, but more importantly, I'd hate you."


"For being who you are. For seducing me into wanting this."

She was no longer looking at me and her fingers had stopped teasing the glass stem. I followed her stare. A shimmering ruby image projected through the wine by the evening sunlight danced over my fingers. It highlighted my left hand where a pale band of skin, worn into my third finger, glowed red.

"And for being married to my sister."


Laurel said...

Excellent! I learned about the "tan line" trick when I was a babe in the woods waiting tables. Nice detail.

Laurel said...

PS: Great title for this piece!

laughingwolf said...

very well done...

JR's Thumbprints said...

I was thrown with that last bit of dialogue, but I agree with Laurel, great title.

Adisha said...

Wow !! That's truly interesting ...

Aniket Thakkar said...

I hate these characters and love their characterizations.

And when you make a reader feel both, I say, its a job very well done.

Superb ending and a great piece.

Chris Eldin said...

I agree about the title!! Very clever.
I loathe these characters, but am very interested in their story. Nicely written!!

Catherine Vibert said...

I love the premise. I was thinking however, that if he's married to her sister, probably the ring factor doesn't matter so much? Although that bit was excellently written, with the sun shining through the wine and highlighting the ringless finger. The only thing I'd change is the last line, to make it congruent with what you have set up. That she'd discovered his lie.

The Preacherman said...

He wants to shag his wife's sister?

And why not indeed?

This is very well written in my heathen opinion. Very nice mate.

Sadly my wife hasn't got a sister....oh well

Four Dinners

Sarah Laurenson said...

I was good with the ring issue. Especially if he removed it to not have the constant reminder of his marriage that they both knew about. And yet, the sunlight gave them back that reminder.

Love this piece. I think it's very timely. And choosing not to follow through no matter how tempted makes me feel for her. She has some ethics after all.

Tessa said...

Love the reflection imagery. Well written!

Peter said...

Thank you everyone for reading and commenting.

Laurel, thank you, a babe waiting on tables?

Thank you Mr Wolf!

JR, not too thrown I hope!

Adisha, grabbed your interest?

Aneket, thank you so much, very kind words.

Chris, thank you!

Catvibe, thanks for the comment, I think Sarah explains it best.

Preacher, bless you!

Tessa, thank you!

The ring seems to trouble most, but Sarah, you got it in one!

Hilary said...

Oh I think this is a good story. Taking the ring off is just habit, the predatory old goat...


Merry Monteleone said...

This was very nicely done and kept me with them the whole time... though I have to thank Sarah, too - the last line bothered me until I got to her comment and then it totally clicked.

And yes, the title is brilliant.

BernardL said...

Sophisticated dialogue and captivating tale.

PJD said...

Good for her. She already hates him for the reasons she stated, but she refuses to betray her sister the way he has.

Patsy said...

Oooh, what a rat he is! She's not a lot better - reckon she's deliberatley teasing him, but to give her the benefit of the doubt, maybe she's attempting to keep him away from women who won't say 'No'.

Totally believable and great detail.

Dottie Camptown said...

Great dialogue between the two. It was seamless and gave your story a great pace.

aditi said...

Dark, interesting.
Love the tan-line, though I know you've heard that :D

JaneyV said...

I'm so glad you ended it this way. I'm glad that your character was mature enough to think about consequences and not act with the dumb compulsiveness that is almost a disease these days.

Very nice work.

J.C. Montgomery said...

Wonderful Peter, but I may be a bit biased. You have always had a way with these twisted tales.

Jade L Blackwater said...

Oh my, I didn't expect that final twist! I should have been tipped off by the "knowing smile."

Anonymous said...

Ouch. I sense a ton of backstory here. A complex scene. Greatly written.

Perfect score!

Welcome to The Forties Club!!

peter said...

Thanks, Jason!

(Pefect score? And yet nowhere in the listings - phew, just shows how tough this comp is).

Cheers, onto the next one!