Saturday, July 16, 2011

Entry #33

by SzélsőFa

They were called lamps.
Grandma told me her great-grandmother told her so. They were fixed up inside, on the walls and on the ceiling of the lairs, called houses at that time.
But now comes the part that my friends laugh the most: these lamps had their own light even when it was dark outside.
I guess this is just some fancy stuff, a make-believe people say.

I don’t think I eat this up, because not even Grandma has ever seen such a thing.
But her great-grandmother did and her husband too – he saw that one huge lamp fixed on the sky. He got that disease then, or this is how the story goes.
Our family line was ready by then. That great-grandmother was pregnant and we are here because she, unlike her husband, was at a safe place.

Grandma said everything was toast for a long time. At first I didn’t understand, but she explained a word may have more than one meaning. It still sounds funny.

Now all the light we have comes from the Sun and the Moon.

The other evening we were sitting with Hikari beside the lake and saw two moons. One, fragile and thin on the water, one, solid and cold in the sky. I said she was both attractive and unattainable. Hikari said it only makes her more beautiful. He kissed me and talked about men walking on the surface of the Moon.

I love how he makes stories just to me.

(SzélsőFa is an English/Hungarian/English translator who regularly writes articles for monthly agricultural magazines and at times she wonders off to literary territories. She enjoys reading, writing and gardening.)


Anonymous said...

This is a very sweet story. I like this character!

Joni said...

Nice romantic/post-apocolyptic take on the prompt. I like the feeling that though something has been lost, the most important things are still available.

Nice one, Szelsofa!

Catherine Vibert said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Catherine Vibert said...

It's amazing to me how many of these stories are post/power. That was the first thing that came to my mind too. I love this, the part with the two moons reminded me of japanese haiku.

Precie said...

Love the ending!

Krunal said...

well i loved how you made this story too....i like how you made your characters fascinate about an ordinary thing like a lamp and how you fascinate us readers with some extraordinary like two moons

SzélsőFa said...

j a zobair,
thank you! chances are high i like her, too :))

you know...i never thought i would ever write romantic...because i'm not the type...but as you said, the most important things are still available. it's so great you noticed this in this short story. even i have not. but i see it now :)

thanks for mentioning haiku!!!

it's something we can hold on to... ;)

the world is a-changing, my friend. our ordinary world, with its lamps and cars and facebook and window-paneled business districts and astronauts and whatnot, should it disappear, will seem like fantasy for the survivors... :)

Michele Zugnoni said...

While it takes place in just a few generations, I found this story akin to a hope-infused creation myth. Your voice is very somber, lulling readers into the sweet romance of your tale, and making them wish there was more to read. Excellent job.

Thanks for sharing!

Aimee Laine said...

Awe. This is my favorite line: I love how he makes stories just to me. :)

strugglingwriter said...

I love the line that begins "one fragile, thin on the water"

I love the lovely mood of this story. Nicely done, my friend :(

strugglingwriter said...

That last part shouldn't been a :) not a :(

fairyhedgehog said...

I love the way the truth becomes a story when you get too far away from it.

SzélsőFa said...

with changes so dramatic, i guess a new world is with its myth created.

Aimee Laine,

i'm glad you liked it. i found the sad face smiley so strange i thought you just mistyped it. :))

absolutely. 'getting far way' might mean time and space as well. hm...

pegjet said...

The hopeful tone of this story carries it. Some beautiful imagery. I especially liked the reflection of the moon on water and how the narrator describes it as two moons.

PJD said...

I love the toast line, and of course the motif of the lamp/light as myth, destroyer, giver. This is a nicely crafted story, with good world-building sprinkled throughout.

SzélsőFa said...

there is a definite hope in the main character's voice - she contemplates her world and finds it beautiful :)

Peter Dudley,
thank you!

Old Kitty said...

It's dreamy, evocative, atmospheric and very beautiful! I loved this tale - it read musically! Thank you, take care

Unknown said...

I was trying to judge the age of the character..first I think very young, and then coming into womanhood. Nicely done and sweetly told post-apocalyptic tale. It did feel Haiku-ish.

Dottie :)

SzélsőFa said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
SzélsőFa said...

Old Kitty,
wow, consider me now flattered! i'm so glad that my entry came out to you as one coherent being. and even 'musical' - you know i sing in a choir and such a wording from a reader means a lot to me.

Dottie (Tink's Place)
thank you for considering the age of the main character. i too, think she must be between 15-18.
and yours is the second haiku reference - there must be something about it *blushes*

Scribblers Inc said...

Excellent, excellent prose.
I love the setup and the subtlety of the entire piece...


Aniket Thakkar said...

I fear the generations to come would think we are cooking up stories too. And considering our trade, we might as well be. :)

I loved the piece, and I got so immersed in the voice that I too, found the toast part funny. Go figure.

Thanks for the fun read.

bluesugarpoet said...

Beautifully crafted - and dark. I love that little remains from the old world but the stories that seem unbelievable. ~Jana A.

Jade L Blackwater said...

I like the semantics of this piece, and the story-within-story telling really works for me here.

Lisa Gail Green said...

Sad and sweet at the same time. I guess there was a solar flare or something? Very nice. Especially the touch about the second moon reflected on the water.

SzélsőFa said...

thank you Mithun, for your kind words. i'm glad my entry has worked for you :)

it sometimes does happen, even when there isn't such big a change in reality.
i'm glad you liked it - being immersed is a good sign :)

it may appear dark, because we tend to fear of loosing something that seems so constant...perhaps it's the fear of the unknown, or of some major change...

Jade L Blackwater,
great it did :)
as a translator i often bump into the question of meaning - as 'meaning' in general, or 'different meaning' by different languages, cultures, ways of thinking and so on...

Lisa Gail Green,
perhaps it was a solar flare... I suppose our main character doesn't have the proper wording for what happened -

Richard Levangie said...

This story felt sweet, honest and pure for all its dark underpinings. Thanks for sharing.

C. Sonberg Larson said...

I like the interesting view of how young people adjust in the post toast world. I also like the voice of the character. Nice work!

Brigid O'Connor said...

Although your story was of an alternative world, it could be a metaphor for our times. Lovely characterisation.

phatichar said...

Loved the innocence in the voice...child-like, yet deep. :)

Beautiful piece this..

SzélsőFa said...

Richard Levangie,
thank you for your kind words.

C Sonberg Larson,
perhaps the will to live, the determination to survive, like there's not other option but survive, overwrites all and any worries around their seemingly fallen world. i too, got a liking to her ;)

i have yet to discover the metaphore you mention, so i'm eager to hear more about your opinion. i'm glad you liked my entry.

she is a fresh start in a newly opening alternative future: perhaps thisis the reason for hre innocence...

Sandra Cormier said...

How innocent, yet disturbing! I see the beginning of a bigger story here.

JaneyV said...

SzelsoFa - I liked this very much. It felt innocent and hopeful in a world that had seen great horror. I love that your vision of a future like that could be so calm and hopeful and so very poetic. The idea that the only light could come form the sun and the moon is very reassuring. There will always be constants in an ever changing world.

SzélsőFa said...

Sandra Cormier,
thank you for your words of positive anticipation :) there might be a longer story along the times yet to come, because yes, this topic is close to my heart :)

perhaps a constant is needed to have a world... i'm so glad you liked my entry, thanks!

Anonymous said...

A potent mystery here. I wonder where this world is headed. Solid imagery. I especially liked your pacing.

SzélsőFa said...

thank Jason,you for your kind words.
i'm gald the images i had in my head solidly came out nicely and you, as a reader has seen it, too.
i don't know much about pacing, i'm yet to develop or get more conscious in this department, but i'm glad it was right.
the contest was fun and i'm delighted to have taken part (again...)