Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Entry #44

“Last Call”
by Bofire

I looked up at the post with the electrical wires menacing above me like a crucifix suspended in the sky. The clouds, black and blue, like a swollen eye.

The bolt of lightning hit the post like a jackhammer ramming its way through a slab of concrete, and bounced off into my body like a spirit trying to find a home.

My Mother is holding me in her arms and they are dripping water on my forehead.

My father is holding my hand while we are walking through the woods.

My brother is laughing while holding my head under the water at the swimming pool.

My sister is pouring me a glass of lemonade for 10 cents.

I am standing, with my best friend at my side, my graduation cap in my hand ready to throw it into the air.

I am holding her hand, looking into her eyes, and whispering, "I do."

I am cradling a little bundle of blue and watching as the water is dripping off his forehead.

I watch as Nicki, my dog and best friend, wags his tail until I am out of sight.

I am carrying a little child from the fire and the KCFD reflects in the sun off my helmet.

I look down into the earth and I see the shiny silver casket lying in the ground.

I will miss my best friend, Nicki, who knocked me over and took the charge in his little black and brown body.

[Bofire is a fireman from KC, MO.]


JLB said...

This piece has a very different feel from the others... I really enjoyed the unique flow by flipping from one image to another. Well done!

Jaye Wells said...

Touching, I love the life flshing before his eyes. I have several firefighters in my family, so this struck a cord.

Bhaswati said...

The images are so nicely tied to each other. The emotional impact is great. I liked this bit a lot:

The bolt of lightning hit the post like a jackhammer ramming its way through a slab of concrete, and bounced off into my body like a spirit trying to find a home.

Anonymous said...

VERY POWERFUL! I liked this piece.

Scott said...

Ah the blessed nobility of a dog. This is unique from all other entries. A nice and easy read, and creative.

k l gilbert said...

God bless all of our brave firefighters and our dear sweet dog friends.

Unique story. I thought it was going to be his own (firefighter's) casket he saw from the ether above the cemetery...

What an unexpected & interesting twist. Sad.

cesarcarlos said...

Powerful. A string of wonderful moments that envelopes an episode of tragedy and bravery. Really good.

Amra Pajalic said...

I liked the disconnected images and the last sentence when you realise he's looking over at his life and that he wouldn't have had that life if not for his friend's sacrifice. Amazed at how much you've packed in.

Lisa said...

The memories filtering through his mind had me thinking his life was flashing before his eyes. Nice twist with the ending. A sweet, poignant story.

INKcogKNEEdough said...

VERY good piece of writing ....excellent descriptions and flashbacks.

THANKS! not only for the story but for all that you do.


BoFire said...

I appreciate all the good feedback I got from everyone. This was my first time writing and entering a contest. This was a lot of fun, and I enjoyed reading everyone's material. It will be interesting to see what Jason has to say to us. Good luck everyone.

anna said...

Nicely original. Enjoyed the perspective.

jason evans said...

Bofire, I like the unexpected end. Set up to be a death experience, but then it's just a close call. High marks for pacing.