Friday, July 09, 2010

Ordinary Day

And he said
Take my hand
Live while you can
Don't you feel like
Dreams are right
In the palm of your hand?
     --Vanessa Carlton, Ordinary Day

"Wait. We can't do that," she said.

He grinned. "Oh yes we can."

"No, really. We can't. That's like illegal. I'm sure it violates...something."

"Watch me."

She stepped back. "Seriously. We should go."

"Look. You're not used to this yet. I get it. I understand. But I'm going to let you in on a little secret. I make things happen."

She blinked. She really didn't have a response.

"Close your eyes," he said.

"What are you going to do?"



"Just close them," he said.

She pursed her lips.

They stared at each other a few moments. She resisted.

"Do you want things to happen?" he said. "Or not?"

Her heart pounded harder. "Why do I think I'm going to regret this?" she said.

She closed her eyes and put out her hand. His strong grip took it.

"Let's go," he said.

Comments Link


Margaret said...

I want to know more! What did they do? :)

Wonderful piece of writing Jason. You got me hooked in his strong grip too!

Tabitha Bird said...

Nooooo! You can't end it there Jason! What happens next?????

Karen said...

I agree with Margaret, but I felt that way from the first bit of dialogue. That's one of your strengths as a writer, I think -- this ability to create realistic and interesting dialogue that pulls the reader into the situation and makes us want to know more.

Without a bit of exposition, you've given us a great story!

Aniket Thakkar said...

You are such a tease, Jason. :)

But I don't think that she'll regret it. On the contrary, I believe she's going to have a story to tell for years to come.

The only thing that beats the thrills of a perfect crime is a perfect partner to share its thrills with.

Felicity Grace Terry said...

Talk about a cliff hanger. I NEED to know what happens next.

Mona said...

I think we all can take this story up from here & write our own versions :)

Erratic Thoughts said...

....and where did they go?
Write more please....

Nice one though :)

Oddyoddyo13 said...

Grr...Wait to leave us hanging.

Aine said...

It takes courage and soul to be a follower. And to trust.

She'll have no regrets...

Akasha Savage. said...

Hey! you can't stop there! What did they do? :D

Anonymous said...

Margaret, Tabitha, Petty Witter, Erratic Thoughts, Oddyoddyo13, and Akasha (aka, the you-just-can't-stop-there posse),

Maybe I'm totally cracked (well, more than maybe), but for me, this was a comment about a type of person. A personality. And the interraction showed that. If I had taken it further, what they do might have fallen short for you. I was thinking like Mona. You probably had your own inkling of what they were about to do. That is unique to you and ready to be inserted where I left off.

Karen, I really value that comment. I can't explain how I compose dialogue, but it comes with very little effort for me. It's something that I like to feature in my writing. I also like to rely on using action to convey information. You often don't need to pull the reader aside and give background information. You can infer it.

Aniket, I don't think she'll regret it either. From here, she'll be swept away. And that's what he needs her to be. That's the person he wants to be.

Mona, I'm with you. I think you all have a unique dream to insert there.

Aine, I think there's nature at work. Each is engaging with the other how they were built to.

awareness said...

Bungee jumping! That's what came to mind. :) I pictured them on the side of a suspension bridge ready to take a leap.

Great dialogue Jason. I love writing it too and havent in a while. I may take a leap at it this weekend too.

I love reading your blog.

Erratic Thoughts said...

Well Said...I totally agree with you on this...

Inquisitiveness and different perceptions defines this post :)

Truly, loved it...

Ire said...

Yes, even I want to know more please!

Gia's Spot said...

Very nicely done!

SzélsőFa said...

nothing and everything. this is some fine art of writing.

Raj said...

i think i know what they did next :P

Anonymous said...

Awareness, what a kind thing to say! I need to get re-aquainted with your blog. Glad to see you back.

Erratic Thoughts, Vanessa Carlton paid that ordinary boy, whoever he was, a great compliment.

Nikita, shades of them will be showing up in the future, I'm sure.

Gia's Spot, thanks!

Szelsofa, I really like how you put that! Indeed, nothing and everything.

Raj, maybe so. Maybe so. :)