Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Forties Club Finalist #62

Anniversary Dinner
by Joni Haws

Joyce stood in her bra and panties, assessing herself in the full-length mirror. She turned slightly, the light catching the streaks of silver in her up-do, and panned over her reflection. Then she sighed.

The belly button she’d worked for years to keep in a taut yawn grimaced back at her, crunches and carrot sticks notwithstanding. Her knees were inexplicably cushioned. How on earth do you get rid of knee fat, she thought. Glancing up, she praised God that her boobs were tucked neatly inside the lacy bra. They looked so exhausted without one these days, her dejected nipples shying from the limelight. Stretch marks. Wrinkles.

She completely avoided her ass.

Cocking her head she put her hands to her waist and thrust out her chest. Hmm. She jutted out one hip, paused, and groaned. Good Lord, I’m my mother.

“You’re beautiful,” Tom said from the doorway.

Joyce started. “How long have you been standing there?”

“Long enough to want to see the rest.”

Joyce wilted. “Oh, stop. I’m such an old bag.”

Tom came up behind her. “Don’t talk about my sexy wife that way. If we didn’t have reservations I’d take you right now.” He turned her around and placed her arms around his waist.

“But I’m not beautiful like I used to be,” Joyce pouted.

Tom lifted her chin. “You’re right.”

She gasped.

“Now you’re spectacularly gorgeous.” His lips traced her jaw, shoulder, collarbone, making her shiver.

“We’ll be late,” Joyce whispered. And she laughed.


fairyhedgehog said...

This is heartwarming and funny. I loved How on earth do you get rid of knee fat

Erratic Thoughts said...

:D Very Nice n emotional.
What a lovely couple you have portrayed!I like her dilemma :)

Oddyoddyo13 said...

Haha, loved the voice in this one. Especially when she says she wasn't beautiful anymore and he agrees! LoL Nice save.

SzélsőFa said...

knee fat
i was kind of wondering about the same thing the other day.
very loveable (spelling?) piece!

and any woman who has undergone the same scene at one point or another in her life is one hell of a lucky one.
what a great husband :)

geez, my word verification is tower.
the tower of love, where t equals p.

Katherine Tomlinson said...

Lucky woman. Lovely story. Yes. Knee fat. Thanks.

PJD said...

Charming! Echo fairy hedgehog's comment.

JR's Thumbprints said...

Ah yes, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Or is it treasure? I liked the voice of this piece.

Precie said...

There's a lot I love in this piece so please take this in the constructive spirit intended---The dialogue tags, especially in the second half of the story, strike me as a bit overdone. I like "she gasped" as a reaction, but the pouting and such feel rather unnecessary and distracting to me. The relationship, though, is quite a lovely one.

Anonymous said...

I agree with Precie, and I think I will maintain the spirit of her comment when I say that the dialogue tags detract so much because the rest of the piece is so very strong.

Unknown said...

Hi Joni!

I loved this piece.. you're depiction is perfect. How many times have women wondered...what the hell happened?? I blinked and look what happened. LOL

Dottie :)

Laurel said...


POV is spot on, story is cheery and affectionate, so much to love. And great take on "uncovered."

This one effercesces like champagne. Superb!

AidanF said...

Heartwarming tale. I also had never thought of knee-fat and found that an engaging image. Tom's agreement with her makes the dialogue pop for me and adds tension creating a good close to the piece.

sea minor said...

I like this piece. Beatifully written and slightly sexy.
It feels to me like a little part of something bigger and I think that sticking to the word cound limits it a little, like we have a snapshot here rather than something complete.
Yes, the end is tantalizing - I hope they didn't make the restaurant!

JaneyV said...

My heart does feel warm after reading this. It shows how romance and sexual attraction can (and despite the trends of fiction) often do get stronger as a relationship develops. It also shows so gently how fabulous it is to be adored and surprised by the man you love.


bekbek said...

"She completely avoided her ass" is the line for me. Perfect (I say, as I shy away from even thinking about "I'm my mother").

I think the advice you already have about the dialog is very good. If you trust your dialog and take some of the description away, I think you'll like it. But the writing is smooth and I didn't feel it detracted, just that it might have been tighter allow readers to "see" with their own eyes a bit more. Nevertheless, fun and romantic! Nicely done.

Aaron Wilson said...

Nice. Very real. I think that I've had this moment with my wife. Please don't tell her I said that.

Deb Smythe said...

Aww. That's a sweet and realistic love story. I love your descriptions as well. Now, how do we clone Tom?

Michelle D. Argyle said...

What a great voice! I love the knee-fat line. I'm going to remember that for a very, very long time. :)

Michael Morse said...

This is everything I look for when starting a story of any length. It made me feel something, this time it was happiness gratitude and appreciation.

Catherine Vibert said...

I found this extremely touching. Can I marry this character next? :-)