Sunday, July 12, 2009

Entry #66

Wine, Blood Red
by Sarah Laurenson

Waking with no thought of last night,
Until you ask: ‘What do you remember?’

Not tripping over the tree root,
Nor crying on your shoulder.

Disconnected pieces of the night,
Floating through a sea of nothingness.

Saying ‘I Love You’ to a stranger,
Masquerading as a friend.

Tiny bits of conversations.
What did I say after the curtain fell?

Dead memories that never return.
Explanations required. None given.

I’m afraid to ask,
Acknowledge what I’ve lost.

Were the cops involved?
Did I hurt anyone?

The light in your eyes dims.

I feel your pain.
I would care, if I knew how.

You urge me to get help,
Go to therapy.

I don’t want to know,
That I don’t remember.

I touch the rim of my wine glass.
What memories will die tonight?


Laurel said...

Wow, Sarah. That is so lonely. Very intense.


wrath999 said...

Lonliness is a huge pain.

'Disconnected pieces of the night,
Floating through a sea of nothingness.'

Great verse here


JR's Thumbprints said...

I like the mood of this piece. ... Blood Red Wine, Black Out.

Catherine Vibert said...

Sarah, this is half poetry half story, and it really works. Such a sad sad story, and one all too familiar where too much alcohol is involved for too long.

Anonymous said...

I agree with Cat - I especially like that this gorgeous poetry tells a story. Superbly done, my friend!

Sarah Laurenson said...

Thank you all!

I'm wading through all the wonderful entries here. What great company to be in!

Chris Eldin said...

I've never read any of your poetry before, but this is very strong! You captured lonliness very well--and I agree about it being a combination between a story and a poem. It's quite beautiful...

laughingwolf said...

sarah, a superb piece :)

Karen said...

Sarah - I didn't have the nerve to try poetry but yours certainly works here. You say so much in so few words -- the essence of good poetry. I really, really like this.

Precie said...

Lovely, haunting piece! Powerful last lines too! Well done!

Mona said...

this is a lovely intensely poignant piece. I love it!

Therese said...

"I would care, if I knew how."

That's a well-aimed knife, Sarah.

Well-written. It's abstract but tells a story. I really enjoyed this.

Whirlochre said...

This is a treat.

Aniket Thakkar said...

This was done so very elegantly.

You've made it look so simple. Fewer words making world of impact.

The other character plays its part so well too. Those little hints portray so much.

Great work.

Peter said...

Powerfully evocative.
(and a little thank you commenting and for 'getting' my little story!)

BernardL said...

A tender, chilling feeling of something lost.

Kurt Hendricks said...

Wonderful sense of resignation to the demons that anyone familiar with addiction can relate to.

Adisha said...

Thats an amazing piece ... Such a touching poem of fear and loss !! Wonderful !

aditi said...

Thats... so subtle, yet so deep. The flashes of memory, the fact that the person stopped caring - this will stay with me for a long while.

Unknown said...

Sarah, this is superb. The style is so evocative, the introspective voice so bereft. It makes for a wonderfully rich and poignant piece of writing. Beautifully done.

Sarah Laurenson said...

Wow. What great comments. Thank you so much.

I was over halfway through the entries, until I had to work and many more poured in. Still planning on getting to them all - somehow.

PJD said...

Beautiful, Sarah. Everything rides on the two lines:

The light in your eyes dims.

So simple, yet so filled with everything. Those lines represent that moment when we should notice those we love slipping away, but we don't. This makes me sad because it doesn't have to turn out the way it inevitably will.

Beautiful. I hope this is considered among the finalists. It is deserving.

JaneyV said...

Sarah - I found your poem incredibly moving. The story of the alcoholic anaesthetizing her own self-loathing and continuing the cycle of emptiness in so doing is powerfully wrought. There is so much expressed here in so few words. Even the empty spaces you left are full of thought-provoking poetry.


Dottie Camptown said...


Tessa said...

'Saying ‘I Love You’ to a stranger,
Masquerading as a friend.' Beautifully fact, it is all absolutely sublimely well written. Breathtaking. My favourite poetry entry by far.

Jade L Blackwater said...

Truth ignored - nicely written.

McKoala said...

Beautiful poetry Sarah!

Anonymous said...

One of the most poignant views of addiction. Not wanting to know that you can't remember. That cuts. Must be vile to feel that way.

Welcome to The Forties Club!!

Sarah Laurenson said...

Thank you, Jason. It was vile.

And a huge thanks for holding this competition! The amount of work you and Jaye (and Aine) put in for this is overwhelming.

Sarah Laurenson said...

A big thanks to all who commented and all who participated. This was a very enriching experience and I am grateful to be in such great company.