Monday, February 01, 2010

Step by Step


The number one mistake people make is panic. You can't panic.

Not that I don't understand panic. How easy it flicks on. Once it starts, it spreads like fire, and before you know it, you're making mistakes left and right. Mistakes mean a trail. And a trail will lead straight to you.

But you won't do that.

The number two mistake is going down on someone too close to you. See, I don't care how careful you are. They've got this space-aged shit these days. Lights and scanners and dogs trained at NORAD or something. If you go down on someone right where you live, you're a goner. Game over. Fucking seriously. No one gets away with that shit. I mean, come on. If the person is close, you have to explore other avenues. It's that simple. That's the deal. No use whining about it.

But I'm not close.

Distance is good. But too much distance is not good. When you have to go far, you leave traces. Like tolls. Credit cards. Security cameras. You want to be far enough not be on anyone's radar, but close enough to cover it in two hours or less. Back roads, of course. I know you're not stupid enough to pay tolls and get your picture taken.

I won't cover the merchandise. I have faith in you. That part will come natural. If I have to tell you, then I'm wasting my time. So once you have the merchandise, that's when the panic will want to strike a match and light your ass. That's when you need to buckle down and hold on tight to your calm. After you get the merchandise, your emotions are going to want to boil over. You're going to want to scream, laugh, cry, vomit. But it's not over. The real work is just getting started. Remote is good. You can't go too wrong with remote. But water...forget it. Just forget that shit right now. Water is not your friend. Think about it. Water flows all over the planet. Put a thing here, and water moves it there. But I don't have to tell you that.

Go with remote. But not just remote. Here is where people make another mistake. Remote does not mean inaccessible. It just means not-visited-very-often. You're just playing the odds if you pick any old wide open space. Put some effort into it. The work will pay off. Believe me, I know. Low, tangled bushes are the best, in my opinion. Stuff you'd never think to walk through. But what most people don't realize is that you can get down and drag through. No one else would have a reason to crawl in there.

Drag your merchandise deep in. Don't skimp on that part. If you can time it before a good rain, that's even better. Lastly, don't underestimate what it will take to dig. I even suggest that you do it first. In the pre-planning stage. This isn't like planting posies in the backyard. You've got roots, rocks, clay, and other geological shit I can't even pronounce. Take a week. Get a short shovel. Go deep. This is where you need persistence. You're not going to make six feet. Not in the back country. But shoot for four at least. The blisters and blood are well worth it. They heal.

I'm sure you can fill in the rest. (Fill in...get it? Ha! Get it?? You always loved my sense of humor.)

I watch TV from eight to midnight every night. I don't lock the front door. My neighbors keep to themselves. They're too stupid to notice anything short of a volcano erupting in their front yard anyway. (Wasn't there a volcano that formed in Mexico after some farmer noticed some smoke venting in a field? But I digress.) Now all you have to do is go step by step.

Step by step.

I'm tired. And I know you're hot to settle the score.

You know where to find me. Between eight and midnight. Maybe I'll even be napping. I nap a lot.

Yeah, I'm tired. It's a crap-infested world anyway.

Hey, you want to know something? You know what's worse than being alone?

(Yeah, I know you don't care.)

Being alone so long you're even sick of your own pathetic company....

So that's it. See you soon.

Peace out.



Atrisa said...

Hahaha :D Last part, true that! I think I'm getting there. But don't you think loneliness makes us laugh about things a lot more and frankly, really improves our sarcastic humor! Still, I miss my irritating 4am phone calls. Burning and calming, step by step.

Pallav Gogoi said...

Step by step epitomizes urban loneliness. Good work:)

DILLIGAF said...

Laughing when you're lonely is like talking to an invisible friend. The madness is closing in.

Peace out!

the walking man said...

I guess so far I am the only one who saw this to be a (very)sexual piece of writing.

Wonderful advice and all I can say is "Oh hell yes!!!"

M. said...

"Being alone so long you're even sick of your own pathetic company"


scratch that.


as always, amazing writing :).

Monica Manning said...

That could be taken so many ways, but I was with the walking man the entire way. To me, it wasn't just about sex, but promiscuity and the way it is used to deny the lonliness. Great piece!

Bernita said...

That's a "hit", man!

Nevine Sultan said...

Sounds like someone's mind coming to bits... paranoia and phobia of one's own shadow, etc. etc. Yes, someone's mind is beginning to crumble, very very methodically. Nice.


Jean said...

Is the second killing easier?
The more you do, the more alone is required?

Karen said...

I'm trying to see the sex, but all I can see is the death. Of course, they call that la petite mort, don't they? So maybe it's both, but still...all I can see is the seasoned killer who knows he is the next prey and is so tired of living that he's willing to trade places and become the victim.

As for craft, you create his voice with ease and believability.

K.Lawson Gilbert said...

Very manic voice. Great tight writing. Storyline fresh and inventive. The picture goes perfectly with the piece! Always great to visit here.

Anonymous said...

Atrisa, yeah, I think you're right. Loneliness does vastly improve our dark humor. :)

Pallav, I'm glad you felt some emotion from it.

Four Dinners, ha! So true. At least we can be blessed by interesting imaginary friends.

Walking Man, I love that view! So cool when a piece is read different ways.

Mayur, I did want the ending to be a series of tough swings. Even the end. Emotions tumbling.

Monica, your reading can bridge the two. This person has a troubled connection to the person he is writing to. It could be born from love gone wrong.

Bernita, love that!

Nevine, he's definitely disassembling. The methodical instructions mask the crash.

Jean, I wouldn't know, of course. But I have to think it would be.

Karen, thank you for the praise on the writing technique. :) I did intend this piece to be about killing and ultimate surrender, but I do like how it was read by others.

Kaye, matched only by the pleasure of having your visit, and immersing in your writing! Thank you. :)

catvibe said...

Just whoa. Seriously. I'm with TWM and Nevine both.

Meghan said...

Seriously intense. Great job.

Chris Eldin said...

Really like this one. Great pacing, just enough detail without being too much.
Love the voice here!

Anonymous said...

Catvibe, even if that's a somewhat creeped out whoa, I'll take it. I like when writing evokes...something.

Meghan, thanks. :)

Chris, it's been a while since I've done stream of consciousness. It is a very freeing form. Really lets you be someone else.

Kate said...

I LOVE THIS. The voice is just awesome.

Aniket Thakkar said...

Oh, the first kill is always the most important. Most make the mistake of killing someone they know. Should never ever do that!

Nice tutorial! :D

Anonymous said...

Kate, many thanks. :)

Aniket, everyone you know just breathed a sigh of relief. ;)

Doxy said...

A friend sent me the link to this story. Interesting and creepy read. I quite enjoyed it. Put me in mind of a Harry Chapin Song called "Corey's Coming".


Anonymous said...

Doxy, I'm glad you stopped over! I'm going to have to look up that song. Not sure if I've heard it.