Wednesday, December 28, 2005

The Cycle of Constellations: The Big Dipper (Fall)

(The Fourth in a Four Part Series of Vignettes)

       Rain unrolled across the hills. As the drops smacked the puddles, they exploded in thousands of tiny bowls. Evan and Sara pressed into the cold shelter of the mausoleum stairs.
       "This is just our luck," Evan said.
       "It’s not so bad. Kinda fun, actually."
       Sara nestled into him. The hems of her jeans were soaked.
       "I hope it lets up before we have to go back to the car."
       "It’ll let up," Sara said.
       Evan peeked from under the roof. The night sky boiled with flickers of lightning.
       "I don’t know," he said. "Looks like a monster."
       Somewhere close, a bolt seared the air, and a tree detonated.
       "My mom’s gotta be crapping her pants," he said. "Good thing we didn’t tell her we’re going to a place she can call."
       "It’s an autumn storm," Sara said. "Unpredictable. The sky might be crystal clear over there."
       Evan nodded, then stared out over the glistening cemetery. So many shapes and heights of stones. An angel perched over all. Its head tilted in observance of the lowly Earth.
       After a silence, Sara spoke.
       "You think we’ll be married someday?"
       "Married?" Evan asked.
       "Yeah. You know, with a house of our own?"
       The roar suddenly softened, and a restless wind stirred.
       "I think so," he whispered.
       "Look, it’s breaking up," Sara said.
       Evan leaned forward. Indeed, the curtains were drawing back, but only crack in the heart of the storm.
       Another power was building. Soon, Evan and Sara could feel it in the their skin. Tingles raced across their bodies and their breaths tightened. The air grew still and sizzled with electricity.
       Then, their eyes filled with a hazy, purple light. Along the fence and all the iron spires, licks of mystical flame leapt.
       Sara gasped, and her hand dropped to cover Evan’s. St. Elmo’s fire danced in the night.
       And high overhead, secretive beyond the clouds, the Big Dipper turned among the stars. In the spirit of the season, the great ladle tipped, and the heavenly deluge poured and poured.



Kara Alison said...

This feels like it could be a part of something much bigger.

I like that you've resisted the temptation and left it as it is. The human imagination is capable of great things when prodded just so. You've done exactly that here.

M. G. Tarquini said...

I really like this one. Reads very naturally.

Terri said...

This one made me smile, thank you :-)

beadinggalinMS said...

I love reading something to where you can picture yourself there and feel everything that is going on. This one did it for me. I like this one! :)

Anonymous said...

Kara, these vignettes are special that way. The reader is free to create an entire world around them.

M.G., thanks!

Terri, you're very welcome. :)

BeadinggalinMS, I've tried to give a strong sense of setting in the winter, summer, and fall pieces. Thanks!

Robin Caroll said...

I got a great sense of the setting! Good job!

Sarah said...

I think I like this 4th vignette the best. It just quietly grabs hold of you and hangs on.

And I love that you threw in St. Elmo's fire... a good omen for Sara and Evan. :)

Anonymous said...

Robin, :)

Sarah, I'm still amazed by the power of understatement. Glad you appreciate the secret/rare moment the characters share. It is a good omen.

mermaid said...

Every character belongs, just like every constellation is perfectly fixed in the sky. I also noticed the relationships you weave between Nature and the characters. Your ending read well.

OK, my grammar needs work, but you get my point.

Anonymous said...

Mermaid, again very perceptive of you. I often view the environment as an essential character in the story. :)

Kelly Parra said...

Jason, yes, out the of the four, this one really appealed to me the most. And it wasn't just the couple, it was the moment of nature. Very nice. =)

Autumn Storm said...

Wow, Jason, that was excellent, so many wonderful turns of phrase - drops smacking and the like.

Sandra Ruttan said...

Beautiful. You really get the atmosphere of the piece reading it.

You write such heart-warming stuff. Unlike me!

Anonymous said...

Kelly, glad to liked it! I tried to capture major themes that a person in his or her thirties may have experienced.

Autumn Storm, thanks for the compliment. Did you see my little tip of the hat to you in there?

Sandra, I try hard to weave atmosphere. It's very cool when I hear it worked. :)

Bernita said...

Good, good visuals, Jason, senses and character and with economy too!
But I didn't realize it was night? until the end.

beadinggalinMS said...

Hi Jason-dropping by to wish you a Happy New Year!

Michele said...

Hey There! Just droppin'in to say

Wishing all your goals and wishes
and friends with whom you mix,
all come true and are happy with,
in 2006!

Shesawriter said...

You're writing is so visual, Jason. WOW. Have a happy new year, bud.



Jeff said...

Happy New Year, jason. :)

Anonymous said...

Bernita, LOL! Oops. The sentence with the early clue ended up on the cutting room floor. I'll add something back in. Thanks!

Happy New Year BeadinggalinMS, Michele, Tanya, and Jeff!!! And thanks for the compliment Tanya. ;)