Thursday, July 14, 2011

Entry #4

by Amrita Bhatia

“You think Art is a real career choice?”

“Technically Art cannot be classified in such menial terms”

“What’s menial about earning a living to keep your family well fed for the rest of your life?”

“There are things more satisfying than a paycheck, my dear”

She sighed and moved on to the next display. It looked pretty uncomplicated.
Why would someone want to buy a painting of a hand?

Maybe gazing at it for long enough would make her look like a serious “Art Person”

“Don’t get it still, do you?”

She muttered under her breath, he saw right through her. “Well I do understand it, it’s a beautiful representation of…..” think big words, think big words

Paul smirked his most wicked smirk and moved on.

“Now look at this one. This is simple enough”

“Well yeah it’s a pretty woman, I get it yes, it’s so vivid and and… beautiful!!” she said a bit too loudly for people in the gallery to stare at her. Why was she always tongue tied around him?

She looked at the painting again wondering why the woman had to be picking up a shard of glass making her bleed.

Maybe it’s her hand in the other painting.

She giggled at her own little joke thinking Paul would be furious if he heard this, and saw him across the hall admiring another painting.

How they got to be together in the first place, she wondered trotting behind him.


Aimee Laine said...

I read yours through 2x because the opening dialog had me wondering who was who. There are also some missing punctuations (mostly some missing periods) that stalled me thinking maybe the next line was a continuation or the same person, but I don't think so.

I can relate to your female character though. If I were standing in front of 'art', I'd be thinking 'come up with big words, too' just to sound smart. ;)

JasonH said...

I liked the way the female character tries to fit in. The connection between the prompt, art and relationship between the characters is finely balanced. Well done!

Joni said...

I really love relationship pieces. "think big words" made me smile. Great job.

Anonymous said...

I love this. You've really shown how insecure she's feeling. But she should relax--even if he doesn't admit it, I bet he likes her because of things like that giggle (and the thought behind it).

Precie said...

Vivid voices and an excellent title to convey the tenor of their relationship. I hope she doesn't keep trotting after him for long.

Cath Barton said...

Excellent take on the photo - I got a little confused with some of the dialogue, but I like the pace of the piece.

Katherine Tomlinson said...

I also loved the "think big words" and wanted to wipe the smirk right off Paul's smug face. Loved how you interpreted the image.

Jade L Blackwater said...

art is always a matter of perspective, eh?

or should I borrow Wilde, "All art is quite useless"?

PS: I had similar confusions to Aimee

Michele Zugnoni said...

I enjoyed the easy rapport between your characters. You did well bringing their personalities to light in such a short piece.

Thanks for sharing!

Aniket Thakkar said...

Brilliant title! And in many ways it reminded me of my own piece for "Silhouette" contest. The only one that got a placing, mind you.

I'd been told (a long time ago, at this very blog) that in dialogue pieces its safer to include a he said, she said or include names to set the tone for the rest of the piece. Makes it easier on the readers. But I totally understand how one feels while editing. What to chop off and what not to get the piece to 250 words. I end up eying those he said , she saids too; to save something else.

I still loved the piece though. Have thought the same on more than one occasions. Monnet's work I get, Picasso's - I don't.

This had a very feel good tone to it. And I'd certainly like to hang-out with this girl. Maybe its her hand was classic. Careful though. Knowing Jason, it might be Aine's hand in the pic for all we know.

fairyhedgehog said...

I loved the opening dialogue!

Catrina said...

Witty title. Excellent opening line. You conveyed the tension between the characters quite well. She seems openly dismissive, but in reality wants his approval.

@Jade Some think that art is only art precisely because it fills no need; it is art because it is useless.

Kunjal said...

i was also thinking to write something on this line but was not sure how to wrap up in 250 words:)
very well done by you:)

PJD said...

I'm with Precie. I hope she doesn't keep trotting behind this arrogant, self-congratulatory jerk for long.

bluesugarpoet said...

I love how you playfully take on art and love. "Maybe it's her hand in the other painting" - favorite line! :) She is her own woman! ~jana

Michael Morse said...

I laughed out loud when I read the "maybe it's her hand" line, not because it was funny, rather because the voice's personality came shining through, and I found I liked her, a lot.

Unknown said...

I'm left thinking the same thing. I guess opposites do attract. It would figure Paul to be an artist.

Dottie :)

Amrita said...

@Aimee: I understand your confusion but as Aniket rightly points out, the "he Said" and "she said's" are the first to go while editing for a 250 word limit. :)
Also i am glad you could relate to the female, that was my intention :)

@Jason: Thanks for your comments; the female character is not totally fictional you see :)

@Joni: Thanks a ton. This was my first attempt at a relationship piece to be honest.

@j a Zobair: i hope he keeps mentioning the reasons he likes her though, or she might continue feeling insecure.

@Precie: Thanks. If she does keep trotting behind him though he better keep her happy.. :)

@cath: Thanks for your comments. i will try to be more precise with dialogue the next time :)

@katherine: Thanks for the good words. i am glad you could connect with the story.

@Jade: thanks. i will work more on dialogues.

@Mikki: That was the intended aim of my piece.

JaneyV said...

Amrita, I thought you painted a very nice little scene here. The dialogue was excellent. I don't mind at all that there were no tags. As long as the voices of the two characters are distinct enough I don't feel they are always necessary. I like your female character - she's funny and is totally sympathetic. I too hope she gains to confidence to see how much better she is than that arse, Paul.

Amrita said...

@Aniket: it was your post in Silhouette that inspired me in this direction. :) You are totally right about the editing. i actually protested a little about the 250 word limit and having to remove the he saids, she saids.. :)
Thanks for your comments. :)

@fairy: thanks :)

@catrina: Thanks for the good words. I am glad i was able to convey everything as i had intended to.. :)

@Kunjal: thanks

@Peter: Only if he treats her well :)

@blue: Yes she is... and as i said before she might not be totally fictional... ;)

@ Michael: thanks... :) i wanted to make this girl likable :)

@Dottie: yes sometime opposites do attract. It’s difficult to sustain though... :) Thanks for stopping by

@All: Thanks for your wonderful comments.

Also since so many ppl are mentioning the "maybe it’s her hand" line. i had a very hard time deciding weather to keep it or chuck it. I thought it had a little risk of portraying the character as a little crazy, but i am so glad everyone liked it... Thanks a Ton again :)

Old Kitty said...

Your heroine appreciates art more - she interprets the hand painting very effectively while the guy just carries on blithely away! A really powerful read, thank you for sharing, take care

Richard Levangie said...

You've created such a lovely and likable character in just a few words. As you can tell from the comments, everyone is rooting for her!

Chris Alliniotte said...

This is a really fun and natural slice from what could be many actual relationships.

I like how, at the end, she doesn't change - it keeps the story true to the character you set up.

yamini said...

Great title.. and an amazing post. I loved the female. Poor thing.. i can so relate with her!

C. Sonberg Larson said...

Great character development in such a short piece! It actually sounds like a great beginning to a longer story. i want to know how this relationship turns out! Keep going!

Unknown said...

Intriguing couple. He comes across a little as a snob. I enjoyed the way she thinks up histories for the paintings.

jrthumbprints said...

He himself said it first; yet I'll repeat: "Reminds me of Aniket's prize-winnig flash." Still, I like your take as well. Sometimes it's best to pull back from an image and make it the vehicle of your story. Good job!

Anonymous said...

I'd guess there's something in the relationship for both of them, even if art appreciation isn't a shared interest, lol. Nice story!

Anonymous said...

Well, I'm gonna be different than everyone else. I LIKED that there were no dialogue tags, I thought it worked to show the disjointed, uneven nature of their relationship.

Just my two cents.

Anonymous said...

I'm cringing at the truthful dialogue and applauding how you captured the essence of them.

Congrats on Forties Club!