Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Entry #204

by Amrita Bhatia

It was that time of the day again. He sat perched at his window on 57th street, waiting.

She was two minutes late today. Traffic he thought. The lights were on, the curtains drawn; all he could see was a shadow. He watched her going through her daily tasks.

How she undressed, and the way she moved.

His imagination ran into directions more than one when he thought of her in the shower.

“Ah!” he sighed, wishing she were his girl.

But wait there were two shadows today.

No that was not possible. How could this be? She could not have a lover. She was a well mannered girl.

How it hurt when he watched them move, intertwine. He gulped down the vodka, but that wasn’t what was burning his insides.

“Hi I’m Andrew I live in the apartment across the street, is Anna around?”

“Yeah come on in... Anna... It’s for you Baby”

“At least tie the robe you Dog”


The shriek was loud enough to wake the neighbours.

“What did you do to him you bastard!!!!?”

“I just like one Anna, just one shadow”

It was that time of the day again. He sat perched at his window on 73rd street, waiting.


Laurel said...

Oh. Wow. Obsession from a distance.

This started off so sweet.

wrath999 said...

Cool tale of a serial killer's obsession

kashers said...

So he doesn't get caught and moves from one obsession to the other. But, is the obsession the kill, or the peeping?

Anonymous said...

Good work Amrita. Loved the Title! :)

Obscure Optimist said...

Good Work Amrita. Loved the title! :)

Bernita said...

Makes me wonder if he's still human and still stalking, or if he's become a voyeur blackbird perched on yet another city window sill.
Well done.

laughingwolf said...

nice one, amrita...

Deb Smythe said...

Wow. Very creepy.

Aniket Thakkar said...

Wow! You have really outdone all your previous works with this one.

Honestly, I never expected a serial killer story from you.

Good job. I would've loved a little more description of the kill. A little more horror. But then, we all know how precious words are in this contest. One can only do so much with 250 words.

You packed a complete story in there and thats awesome. Oh, and clever use of the first and last line. Excellent writing!

Dr. Ranee Kaur Banerjee said...

She has the curtains drawn and yet, she's so starkly visible while he's the shadow, perched on his window and hidden in the dark..

I think you did a great job of etching the characters.


Kartik said...

The first and last lines are real neat. Very well written, Amrita :)

Anonymous said...


Something I Would Keep

Thinking of her in the shower - this gave away his obsession, because I still thought it was possibly he was just a freaky voyeur.

Something I Might Tweak

I don't think you need either of the "It was that time of the day again" lines. They're just extraneous; the 57th & 73rd street lines are brilliance by themselves.

James R. Tomlinson said...

The jumpcut to dialogue is a bit confusing, but you had one hell of a build up to that point.

Preeti said...

That was good. Started off well. At first i thought he was waiting for his girl friend.
Hmmnn... can't help feeling sad for such guys. Losers though they maybe.
Very well written though.

Anonymous said...

Okay, Preeti, if you feel sad for the guy, I seriously don't want you as my neighbor.


Anonymous said...

what yamini said, loved the title!

Aimee Laine said...

Ooh. Don't like him! :) Mean, mean, mean. Yikes!

Craig said...

You did a good job in putting in all those little details that reveal the extent of his obsession.

JaneyV said...

Note to self - if anyone can see in your window, buy blinds - or better still SHUTTERS!

Nice work on the creepy factor. This gave me chills.

PJD said...

The finish felt a little rushed, but the details you chose to highlight told the whole story.

catvibe said...

Oh, freakish and horrible! I loved it!

Rachel Green said...

Clever stalker piece. Thanks.