Sunday, July 12, 2009

Entry #68

by Ellis B.

Armin eyed the well-appointed table, stunned by its richness. He raised a goblet, watched the firelight glance from its facets. When had he last touched such a vessel? These days, his thirst was quenched with a chipped mug, or cupped hands dipped into a stream. The world of fine crystal died years ago.

The girl approached. He set the goblet down, watched silently while she poured bright red wine. Her face, half hidden behind honey-colored waves, remained impassive.

She met his gaze. His heart missed a beat.

Her emerald eyes, more familiar than his own, matched those of a boy he raised to a man. Armin was unaccustomed to seeing such fathomless hatred in those eyes.

Her skin was brown, like the boy’s, but where Armin’s charge showed the first hopeful attempts at a man’s beard, hers was marred by the bloodred handprint Maja had slapped across her cheek. It was beginning to swell. She would carry a bruise for days.

Maja’s voice pulled Armin from his musings. “Can the boy be trusted? What are his bloodlines?”

Armin lifted his glass. Spun it. The viscous red liquid adhered to its sides, dripped slowly to the bowl. “Whatever his bloodlines, I trust him with my life.”

Maja’s sigh was dismissive. “Little comfort.”

Armin looked up, retort on his lips, to see the girl observing him with a wry, conspiratorial smile. He sipped from the goblet, wine suppressing words.

Given time, he and this girl might see eye-to-eye.


Laurel said...

I want more! Pleasepleaseplease tell me this is part of a book.

Lie to me if you must. Just give me hope.

JR's Thumbprints said...

Discussing bloodlines over a glass of wine seems downright appropriate. I anticipated a bloodletting, yet you didn't go there.

Catherine Vibert said...

This is definitely the beginnings of a great story. I liked how you hinted at a horrible backstory between Maja and the girl. There is a sense of compassion in your protagonist, a watchfulness, and I liked that.

laughingwolf said...

like the others: i want more please, sir :)

Chris Eldin said...

I also hope this is part of a larger story. Well-written and concise. I like where you stopped.

Sarah Laurenson said...

Really well done. I, too, feel it's the beginning of a longer piece. And yet, it works well for a short.

The Preacherman said...

Is this a vamp short or not?

Haven't a scooby

It leaves you wanting more info.


Nice work old bean

Four Dinners

Aniket Thakkar said...

These are the times (apart from those, while we are editing our pieces) when we plead to Jason. If only he would have given us a few extra words. At least a couple more.

This one made me crave that bad.

Very skillfully crafted piece.

Hoodie said...

Nicely paced and consistent, this could easily be part of larger story. Extremely well done.

BernardL said...

Very good!

PJD said...

Echo what Chris said, word for word.

Anonymous said...

Thank you everyone! It is part of a larger story, but the first time I have put a piece of it forward for comment. I loved this exercise because it really forced me to pare a scene to it's most elemental bits.

I have been in the woods away from the internet since Saturday and am excited to see how many entries there are. I am looking forward to seeing what everyone else submitted.


JaneyV said...

Ellis - this is intriguing and I would love to see where you're going with it. I love the description of the girls hair

honey-colored waves.

Jade L Blackwater said...

I like the way you've set this up with so many possibilities and character relationships... I see there is more to tell.

Anonymous said...

Something tells me there is a lot more in store for the boy. I hope he makes it through whatever trials they have for him.