Oh the Freedom
by Angel Swemmer
The ability to soar over fields, rivers, farmlands, mountains. Looking down on my realm.
Not concerned about anyone but myself.
Sleeping when and where I like.
Eating what and whenever I want.
Just a glimpse of my shadow can strike fear into the hearts of most- and admiration into the minds of others.
Oh what glorious freedom is this. Simple, natural mastery of the skies. What I was born to do. What I know how to do.
If I close one eye and put my head close to the bars of my cage, I can sometimes watch my brother wheel overhead, and I remember.
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Listening for the words in a quiet corner of the night. The fiction, poetry, and photography of Jason Evans.
About Me
- Aine
- Collaborator and night owl.
Past Contests
- "Elemental" Short Fiction Contest
- "Uncovered" Short Fiction Contest
- "Silhouette" Short Fiction Contest
- "In Vino Veritas" Short Fiction Contest
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- "Running Wind" Short Fiction Contest
- "Whispers" Short Fiction Contest
- "Restless Dawn" Short Fiction Contest
- "Halo" Short Fiction Contest
- "Endless Hour" Short Fiction Contest
- "Silent Grey" Short Fiction Contest
- "Lonely Moon" Short Fiction Contest (with Anne Frasier)
- "Midnight Road" Short Fiction Contest
- "Two Lights" Short Fiction Contest
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29 comments:
A careful restraint of language makes the ending extremely effective.
Oh the freedom...
Perfect title for the post.
Clear and pure.
Very nice. A poetic take on the theme.
The ending is really powerful. Don't well dream of freedom while being caged??
You did a wonderful job, and with so few words. Bravo.
I love this very much.
I so hope he gets his freedom back.
Tara is right. So few words for such an impact! Great stuff!!!!
Never really seen an eagle in a cage :) but i respect the idea.
Well executed :)
N
caged... :(
Thank you so much all of you!
The description of the difficulty of being caged in the last sentence is what makes this work. Nice job.
I don't think there is anything more beautiful and sad than something designed to soar being confined to the earth.
Elegantly done, evocative piece.
Awesome. Really like it
Beautifully spare prose. And a great ending. Nice job.
This takes me back to those romantic era of poems(like William Wordsworth). Pure joy in the words!
Oh you are so clever! I really like this!
This made me appreciate my abilities (and that says something as I am less-abled!). Thanks, Angel!
This broke my heart. Stephen King did a short story called "Africa" that reminds me of this piece.
Birds shouldn't be caged.
which is why all 4 of mine fly free in my house.
Thankyou for this beautiful testiment.
So lovely.. and then heartbreaking! Lovely :-)
btw @ Nothingman there is an Eagle in a cage at a wildlife park in Ireland. It's a fairly large cage, but a cage nonetheless. Very sad.
Last lines are wrenchingly powerful, Angel.
Brings it all together so, so well.
*applause*
Excellent ending. Nicely written.
Those last few lines hit me hard. A real sense of loss, nicely built up by the begining.
Your beautiful description of the wonder and freedom of flight made the last lines all the more powerful. Well done.
The use of sentence fragments works in this flash. I'm a bit confused in regards to "wheeled overhead," but I can imagine this eagle or hawk caged at the zoo.
This is very nice. I love the ending. Perfect tone.
JRT - "wheel overhead" means to fly in circles, I believe.
I've always thought owning birds was borderline criminal. Very well written.
A nice piece of imagery, but I would have gone with a couple of different word choices in spots. Like, instead of "Eating what and whenever I want," something like "Eating when and what I like." ... to help match the rhythm of the previous sentence.
my caveat
Something I Would Keep
putting his head close to the bars of his cage - brings tears to my eyes, and also invokes, for me, at least, the Death Row inmates I've worked with
Something I Might Tweak
I'm with previous commenter, because I thought those sentences felt less smooth - maybe instead "Sleep where I like. Eat what I want."
Thank you all for the compliments and the critique- I appreciate you taking the time to do either!
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