Sunday, January 10, 2010

Entry #101

One Crow Sorrow
by Donna Dickson

The night is dark, but the moon casts its light over the open field, covering it like a blanket soaked in mercury. The trees at the edge of the clearing beckon like blackened skeletons, calling me closer, closer, drawing me in.

“You are the keeper of all knowledge. You are the sacred law. You are an omen of change. Through you, I will know the truth. Tell me what I must know.”

The crow does not answer, mocking me harshly with its grating cry. It knows I will follow. I am compelled. I have no choice.

“What message do you have for me? Enlighten me, please! What am I supposed to learn?”

Deeper into the night, deeper into the heart of the shadows, the crow is silent as it cuts a path through the frigid air, taking me where I understand that I must go.

“What do you want from me?”

The crow speaks, “My son, you must change your path. This way darkness lies. You have a good heart, but it grows cold and empty. You have dreams, but you do not seek them. You have life, but you do not live it. You walk alone.

“You were a child and can hold no blame. It was not your fault.”

“But I trusted…”

“And you were betrayed. Trust yourself now, love yourself now and peace will follow.”

The crow wraps me within its soft, gentle wings and leads me toward the warmth of the rising sun.


AM-C said...

Great interplay!

PJD said...

so... when he was a kid, someone convinced him to be a writer?

JaneyV said...

I too like the interplay between the man and the Crow. I'm left wondering what it was that set him down on the lonely path. Who betrayed him?

The Crow's words were indeed very wise

Trust yourself now, love yourself now and peace will follow.

I liked this piece very much especially the mystical atmosphere you created.

Craig said...

Great byplay. A truly wise crow.

lena said...

I too like the atmosphere you created. Love also the message within this little piece. Really enjoyed the writing here.

Bernita said...

PJD...!! and !!!

A nice theme amalgam of "to thine ownself be true" and " darkness may endure for the night but joy cometh in the morning."

Scribblers Inc said...

"what do you want from me?"

I could almost picturise myself asking this one single question...and I can bet its this question which eats at so many people who are around here...

Mithun Mukherjee

Kartik said...

An odd choice for a crow to be the "knowledgeable one" bird. But I also recall the fable of the crow who successfully extracted water from a bottle :)

kashers said...

Didn't know why the dialogue was in italics, but the atmosphere was very mystical. For some reason I had Vincent Price's tones for the crow.

Aniket Thakkar said...

Master Crow-da speaks wisely.
Find enlightenment, I'm sure he will. :D

Loved the setting of the piece.

laughingwolf said...

very nice donna... but i don't think this was anywhere in the hrm ;)

austere said...

Very nice.
It has that The Messiah feel to it.

Laurel said...

Pete: You are so bad!

I love the description in the first paragraph and the mystical mood. I also like the idea of a soul compelled to redemption, very Flannery O'Connor.

DILLIGAF said...

There aren't enough of the crow as the good guy.

Thank you for rectifying that with some terrific writing!

Deb Smythe said...

Nice clean writing.

raine said...

Lovely voice.
Would work well with fantasy.

And PJD--lol. :)

james r. tomlinson said...

There's been a variety of stories where the narrator addresses the fowl of choice and seeks guidance. Whether it be a lost soul, an injured person, or whatnot, the bird seems to have the answers. Nice bit of fantasy.

Terri said...

lol @ PJD!

There is a lovely message in this piece. We should all be so lucky.

Chris Eldin said...

Nicely balanced, I enjoyed reading it! I particularly love the "blackened skeletons" bit. Terrific setting you created in the opening paragraph.

catvibe said...

Laughing with Pete. :-)

I feel like the crow is a higher voice, an internal voice that we should all listen to. Lovely advice in the form of a story.

Anonymous said...

my caveat

Something I Would Keep

Something I Might Tweak

Dear Entrants #1-105,

I have read your pieces so that I can fairly participate in the Readers' Choice vote. (I read all of them through last week, before I started commenting.) I will be coming back around to offer my keep/tweak comment, but I didn't want anyone to snark.

Aerin (#236)

BTW, it's perfectly fine if you still want to snark, but this way you can choose a more appropriate subject, like the Golden Globes or those wretched Old Navy dummies.

Louise said...

This is lovely (-: Absolutely loved your opening paragraph.