Get Ready For The Weirdness
by Kurt Hendricks
"Get ready for the weirdness," I said, turning the knob.
We were blinded as the huge picture window was revealed; it was a brilliant, clear day outside. As our eyes were adjusting to the sudden brightness, Lisa gasped and took a step back. I thought she was startled by the rather large disco ball hanging from the ceiling, but even as the thought was forming, a solid 'thwack' reverberated through the room.
I expected some reaction from Mayme, but she didn't stir from her seat by the window. I walked over, repeating her name, louder and more urgent each time. An apprehensive hand reached out to touch hers, which was clutching the joystick controller for her electric wheelchair. It felt like defrosted poultry.
"Another one," I told Lisa. This was her first time delivering, and I wanted to instill in her an expectation of this sort of thing. She just looked right through me with a thousand mile stare. I turned to Mayme and sighed.
I never thought I'd end up a drug dealer again. Ever since legalization, the glamour - not to mention the money - had left the profession. The clientele had changed, too; now mostly senior citizens looking for pain relief or a way out. Coltrane played on softly in the background.
“That crow…,” Lisa whispered, “it flew right into the window.” She was still obviously a little shaken. “It must’ve been attracted to the shiny thing.”
“Yeah,” I said, “you’ll get a lot of that.”
(Kurt Hendricks has lived in the Upper Midwest for most of his life, and is not the sort of person you will hear complaining about cold weather. He was the winner of the 2007 Key Editing and Writing Writer’s Competition. His work has previously been featured in Parallax, the literary journal of Ripon College.)
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
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30 comments:
"It felt like defrosted poultry"
I love that line.
Loved the future-day drug dealer twist.
Deb S.
Very well done. Love the writing.
This is weirdness with a capital wubble-u. Maybe a bad habit of mine, but I'm hooked.
The line "Ever since legalization, the glamour - not to mention the money - had left the profession" reminded me of Goodfellas.
Great writing.
Felt like the start of a damn good story...I want more!!!
I love the disco ball. Defrosted poultry. Thousand mile stare. Lots of good detail here. I wonder if they are there to control her pain or euthanize her?
Surreal.
You know what is weird? My entry #149 has references to movie watching and drugs too :|
Funny story though :P
N
neat...
Like the callousness of the last line. That really sums him up.
This story pops! I love the detail, the setting, and dialogue. Good job. --JR
All very good. The poultry line is worth reading 149 other entries to get to.
I was just reading last night about how they are trying to get pot legalized in California and it will likely be on the November ballot(for recreation, it's already legal for medicinal). So your story was excellent timing considering...I loved your use of imagery here. Defrosted poultry is about the best description I can imagine for such a thing, and it really is like that, old old withered flesh, especially if the hands are cold. Nice job! REally really nice job, so nice I'm sticking it on my evergrowing favs list.
I can only echo how great that line was.
Thanks to everyone for your comments. I'm having a blast reading all the fantastic entries. Best of luck to all.
This one is fascinating; distinctly different.
Awesome!
a thousand mile stare. superb!
It's a scary vision but one with a lot of truth I'd say. Great imagery and voice.
Legalize drugs and mostly seniors will be your clients? Intriguing take on both the picture and drug dealing in the future.
Well done.
This is scary.
I shivered in the end. The disco ball, Mayme and the joystick...
the thwack made me jump...
"thousand mile stare" is one of the best phrases in this contest...
the plot is unique...
the perspective is even better...
in the end i left with an image of the crow thwacking against the window...and Mayme watching vacantly...
OH GOD...
Brilliant.
Nice, and strange, I do like good writing about a possible future
If only dealing could be boring now! ;) Great read!
my caveat
Something I Would Keep
I LOVE the first line - it's true for the characters and also for the reader, and gets us ready to understand what's happening. I also appreciate the action (thank you thank you thank you) that moves the piece forward.
Something I Might Tweak
I'm not sure you need the line "I never thought" about drug-dealer - I like the punch delivered by "Ever since legalization"
This completes my top three picks. Your story, after reading all 236 entries, had a lasting impression on me. Best of luck to you!
An interesting bit of spec-fi wrapped up in this one. Not bad.
Unique take on the prompt...very nicely done!
A packed full tryst into the future. Very entertaining.
It was weird. But I liked it. A lot.
I loved the weirdness of it all, the disco ball, felt like defrosted poultry...great imagery.
Congrats!
Dottie :)
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